11 out of 22 aka The Second Grand Canyon Incident

I got 11 of my 22 things done before I turned 40 (exactly a month ago as of writing this). I'm calling that a success, though I am still working on most of the rest. I've decided that goats and llamas don't need the stress of me hugging them, but if I come across one in nature and it's down to snuggle, I'll oblige. Others are being delayed as changes come into my life and 'cause I am perpetually broke and can't afford fanciful things, even if they are on a list of things I want to do. And I'm still afraid of dentists.

THINGS I DID

1. Go to the Grand Canyon
2. Pick my nose at the Grand Canyon

In April, we (being my husband, my mother, and I) took a road trip o'er this way too damned big country to FINALLY go see the Grand Canyon, with a detour through Las Vegas. I'm still not terribly thrilled to be in a car almost 7 months later. 

In true Cheeseblarg fashion, "The Experiment" was in full swing and my mother, who is physically incapable of throwing up, contracted The Worst Stomach Flu Ever Known To Man™ and spent two days pooping her way through Utah and Nevada. I, of course, waited to get this flu from hell until we got to Arizona, at which point I became the sickest and saddest fountain of puke and poop, ever.

We had planned to be in town for two days because I was set to complete task 8, "Meet an internet friend in person" but work stuff made it so she couldn't make the drive from New Mexico, and I literally felt like I was dying. I knew I'd be back the next day, so my first moments of seeing the Grand Canyon were staggering out of our car, which was parked right along the edge of the canyon on a cold windy day and thinking, "Great, it's a huge fucking hole, can we go home now?"

Then I sat in the car and cried while my mom expressed 40 years worth of displeasure with me and my husband enjoyed exploring with his family who had driven up to meet us there. It was just as The Experiment would have had it.

The next day, I was dying just a little bit less and it was at least 42% more enjoyable. I still wanted to go home, but I did have the energy that day to pick my nose.

I had that flu for 5 days. Apparently, me and the Grand Canyon were just really not meant to be.

3. Gamble in Las Vegas
4. Pick my nose while gambling in Las Vegas

Before I became deathly ill, I actually had a really great time in Las Vegas. I managed to win 5 dollars on a cheeseburger themed slot machine, and then I lost 20ish dollars in quarters the rest of the time there. And I picked my nose.

I also ate a lot at the Bacchanal Buffet at Caeser's Palace, which you could see from our hotel room. We also had a bitchin' view of the Bellagio's fountains from our room so I could watch the fancy water show without having to be around humans I didn't know.

 I chose the Bacchanal Buffet, in part, because research told me it had the best desserts of all the buffets in Las Vegas. If I had had more money at my disposal, I would have wanted to do my own research, but I did make sure to get one of every dessert I could eat (keeping my allergies in mind) and tried all of them*. The best was actually a Thai rice pudding with a delicate coffee perfume that I still pine for.

(Starting at the top and going clockwise-ish) Fudge, cherry clafouti, chocolate lava
cake, lemon tart, red velvet brownie, toffee chocolate mousse pop, pecan pie.

(starting at the top going clockwise) Thai rice pudding, guava strawberry sorbet, 
tropical pineapple compote, flan, coconut tapioca pudding, creme brulee, 
oreo dome cake

*My mom and I shared them, 'cause even though most of them were small, I totally can't eat 14 desserts all by myself  (especially after eating Lobster Benedict) and I am too Jewish to waste so much food, just taking a bite of each.

5. Read a new Stephen King book

Finishing out the Bill Hodges trilogy, I actually got this book in the mail from an otherwise anonymous woman named Becky, because it was a book I requested from The Bloggess's booksgiving, earlier this year. I look forward to more mystery/crime type novels from Stephen King. 

6. Collect all the cats in Neko Atsume 

I managed this one on my actual birthday. I've been trying all this time but all the fancy cats decided to visit me to wish me a happy birthday. I'm certain of it.

7. Vote for Bernie Sanders

While I didn't get to vote for him for President (because I'm not throwing away my shot vote), I totally did my primary duty. I wanted to take a picture to share, but I found out it was illegal in my state, so here is an artist's rendering:

8. See the new Ghostbusters movie in the theater
9. Pick my nose while watching the new Ghostbusters movie

I did, see this post: I Ain't Afraid of no Reboots!

10. Write a short story

If you didn't see it, you haven't been paying attention: The Melancholy Princess

11. Eat a fruit I've never had before

I started with Dragon Fruit and the image below is a summary of my feelings on this incredibly cool looking fruit.

