Sunday, January 23, 2011

Bacon Mint Toothpaste?

In my estimation, the only thing that mint really goes well with is chocolate. Why then, does the dental care industry insist on making mouth products that are supposed to be used before or around eating, out of the one flavoring agent that makes all other things taste HORRIBLE?!

Really, mint doesn't play well with others. Especially not spearmint! Peppermint, it's okay, since it gets to represent a major holiday it seems to have a better attitude towards other foods, but for the most part, mints are terrible terrible flavor collaborators.

My point is, I really think that more people would brush their teeth upon waking if it wasn't going to make drinking their morning orange juice into an experience of taste torture.

The problem is to find a flavor that is palatable with most things, doesn't leave a terrible aftertaste, and isn't so bizarre as to turn the consumer off to buying it.

My first thought, as it usually is, was BACON! It is the perfect flavor, but alas, probably not going to make for the freshest breath. Gonna need to go with something sweet. Then I thought waffles, mmm buttery syrupy waffles. Might be a hard flavor to recreate.

Perhaps the solution is orange juice flavored toothpaste.  And none of this "orange mint" that was tried, that just makes the prospect of toothbrushing, itself, torturous.  I mean, people like orange juice, right?  It is refreshing, delicious, and full of vitamin C. I'd be willing to try it.

Perhaps a line of drink flavored toothpastes would be best for all day brushing. Orange juice, lemonade, merlot wine, vodka...


  1. Vodka toothpaste for the WIN! It would go well with Listerine...

  2. I think my BF would brush his teeth more with the bacon toothpaste

  3. Bacon toothpaste? That's like the secret love-child of everything awesome that was ever invented in the history of awesomeness and JIM GAFFIGAN!

  4. Or you can just solve your woes by brushing after you eat like I do.

    And I have to say to Bruce that Vanilla Broccoli is something that would appeal to stoners.

  5. @ Kim- That's my Daddy... Actually, I saw a Pineapple Broccoli smoothie at Safeway... I was fairly horrified by it... I thought that perhaps the makers were in fact high when creating it.

  6. Okay...I need to go barf now. Seriously. What in the fuck? How do you mess up pineapple or broccoli like that?

    Hi there Jodee's daddy! You have interesting ideas, I gotta ask: leftover drug remnants from the 60s? I'm not gonna judge, just highly curious :D

  7. You need to check out the products on this site:

    They don't have bacon toothpaste (yet!) but will bacon flavored envelopes do?

  8. Already saw a Chocolate toothpaste - saw it in the net a few years back... Sadly, together with it was a picture of a herbal toothpaste that looks like something that came from someone's B-Hind. I dunno how it tastes like, of course, but that's just gross.


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