Pintester Movement: DIY Vintage Inspired Bell Jar Ornaments

Sonja Foust, The Pintester, is having another Pintester Movement extravaganza for all of her Pintestes.

This time, since I am having my first family Christmas Tree (because, if you don't remember, I'm Jewish, so we never got to have one growing up) I'm starting early on making my own ornaments. I found a few discounted ornaments to go with my discounted faux tree that was bought for me after Christmas last year (THANKS, MOM!), but that sucker is 6 feet tall, and my 7 ornaments are not going to do it.

So I have pinned a buttload of ideas that tickle my fancy on my ORNAMENT-O-RAMA board on pinterest. But the one that I love the most, because I collect plastic snow globes, was this awesome ornament:

DIY Vintage Inspired Bell Jar Ornaments

from My So Called Crafty Life

Seriously, guys, look at that adorable fucking deer and those fancy trees! 

Unfortunately, Montana does not have adorable fucking anything... so I had to improvise.

I learned, on my wild quest through my way-too-small-for-the-capital-of-a-state city, that apparently, only very rich people ever do crafts here. There is no way I can afford most of the pins I want to try. Thank goodness for Amazon.com, but alas, having just ordered a bunch of stuff from Amazon, I knew that I wouldn't have time to have things shipped for cheap to try stuff and possibly fail, having nothing to show for this pin,  so I began my mostly fruitless quest to find things to assemble an attractive, or at least funny, Bell Jar Ornament. I didn't find much, and what I found is... decidedly Montanan.

I also learned that my mother has WAY too many craft things to not have a freaking glue gun.  Seriously, she has an ENTIRE room of craft shit, and no way to stick it all together in a giant stringy finger-burning lump. Now that I have a glue gun (that I went out and bought in the middle of this pin test, after calling my mother on vacation in Florida to ask her if there was a glue gun hiding anywhere in her house) I may just end up making some abstract craft art to surprise her with.

So, after having my husband go cut plastic wine glasses with a dremel tool (he was slightly annoyed with me for forcing him to stop something else he was doing to cut them for me, so they are kind of passive aggressively uneven) I spent about 20 minutes trying to attach a buffalo to another buffalo. I finally gave up after consulting the instructions for my pin (hadn't done that yet... there were pictures... that I apparently didn't pay very close attention to) and I realized that I would need a glue gun before I could go any further, so I also gave the buffalo task to my husband, since he told me that the super glue we did have was dangerous, and went to the store.

Once I got back from Walmart with a glue gun... AND glue sticks, and other things to stick in future ornaments, the progress on the pin went pretty quickly. I am very happy with it and can't wait to put it on my tree, though I am trying to figure out what to tell my nephew should he ask why the buffaloes are attached.

I call it:

Buffaloes in Love

or alternatively:

Buffaloes who Love Playing Leap Frog

Adorable fucking buffalo. 

See what I did there?

Want to make ornaments for my tree and send them to me to be featured on the blarg? Details coming next month!

Don't lick me, bro!

I have to wonder if my nephew has been licking toads. Wait, it's winter... I've not seen any toads. Do toads hibernate? Yes, they do, says google... anyway, maybe he was playing in the snow and found some toads sleeping in a burrow and dug them up and was licking them because he was really weird today.

We went with my mom to the eye doctor today and he was obsessed with the number 1 on the exam room door and  kept saying it was at the end of the depth of the universe. And some something I couldn't even understand about black holes and. . . kick ball, maybe?

But the thing above all that must be passed along that he told me at lunch (for no reason whatsoever, that I can surmise) is:

Little boys are NOT beds.

Which they certainly are not.

Maybe he just fits in well in the family.  He obviously comes by some of his weirdness honestly... but I am not setting aside my toad theory just yet. 

SNOMG!

So, uh, I know I have said that I live in Montana, but I have also indicated that I am not originally from here. I am, in fact, from Florida originally. I've lived here in Montana for three years, and as such, driving in snow still scares the holy living hell out of me.

Today, I was coerced into driving to do stupid errands that totally could have waited, in the middle of what should have been labeled a blizzard... and would have been if people without meteorological degrees from Florida were in charge of classifying northern weather.

I missed one turn because this was my view:

And then I hyperventilated as I drove further and further out of town because I couldn't tell where the median lumps broke because everything was covered in snow.  Finally about a mile or two later the median lumps disappeared and I then flailed as cars whizzed passed me at 50 mph while I looked for stop sign shapes to try to turn left to get off the road and turn around.  Have I mentioned I'm afraid of left turns?

So I managed to turn around and get where I was going and then sent a text while I waited for the first errand to be done, informing my loved ones that I was going to die while driving in crazy snow storm (thankfully I received a reply that was not "K"). And then I promptly experienced the joy of my car pretending to be a Disney ride while trying to enter an intersection as I lost traction and slid at 90 degree angles left and right while begging my car, Eunice, to 'PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! for the love of weasels, go forward,' so that we were not smashed by the people approaching way too quickly.

I managed not to die, as you can probably deduce, but I think I might now need blood pressure medicine, or some sort of anxiety pill as a result of my crazy snow storm adventure.