For the most part, I'm pretty sure I've tasted all the best fruits (though I am holding out hope for mangosteen, which is incredibly hard to come by when you live in rural Montana). Moreover, there's a reason Dragon Fruit isn't as popular as apples and I don't think it's because it's tropical (see: Pineapples. Don't grow everywhere, still super popular because they are amazingly delicious.). I'm, of course, still open to new fruits. I had some awesome cotton candy grapes (that I had to peel to eat without a reaction), and the lychee was tasty but a little perfumey, but I'm totally giving up on Dragon Fruit. I just can't be down with a fruit that tastes like peppery water to me because pepper and I are not friends.

For extra content at just 1 dollar a post.

Twentyish by Fortyish

 I add "ish" to my bucket lists. Like 4 before 40-ish, give or take a few years.

— Jennifer 

Tomorrow I will be 39 and a ½ so following the tradition of age-related goal setting, with the all too poignant reminders I’ve had lately that life is far too short, I am coming up with a list of things I would like to do before 40, but as my twitter friend suggested, I’ll make it by 40ish, because I am chronically ill and I’m not willing to beat myself up for not reaching goals that are arbitrary to begin with. So these are things that I would like to do in my life and soon, that I am willing to put some effort towards. Also, I do stuff I want to all the time, so I’m pretty sure I’m not going to come up with 40 things I really want to do that I haven’t done before (or in a really long time), so, here’s 20ish by 40ish:

1. Go to the Grand Canyon
2. Pick my nose at the Grand Canyon

I could make them really easy related things like "Go to Grand Canyon" "Pick nose at Grand Canyon" #40by40ish

— J Rose

3. Get a book published by an actual publisher (and not just self-publishing- clearly this requires cooperation by entities other than myself which makes it so much harder)
4. Gamble in Las Vegas
5. Pick my nose while gambling in Las Vegas (also counts if it is just done in a casino)
6. Pet a llama
7. Snuggle goats (I would say pet a goat, but most of my childhood was spent petting goats apparently)

 

8. Meet internet friends in person
9. Read a new Stephen King book
10. Collect all the cats in Atsume Neko

My goodies bring all the kitties to the yard. #nekoatsume #newbie

A photo posted by JRose (@cheeseblarg) on Mar 30, 2016 at 10:24pm PDT

11. Go to a dentist despite being a complete dental phobe (extra points for not having overwhelming anxiety whilst doing so)
12. Try bone marrow
13. Vote for Bernie Sanders
14. See the new Ghostbusters movie in the theater
15. Pick my nose while watching the new Ghostbusters movie
16. Plan a surprise party for my cat

17. Write a short story
18. Purge a bunch of my belongings that I don’t need or ever think about
19. Make pasta from scratch
20. Have funny colored hair (again, my college career was a time of rainbow hair)
21. Eat an entire village
22. Eat a fruit I've never had before, for dessert, after eating an entire village

And with that said, stay tuned for this exciting project!

Coming to da blarg (with extra content at Patreon for supporters) at the end of April!

When Fruit Cups Attack

So I got these delicious sounding Del Monte cinnamon peach fruit cups on clearance. I was going to eat one while laying in bed watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer (up to season 5, whew hew), and I know they have a tendency to burble over some when you open them because of the vacuum seal, so I set myself up with a towel over my chest/neck, and slowly peeled the plastic lid off the cup.

 Apparently, this cup was SUPER vacuum-sealed because I was treated to a powerful nasal douche of cinnamon peach juice to my sinuses. I was amused, but also quite uncomfortable nasally. It was delicious (since I ate the cup after cleaning up the incident, the post nasal drip was a little off putting though), however I wish they opened without exploding and/or squirting long distances. Especially since they are for kids, or for adults who eat fruit cups in bed while watching supernatural shows made for kids.

 Also, I've passed this on to Del Monte and asked them if I could send them my doctor's bills  if I get a sinus infection from the peach cinnamon sugar water still lingering inside my face, but they are staunchly ignoring me, just like all the boys I ever loved...


Most hilarious comment when I posted about it on Facebook:

Just proves that no matter how well you prepare for a known eventuality, the universe is just going to shoot cinnamon peach juice up your nose anyway. - Lora-Lee

I think the phrase is 'Kill it with Fire'?

My husband is growing me strawberries.  They have been working their way up to actually producing fruit for the last 2 years... and now, I wish they wouldn't because this is what they look like:

Yes, we have terrifying mutant strawberries growing in my backyard.  I'm wondering if maybe there was a toxic chemical spill in that area, because the strawberry plants in the plot on the other side of the yard (that get the same amount of water, light, fertilizer, and love) are just fine, but these ones, all of them, about 6 plants, they have produced horrible alien strawberries and I hate them. It makes me feel queasy just knowing that they are there, in the yard, watching me... plotting to give me their space herpes.

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