Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Another time I thought I had cancer.

I learned yesterday that I don't like having needles stuck into my face.  I had an inkling before that it was the sort of thing that I would not be in to, but having it done totally cemented in my mind that I REALLY don't like it. I probably like it more than the prospect of having cancer though, which is why I allowed my doctor to put a needle into my face.  If he had just been like, "You know what would be fun? Stabbing you in the face with a needle!" and then he'd come at me all:

 I would have had to use my Hamster Style on him.

But why was a doctor sticking a needle into your face, JRose?

Funny you should ask.

On Friday, my face went all Volcano-mode and the mole by my nose did a dramatic recreation of the movie 2012.

I thought, eh, pimple, whatevs, because I like to talk to myself like I am cool and hep, as the kids say. I kept screwing with it 'til it popped because if I have a giant "end of the world" sort of face sore, I cannot do anything but poke and prod until it goes away or I pass out from pain.
I am not sure what it was, I don't think it was actually a pimple, but it had its sights on my signature mole which is now gone completely because it fell off.  PART OF MY FACE FELL OFF! One of my favorite parts of my face, too. I mean, I would miss my eyelids more, but I really liked that damned mole.

Of course, by "fell off" I mean I kept messing with the little flappy part that was threatening to fall off until it ripped off, but the results are the same, a bloody gross face hole that I was pretty sure was the deadliest kind of cancer, because I always think everything is the worst thing it could ever be... and obviously, my inane expectation that I'm going to die eminently led me to the doctor's office where I allowed him to inject shots into my face to do a biopsy because while it probably isn't cancer, he says, it would super suck to be wrong.

And now I feel sorry for strangers who have to look at my post-biopsy face because I am sure they must feel uncomfortable looking at me. It kind of looks like someone put a cigarette out on my face, which should totally be my story if anyone breaks social code and asks why I am so horribly disfigured.


  1. Hahahahaha you punched him with a live bobcat? Genius!

    I know how you feel sweetheart, but I'm thinking ultra positive thoughts for you!

  2. If you Google "close-up of mole area" you get a hill-load of mole (the animal) images, and lots of creepy mole photos with rulers next to them.

    I'm glad yours is neither of those.

  3. A neighbor of mine had a similar post biopsy crater, and she wore a big band aid on her face for several months. Like that's not noticeable. At least it was flesh colored and not Hello Kitty or something. Hope your mole regenerates, in a non cancerous manner.

  4. Ooof! Disney princess bandaids is my suggestion.

  5. @Gia- They told me to leave it uncovered. Probably for the lulz.

  6. "And then I punched him with a live bobcat." lol. that is very awesome.
    Good luck though. Hope it heals quickly.

  7. Here's hoping the results are negative.

    Holes in ones face build character, or some such nonsense as that you would use a live bobcat to defend yourself.

    (And I completely get the not able to leave whatever it is alone until it's gone, or you pass out from blood loss.)

  8. I laughed out loud at the live bobcat. But yeah...sorry about the face volcano. Hope everything's ok!

  9. My fiance cut a mole off with scissors once. Both of those mole stories make me squeamish but fascinated.

  10. Your doctor is a little scary, and looks kind of like Bubs from Homestar Runner. Does he do a jiggly little dance like Bubs?

    I'm still cringing from your flappy-mole-loss description. And Mewl's scissor-removing story, as short as it is.

    *super-cringe forever*


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