Sunday, February 19, 2017

Forget Mensez, Here's Period Pocket!

If you have not seen this innovative new product, Mensez**, let me introduce you to it.

Dr Daniel Dopps, Kansas Chiropractor, is marketing a new way to control the ickiness of menstruation... literally gluing the labia shut so your period doesn't leak out. Genius, right!?

According to his Facebook page (which sadly has been taken down already, but this link works), women are idiots for not thinking of this before.

It's such an easy concept, you just apply this "Lip-stick" (get it, it sticks your "lips" together) comprised of amino acids and stuff and then it holds in all your oozing blood flow until you have to pee. Then, some magical formulation of glue that doesn't react to the moisture in blood lets go with the power of pee, and all the blood rushes out where he claims you never even have to look at it or touch it, which seems a pretty amazing claim, since he also says you need to clean up "down there" and apply more of this glue and then hold your labia together, presumably, until it dries enough to stick your junk together.

While this seems like a great idea, I think my idea, Period Pocket, will get the job done in a much easier and quicker way! With just a few pieces and a little glue, you can use your labia to capture all your blood without having to reapply any pesky glue. Allow me to illustrate!

The metal structure to the pocket is magnetic so you don't have to worry about movement making the pockets come unsnapped.

And, Period Pocket doesn't only have to be used during your period. You can also use it to store spare change or small snacks at other times of the month. Also helps with incontinence and overactive bladder*.

Of course, if you can't afford the low low price of $19.99 each month, you can always improvise with a plastic Zip-lock bag and some Krazy Glue. Just cut off the bottom of the bag, glue the opening to your vulva, and then yellow and blue makes green!

*may not actually help with incontinence or overactive bladder. It is really just a deconstructed coin purse.

** This is a real product, with a real patent. Or moreso, it is being marketed as a real product though it hasn't actually been formulated or tested yet because it is one of the most ridiculous ideas ever conceived. Honestly, gluing your labia together...


  1. It could work (dot dot dot) if a glue that has urine as it's solvent is discovered. Which, if we had, I think we would know.

  2. And if one had the labial configuration in which their labia completely enshrined their inner vulva (which mine certainly doesn't), and if it was strong enough not to open when coughing or dancing or riding a bike/horse, and it didn't hurt terribly by pulling the labia back and forth, or if it didn't cause an infection from menstrual fluid hanging out by the urethra, or the grossness of having to fill this pocket of blood with pee too, to get it to dissolve, that might wash back into the vagina if it isn't instant solvency and how quickly does it dissolve, and also, sweat contains many of the same chemicals as urine and having to pee on your vulva repeatedly, is it going to adhere correctly?
    With all that solved, it might work for some menstruators somewhere, possibly.

    (Please don't take this as an attack on your opinion, I have just thought about this a lot, having read the patent and all the comments on the idea for the post.)


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