Monday, September 12, 2011

Stick it!


When I went to the doctor's office last Wednesday, the nurse I saw suggested that acupuncture might be the cure to my ridiculous intestinal ailments.  I fail to see how sticking needles into me will make me not allergic to things, but other than the whole, sticking needles into me, what could it hurt? Surely it wouldn't make my food intolerances worse.

After talking to the acupuncturist, my worries were allayed that the cure would surely have something to do with stabbing needles into my eyes, because of course, to me, something is not really valuable and useful unless it is the most unpleasant scenario you can possibly imagine. Yes, so no needles to the eyes, no needles to the pee hole, just a bunch of holding things I am currently allergic to while she stabs needles into my back to teach my body that freaking out at food and medicines is not acceptable and will be punished with repeated stabbing. That should do it, right?

Unfortunately, the treatment would cost over 900 dollars and though she SAYS that I would have no allergies when she was done, and I could eat bread again until it grew out of my ears, I don't think she is willing to guarantee that.  There is also the problem that I do not have 900 dollars nor the prospect of having that much money that I will ever be able to spend on something that may or may not work, that also requires me to be stabbed repeatedly.  If I had that much to spare, I would do it. But I'm an industrious and frugal kind of gal, maybe I could just do it myself.  I'm sure we have a box of straight pins in the sewing room somewhere.


11 comments:

  1. HAHAHA, that was awesome. I'm not really sure acupunture could work on allergies, call me a sceptic. Though they actually help my migraines for about a year after treatment. And I thought it was all a sham. Nice to finally have a nice explanation, its doesnt work, it just scares the crap out of whatever is causing the problem.

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  2. I had someone tell me acupuncture would cure my son of autism. I walked out the door. I get upset when "practitioners" prey on the desperate, esp me.
    Love the idea of DIY acupuncture tho!

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  3. Look at the one for conception. I'm not entirely sure I want to know where needle one goes....

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  4. Needles in the pee hole is such a horrific idea-
    I love your red tomato pin cushion, nice detail!

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  5. I feel like acupuncturists are taking bets and laughing at us behind our backs. "Okay, guys, ten bucks says I can get this guy to let me stab him as a cure for his aversion to the color orange."

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  6. My mom has that pincushion. I bet she'd be willing to stab you with pins for nothing. She's helpful like that.

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  7. Perhaps you could find an equally reputable voodoo practitioner, spare yourself the actual pin prickings, and save yourself quite a bit of money?

    You would have to give up a lock of hair (I think), but it might be worth it.

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  8. what about a chiropractor? i know it sounds crazy, but mine has done fabulous things for me ;)

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  9. I'm with Jennifer on this one. My mom is cut from the same cloth, as they say, and would certainly use her little tomato pincushion on you. As an added bonus, she can make you feel guilty and inadequate for having allergies in the first place (or just make it clear that your allergies are grossly inferior to hers).

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  10. Hey, if you ever do get this done and it works, I want to know about it. Gluten intolerance is one of the hardest things I have had to adjust to... I am willing to use you as my guinea pig...

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  11. Apparently, the latest thing is Voodoo accupuncture. The great thing about that is, you don't even have to go....

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