Movie-Induced Narcolepsy

I suffer from a terrible affliction. I've found no medical evidence of it, but I have coined it "Movie-Induced Narcolepsy."  This is a condition in which watching movies in the comfort of my own home (or that of close friends) puts me, almost immediately, to sleep. It has never happened in a movie theater, not around strangers, only when relaxing and watching a private showing of a feature-length film, no matter the time of day.

There are many theories floating around as to why this happens, however I think it boils down to this:  I usually use subtitles, because I have another medically invalid condition called "What the hell did he say?" which occurs when any background noise is of a similar volume level to that of the dialog, wherein I am able to hear what is said but my brain refuses to interpret it (and I fully expect medical people who read this to now tell me that I have terminal ear cancer or a nerve deafness brought on by something that is equally terminal).

This triggers yet another issue, known as "Reading makes me tired," wherein reading... makes me tired. Yes, I know, I clearly am going to die.  But as a result of my afflictions, it took me a day and a half to finish watching Indian Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark last summer because I fell asleep every 25 minutes, and I really wanted to watch it, because all I could remember of it from when I was four years old, was being in the theater with my sister and having her cover my eyes towards the end so my face wouldn't melt on the advice of our cousin who had already seen it, but had somehow managed to escape face melting, to tell her that shielding was necessary. And of course, the part with the ball was mildly familiar from the spoof of it in UHF...

This post is not meant to poke fun at or belittle actual sufferers of Narcolepsy (or ear cancer, or terminal nerve deafness). Seriously. Don't yell at me.