Friday, June 10, 2011

The Stalker

My family has a stalker.  I didn't realize that my internet fame would cause me problems this quickly.  I figured maybe, at some point, like when people actually knew who I was or gave a damn, I probably should invest in a post office box, but it seems I didn't do it quickly enough. And now... every time we leave the house, he is out there, staring at us menacingly. Or maybe she, I can't really tell.

Pictured here covertly hiding behind flowers while still staring at me.

I learned long ago that bunnies were not to be trusted.
In college, my friends Laura and Heather got me a bunny, an adorable ginger buck, or possibly a doe... I don't know. I really have a deficit in telling the sex of rabbits, but I named it Futurix, and I loved it... okay, I loved the idea of it... I didn't really love that it had free reign of my room as I had no cage and it escaped the makeshift corral I had set up for it in my spare closet and it decided the best thing to do when escaping a cozy closet hutch is to get up on its owner's bed and pee and poop all over it.

I also didn't love that I had to learn the hard way that bunnies can growl as I tried to gingerly get it out from under the bed where it was also pooping and peeing and I was met with fierce glowing eyes and satanic snarling.

 Or that bunnies could star in their own disgusting bunny internet shock videos (if only I had had another bun and a cup) because they eat their own poop, although I guess it was just helping with the removal of the tons of bunny poo it had deposited all over my room. Recycling, right?

After a day or two of the bunny and I tolerating each other's existences, I realized that it was possibly more my fault than the bunny's and I gave him/her back to Laura, who promptly litter trained it and gave it a happy life where no one judged it for eating it's own waste.

But that doesn't preclude the fact that I am now being stalked by a bunny... because it is out there...staring at us... with its fur, and its twitchy nose, and the nibbling... the nibbling!


  1. I've seen monty python and the holy grail - I know how dangerous those things can be!

  2. Luc's right...bunny's are dangerous fuckers. Those buck teeth aren't just for show. They can be little ninjas.

    I love the cult bunny by the way, I want to put it on my wall and threaten people with it lol.

  3. Yeah, my kids had a rabbit and it was smelly! And poo filled...ugh

  4. No bunnies here, but we do have a guinea pig who runs things around here. He's a fierce wheeker.

  5. Gizzy (my shih tzu/mini poodle mix, for those that don't know. Not that anyone gives a fuck) looks like an ewok, but she's the biggest pussy ever. We have a mouse stuck between our bedroom closet, and the vanity/sink area. When I took her in there to investigate, and possibly kick some mouse ass, she hid. I need to draw a picture of what the mouse looks like in my head, because that thing sounds huge.

  6. I am having a really awful day.
    I read this, and it made me smile.
    Thank you.

  7. @Kateri- I am glad. <3 That is what I do this for. =D

  8. I must confess that I too am stalking you, but in a rather lazy low energy long distance ran-dumb subconscious sort of way by spending slightly more time on the north end of my house, and this being Texas, that puts me a few feet closer to Montana. (of course none of that previous sentence is true, and its been a rough week here so I haven't even checked your blog in way tooooo many days, sorry) hope you are doing fine!

  9. Everytime I think about bunnies, it reminds me of Anja (from buffy, of course). And this post gave me a taste of nostalgia when TV rocked. :)

    (good way to rid stalkers is to move location hehe)

  10. Oh, I just cracked up laughing at your little link near the top right "I Sell Things" where you are smiling and a word balloon says, "Buy my crap!"

  11. I wouldn't mind having a bunny stalker :p
    I think bunnies need cages though. Aha. My sister has a bunny and it is cute from a distance ... up close, it is pure evil! ;P

  12. Weird...we have a rabbit here, too. He (she? the problem is universal) seems to be friendly though. Answers to Horatio Nelson. LORD Horatio Nelson.

  13. What a funny post!



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