A mouse is not an option.

I hate my scrollbar SO much.  I don't know if it is supposed to act this way or if it is totally defective, but it acts like it is totally defective.
Here I am, reading my pages of social media... la la la, happily reading Facebook or LJ and KAPOW! It decides, YOU'VE READ ENOUGH! BACK TO THE TOP! HOORAY!

Now, I am left handed and that may be what is causing its grudge against me... I mean it all started with scissors... goddamned scissors... it seems to go against physics that tilting the cutting surface slightly to the left should make them NOT WORK AT ALL... but I really should be used to this treatment from office supplies by now.

But yes, my fingerpad laptop scrolly-wheelbar-- it hates me and doesn't want me to keep in touch with my friends and family. And it isn't even consistent.  Sometimes it skips up, sometimes we are transported to the bottom of the page.  I shudder to think if it could scroll me side to side.