New Things I Learned This Week - Episode 2

First thing I learned is that it is damned near impossible to open a laptop case.  There is no illustration for this. Just imagine 65 tiny screws and one JRose spouting colorful curse words.

So yeah, the fan in my laptop no longer turns which means that I can only use my computer until it starts to turn into lava, and then, I have to turn it off or it shuts off the monitor and starts smelling like burning components. It is kind of ruining my will to live.  I tried to open said laptop case thinking that if it were just 3 years' worth of lint wedged in there that I could clean it out, my computer would not be a total loss, but alas, I couldn't get the fucking thing open. I clearly do not have the secret password to the hopping club that is going on inside there.

Also, GIMP... While I am sure it is a lovely drawing program made by very nice people who are kind enough to give it away for free, it is NOT comparable to Painter 12, which is what I usually use to illustrate this here blarg, and my frustration with trying to install my drawing tablet on my friend's computer and wrestling with layers on GIMP today has lead to a fair bit of crying. I miss my computer.

Second thing I learned, on Father's day, actually. Someone working in Google Chrome's spell check programming department is obsessed with Allie Brosh. I have surmised this because I tried typing the following in to my facebook status and this was what it suggested as a correction:

And lastly, I learned, while driving to visit my friend on the interstate, a fact that I am very sad to know:

The beautiful majestic monarch butterfly...

... is a terrible bright mustard yellow on the inside.

Sponsor my Pooping!

I have a colonoscopy scheduled for next Thursday. My doctor keeps on harping at me, "blah blah, have a colonoscopy, colon cancer risk, blah blah blah." And I have no problem with HAVING a colonoscopy; they put you to sleep for it and give you drugs that make you mostly forget the procedure (though I have a knack of waking up during it each time until they realize I am awake and pump more drugs into me)... the problem is the prep.  If they could somehow give me amnesia through the whole prep leading up to the procedure, I would have those things any damned time they asked me to.

If you are not familiar with colonoscopies, after they install an IV drip to flood you with drugs of joy, a doctor takes a flexible tube with a camera type device on it and sticks it up your poop chute, looking for any signs of scarring, or cancer, or bleeding, or polyps, or wormholes that make you poop out of your own mouth. But to do that, they have to remove all the everything that usually hangs out in one's intestines so they can get a clear view of the intestine walls, and to do THAT, they make you drink a bunch of gnarly tasting junk that turns your butt into Old Faithful.. for 20 hours.

During my last colonoscopy, 4 years ago, they apparently replaced the regular nursing staff with some Medieval Inquisitionist who clearly thought I was harboring some serious secrets, because she was more than happy to torture me by refusing to let me get up to go to the bathroom. "Just go on the table." I don't WANT to go on the table!! They break prisoners by making them violate potty training! JUST LET ME GO! But nope, she apparently wanted to scar me for life, which she has done, which is part of why, though I am supposed to have a colonoscopy every year, I have avoided doing so.

When I took my mom in for a colonoscopy last year and they told her to just let them know when she needed to go again so they could help her up, I yelped out "WHAT THE HELL!?" and told my tale of Nurse Torment.  "Here?!" the nurse asked incredulously. "That is NOT our policy! I don't know why that happened to you." Uh, because I have to write a blarg somehow and if things were always boring and sane around me, I'd have to ACTUALLY be entertaining, instead of just telling what happens to me or laying in fetal position rocking back and forth.

But as usual, there is more to it than just doing the prep and having this test done. The prep meds cost about 4 times my budget for buying things in a week. The colonoscopy, itself, is totally covered by the hospital now, but the Old Faithful intestinal cleanser, nope... they won't pay for it, so I have to find a way to make it so.

I have toyed with the idea of having sponsored pooping. For a minimum of ten dollars, I could announce on Twitter and/or Facebook

with the inclusion of a link and logo or quick drawing from me. For more than 10 dollars, they could actually make up their own tagline, instead of leaving it to me.  Then I would send the sponsors a card and an I HELP FIGHT COLON CANCER sticker with a brown ribbon, of course*, to thank them for their support, or something along those lines. There is 20 hours of prep, but I wouldn't need that many sponsors to cover the cost, and any extra could go to buy me a solid lunch after the procedure. Genius, no?

I also thought we could have a betting pool to guess how many polyps I have this time.


Regardless, I shall be live tweeting my colonoscopy prep on the 28th of March. It should be a rocking good time. And I promise not to post any pictures of toilets or things that have come out of my butt. I might describe some of it though... but with a sense of humor, always a sense of humor.


*no, really, that is the ribbon color for colon cancer, because someone has quite a sense of humor, and laughter is still the best medicine.

Mischief Managed!

I made this to wear for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 2. I figured others might like their own.

Fluffy Shirt from Zazzle.com (my shop... clearly)
It is totally customizable, so you can make any color shirt, kid's shirts, etc.
AND there is a coupon code for the time being for 15% off:  STUDYINSTYLE

Yeah, it's been taken down... but I will find a home for it if there is any interest. Or if you have a screen printing company... *wink nudge*

Oh, and Allie Brosh liked my drawing of her and "Simple Dog" Fluffy and we had this exchange:

And if you would like to add me on Google+, be my guest!

I shouldn't have said that!

Well, hello there. I continue, today, with my Harry Potter series (as I said I would. . . I totally wasn't kidding).  This is Allie Brosh, in the style of Allie Brosh, but drawn by me, who is JRose and not Allie Brosh (and if you have been paying attention, you know what the J stands for... it is like a little puzzle, and it will be on the final exam) even though I do a good likeness of her style, I would say.

"Who is this Allie Brosh?" you say. 

"Who are YOU?" I say... "Oh, you are one of my wonderful readers? Then why am I being so rude to you?"  Oh, I remember, because I double mega heart Allie Brosh, who is the fantastic and incredibly humorous writer of Hyperbole and a Half.

Here she is today soothing a "simple dog" version of Fluffy.

Now, go read her blog, but remember to come back. I post more often.