Sunday, May 27, 2012

Zombies in Miami? It's more likely than you think!

I'm sad to inform you all that the zombie apocalypse started today in Miami, Florida, my hometown. While totally naked, Zombie Joe, the apocalypse's answer to Typhoid Mary,  attacked and ate the face of another man, who is in critical condition at a Miami hospital. Police had to shoot the nude Zombie Joe half a dozen times to finally kill him as he continued to eat the victim.

I have to say, I feel fairly safe here in Montana, because if the trend is going to be naked zombies, they are going to freeze in the snow that we had last night or at least be slowed enough that head shots will be simpler.

Nevertheless, the time is now, dear readers, to ready your plans. It is clear that Joe's victim will have been infected and is going to start with the chompy-chompy sometime soon.

Will you stock up supplies?

Will you fortify your homes?

Or will you join me under the bathroom sink where we will be very very still and very very quiet?

Also, I am very sorry to the victim and the families of the people in this news article, I am very insensitive, but seriously, you have to be a little aware that if your injured loved one tries to bite you, he's totally a zombie and you should kill him, immediately.


  1. I have a feeling you're going to need a much bigger bathroom. I'll bring frosting and beer. And the treadmill? I always thought that would do it.

  2. What! That story is crazy. I'll be in my bathtub if you need me.

  3. Good thing I'm on the other side of the country. But that is definitely a zombie attack and the police trying to cover it up.

  4. I love the treadmill idea, how can people not have thought of that before now! time to also start arming yourself (Gerber Apocalypse Kit) and get working on that cardio (Roger Ma's The Zombie Combat Manual: A Guide to Fighting the Living Dead)

  5. I saw this earlier on Reddit. Well, not your post, but the news story. It's just awful. I bet the man was German.

  6. I'd totally hide with you. We could make out. :D

  7. I have some old records. I think I will be okay. Sadly, the victim is in very critical condition, with nothing left of his face but his goatee and his eyes all gouged out (from what I hear)... It's so sad. Drugs are bad, mm'kay?

  8. love the sink drawing! I would hide there if you brought some Thin Mint Girl Scout cookies. Just sayin'.



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