Saturday, February 19, 2011

Hungry Mungry

I've never actually seen it happen, but I am fairly certain that my husband turns into some sort of a monster when he is excessively hungry.  I see the warning signs all the time, and the aftermath, but I've never seen the actual transition.  The following is an artist's rendition of the likely transformation:

Daylight Normal Husband- moderately hungry

Late-Night Monster Husband- clearly starving

I've surmised that this must be the case because:
a) he is incapable of remembering directions when hungry, especially of what he is NOT supposed to eat.
b) during the stages between hungry and starving, he becomes incredibly unpleasant to be around, although he is usually pretty nice to be around, otherwise.
c) he keeps blaming disappearing food on "damned kitchen gnomes" so he is clearly blacking out during these times as he would NEVER pass the blame unfairly onto imaginary creatures.

Now, my husband is not a big guy, muscley yet petite, but in the past, I have gone to work and come home to find 2 pounds of chili gone, entire blueberry loaf cakes, full packages of sausages, all the leftover Thanksgiving turkey. There was also the "leftover incident" in which we woke to find that he had eaten the entire box of leftovers from our roommate's family dinner.  Turkey, ham, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole-- ate every last bit of it. The monster seems to favor turkey.  I also have learned that I either need to hide batches of cookies or face making more when baking for the holidays because the monster likes to get together with the kitchen gnomes and steal them when I leave them on the table to cool before sending them out as presents.

And I've figured out the monster can't read, because leaving notes on things, like "DO NOT EAT THESE, I MEAN IT!!!" doesn't work.  The only plan of action that has worked is to make sure that the man is regularly fed so I don't have to go all squirrelly, hiding things so I can have them when I want them.  Though, I have found that neither my husband NOR the monster is capable of finding things if I put them behind or underneath something else.  It is like an special refrigerator/pantry invisibility cloak.


  1. Forgive me for not clicking llama - but I was cracking up too much.

  2. There is a decent chance that me and your hubby are related. 9 times out of ten when I'm ANGRY I'm really just hungry in disguise. :)

  3. I love the pictures on your blog, they are so funny!


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