Happy New Year!

It's been brought to my attention that saying "See you next year!" when parting with someone over the New Year's weekend is utterly uncool. To that I say thanks for reading and:

Electronics Don't Get Thirsty!

No matter how they try to convince you otherwise, your electronics are not thirsty.  Even if you've just finished paying them off, and you'd like to celebrate with them, they don't want to share your ginger ale.  Please believe me, I know.
They also don't want to do a dance number with you with in the rain, as much as they say they really would like it.  Nor do they want to go for a swim with you.  It can be confusing, because they often seem up for this sort of thing, but no, they're just being agreeable as electronics are wont to do.

Be careful what you wish for!

I think the stories about trees who really want to be Christmas trees are pretty sad. I don't think these trees are really thinking it through.  Let's go over the ramifications of your frivolous wishes.

When you are chosen to be a Christmas tree:

• Your trunk is chopped and you are severed from your roots... your roots keep you alive, in case you didn't know.
• You get stuck, in the best situations, in a tub of water so you languish slowly, in the worst case, your severed trunk is nailed to two boards. 
• You have to stand there with shiny ornament weights on your limbs making you more likely to be attacked by cats and children. 
• Your needles fall off leaving you on display naked until eventually, you are thrown on to a trash pile, because thankfully your awful sap saves you from having the last vestiges of your life burned out of you.

So really, you want to be a Christmas tree, or do you think maybe you could just be happy being alive in a pretty forest?

Oh Tannenbaum!

Hope you have had a Merry Christmas/Non-Denominational Winter Holiday/Saturday. 

 Just wanted to stop by and share the tree I made.  I needed a tree because I had to have something under which to put the presents, and a tree seemed appropriate.  It is much nicer than the tree my sister and I crafted many years ago out of a green plastic tablecloth, poster board, and  various found materials that looked almost exactly like this:

I've come a long way, baby!  Or maybe it is just because I did it myself and my musically-inclined but decidedly funny sister wasn't involved in the creative process. 

Photo-bombing Llama (Cookies)

When I am not drawing or writing or being exceedingly painfully awesome, I enjoy cooking and baking.  Part of that is decorating cookies, even though my hands are not as cooperative as they once were in my early 20s (as you can see in the photos below).
Each year, I send my friends around the country little packages of goodies.  This year, in the spirit of this blarg, I though I would make some funny cookies to go in with the fancy ones.  So my friends received a package of cookies that began with these very serious looking cookies:

and then behind that lovely snowy scene they found this:

LLAMA

PHOTOBOMB!

I thought of doing a blue whale but whales really don't like skiing.

I used my favorite recipe for the cookies, which you can find after the jump:

Helpful Holiday Tip #1

When carrying a large stack of packages through doors, especially the narrow, uneven doors of an old house, avoid crushing your own larynx with said packages by hitting the stack into the door jamb and ramming the uppermost boxes into your throat.

You wouldn't think it, but it is exceptionally unpleasant and can scare the other people in the house when you stagger around frantically with a large stack of packages making weird honking choking noises.

Not that I know from experience... *cough*

Christmas Giveaway Contest Winner!

Thank you for playing.  There may be more of these in the coming months!

Christmas Giveaway Contest (details inside)

I live in Montana.  It is weirder than any other place I have ever lived or been to, ever.  So, I went to this store so that my husband could get a present for my mom and we happened upon this bizarre figurine:

Which we promptly bought because... it's a creepy guy holding a calf... and he's named Mike (which is my husband's name) AND he looks like Michael Meyers if he were a farmer. Really, how could we pass it up?

But guess what!?  I also found something for you guys too.  What is it?! (click through to see contest details)

Tag, You're It!

More holiday tags.  Some fantastically inappropriate and some wholesome and useful for people with a deficit  of humor.  I found some sticker paper last night and printed out tags for all of the goodies I made. I figure that if they didn't like the cookies, at least they can laugh at the tag.

 
 

Detectives Don't Get Surprised.

There is a problem with being a detective.  See, I don't really choose to be a detective all the time, but I am. I pick up little details.  I am aware of my surroundings and listen to what is going on around me.  As such, I have never in my life been surprised when something is supposed to be a surprise. It's kind of sad.  I would like very much to be surprised... positively, I mean.  Jumping out at me and telling me we're getting a divorce or Mom's dead or some other horrible thing is not what I am looking for... but I would be very pleased if some day, someone planned something nice for me, and then was extra special careful to not ever drop any hints in front of me.

See, there was a certain present I wanted.  And I told my husband that if he were to get it for me, I'd like it  to be a surprise, so he shouldn't ask me to order it for myself and he shouldn't tell me he ordered it.  His instructions were to conspire with someone else to get it for me if he could get it so I wouldn't know and could be surprised.

So far, I have been told that Santa would be good to me (yup, I only asked for the one thing), my mom has repeatedly asked me questions about features on the thing I told him I wanted without mentioning the actual item, and the price of the requested present on a credit card bill has been mentioned while I was in earshot.

Maybe someday.

Thanks so much Mr. Narwhal...

Holiday Tags for You!

