This is going to be an obscenity laden rant regarding something about which I am impassioned. In not so fancy terms, OMG PISSED!
So, I had an argument this morning, it was a petty silly thing but, seriously... I have very little money. It seems that most humor blarggers are in the same rickety boat. So, the argument happened because I became enraged when it was suggested that my household needed a Robostir. If you are unfamiliar with the Robostir, it is a "robot" that you put in a pot, and it stirs it for you.
It stirs a fucking pot... for 17-24 dollars.
But, it is not even a robot. It doesn't have any AI. It doesn't like, use lasers to stir. It isn't connected to Skynet. It is just a motor, with a whisk attached to it, on 3 stupid legs that you plunk into your soup pot. If I'm promised a robot, I want an actual gawddamned robot.
I'm so em-effing tired of gadgets that do things that people don't need help doing. The average person is perfectly able to crack an egg without a gadget, or cut brownies into suitable squares...(if you don't like them being slightly uneven, don't eat one, asshole!)... or OMG, A BUTTER PLUNGER!?!? TWENTY TWO DOLLARS TO MAKE A RIBBON OF BUTTER! ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME!?! Sorry, I was just looking for examples at a website where you can buy all these idiotic gadgets.
And don't get me started on the Topsy Turvy. "Tired of having to bend over to pick up tomatoes that have fallen off the plant?" Why, does the thing come equipped with an anti-gravity force field that keeps the tomatoes from falling? Because it seems to me that if you hang the plant upside down 6 feet from the ground, the tomatoes would be MORE likely to fall (that pesky potential energy and all) and, instead of being happy and whole, they would die a miserable, squashy, death.
But don't get me wrong, I am not against gadgets all together. I had a Ronco Showtime Rotisserie that I absolutely loved (made the best sausage EVAR). I just hate things that assume I'm a blathering idiot who is incapable of gross motor skills.
So, no, I don't want a Robostir because you know what else stirs a pot really well?! Your hand and a wood spoon, and that's like, virtually free. If stirring a pot is such a bloody problem, call me-- I can do it for you for $2.15.
Plus Shipping & Handling
I want and need a butter plunger.
ReplyDeleteYou ARE a butter plunger. =P
ReplyDeleteAwesome.
ReplyDeleteThough I have to admit, the Topsy Turvy is great if squirrels are stealing all your delicious tomatoes, and you can hang the plant in a place the squirrels cannot reach. They should really play that up in the ads.
...so...how much is shipping? i could really use a Jodeestir 2000! :D (llama included?) just sayin'..
ReplyDeleteHighly dependent upon where it is being shipped and how hot it is there.
ReplyDeleteYou had me giggling so much I sounded psycho. And I share your bile-filled hate for stupid bullshit products that do nothing or are designed to make people even lazier. Such as the butt pad thing and the shower scrubbie for your feet that you can mount on a wall "and not have to worry about that possibility of falling." My ass. Screw you and your cocked up bullshit ideas too.
ReplyDelete