I've spent the last couple days baking and making treats.  I still have quite a bit more to do, including packaging up treats and sending them out.  I always forget to actually tell the recipients what it is I have sent them, so this year, I figured I would draw some tags to label everything, since I am including some new treats that my friends won't recognize from previous years of guessing.


And then I thought, gee, I haven't written a blarg post in a couple days.  So TADA! Gift tags for you (and me) to use!

Standard Llama Reindeer

Creepy Candy Cane

There may well be more when I am done with all of my baking!

A Llama in a Pear Tree (Costume)

I never got the 12 days of Christmas, being raised a Jew, though who does, really?  Like everyone else, of course, we were forced to sing it over and over in elementary school every single year. I think I will spare you a whole set... but I couldn't resist a Llama as a pear tree!

Imagine the gold as sparkly... I can't do obnoxious gold glitter with painter!

I can also do a rousing edition of "This Land is Your Land" and "Michael Finnegan."

You Spin Me Right Round, Baby Right Round.

I spent the afternoon hanging out with my four year old nephew who spent the afternoon pretending to be different types of dinosaurs and spinning on a footstool that I used to spin on when I was a kid.  In fact, I procured the chair and ottoman from my grandmother's house when she died because it was THE best spinning surface that ever existed, plus she had good decorating sense.

Why do we stop spinning as adults?  I am sure my life would be much happier if I took some time each day to spin until I was a few turns before dizzy.  Maybe I should take a spinning class...

Truth in Advertising- Cannibalism Edition

When it comes to advertising food, I would a) prefer that it not be personified, especially when it is a vegetarian selection, and b)  prefer it not be super happy about offering itself for consumption should it be personified.  It's gross, and off-putting, and frankly, fairly morbid.
I'm looking at you shredded mini-wheats...

Gelt Trip

It's the last night of Hanukkah!   Of course, it is not the last DAY of Hanukkah, but alas... I'm not going change my counting now.  You should know how Jewish holidays work.

So what have you gotten me, huh?  I've gotten you something EVERY SINGLE NIGHT! No, it's okay, I understand. You don't have to get me anything, even though I thought of you and made sure you had something each night... I'll live.

Don't worry, you won't only get the fantastic guilt trip above, you also get this:

Hanukkah gelt! The most delicious terrible waxy chocolate of the year. I knew it never tasted very good as a kid, but I didn't care because it was chocolate and it was being given to me with no restrictions.

I know you may have been expecting something more spectacular for the last night of Hanukkah, but as I said before, this was a recreation of MY Hanukkahs, and you'll have to wait until after Christmas when everything is on sale to get anything worthwhile. =P

Good for one FREE post!

It's the 7th night of Hanukkah! Here's you present:

Yup a coupon, don't feel bad.  You're not the first person to get a coupon as a gift.  While this is the first time I have given a coupon for Hanukkah, I have seriously been the recipient of coupons in the past.  I think it was for a free burger, possibly fries.  I've blocked out the details.

Just think of it as a gift card.

Jelly Donuts of the Deep!

It wasn't until I was an adult that my mom brought in the tradition of sufganiyot (aka jelly donuts) which is apparently an Israeli thing.  As a long time lover of fried things filled with sweet things, I feel quite cheated that I was denied the joy of extra donuts as a kid... but seeing as we are not Israeli, it kinda makes sense.  


Have a jelly donut for me today.  It is your present this 6th night of Hanukkah, along with this:

A squid on a sufganiyot.

Llama Latke

Five nights in!  This turned out better than I could have hoped for, and it was delicious too! Even more delicious when you don't forget the salt!

Potato Latkes

4 medium potatoes, peeled and cut
1/2 medium onion, quartered
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup matzo meal
2 large eggs
oil for frying
Sour cream and apple sauce

Heat about 1/4 inch of oil in a very large fry pan over medium heat.
Place cut and peeled potatoes in bowl of processor and chop finely until no large pieces remain.
Add onion and chop until uniform.
Add salt, matzo meal and eggs and pulse to mix well.  Should have the consistency of apple sauce.
Place 1/4 to 1/2 cup portions of uncooked latke mixture into hot oil in batches (it should sizzle when some batter is added) flatten slightly and fry until golden brown.
Flip carefully and fry other side until done.
Drain on paper towels.
Eat hot with sour cream and/or apple sauce.

The Worst Gift- Orthodox Blue Whale

One of the worst Hanukkah gifts I ever got was this weird lump of a cat figurine.  I believe it was made of wood, possibly stone, and it was covered with goat fur.  It also had little realistic eyes that stared at me with malice. It looked like this, only less friendly:

The worst Hanukkah gift you ever got was an orthodox blue whale! Enjoy!

Merry Llamakkah!

It's the third night of Hanukkah and my computer is fixed so the quality of my art shall be improving!  Hope you are still enjoying your crappy gifts!  

Please, feel free to share it with your friends! 

Meerkat Menorah

It is the second day of Hanukkah.  Growing up in my family, you could always look forward to some crappy gifts you didn't really want, but you could be sure that they were cheap! I didn't put my full effort into this drawing to recreate my childhood Hanukkah experiences for you. Enjoy!

Dreidel Dino

Happy Hanukkah!