11 out of 22 aka The Second Grand Canyon Incident

I got 11 of my 22 things done before I turned 40 (exactly a month ago as of writing this). I'm calling that a success, though I am still working on most of the rest. I've decided that goats and llamas don't need the stress of me hugging them, but if I come across one in nature and it's down to snuggle, I'll oblige. Others are being delayed as changes come into my life and 'cause I am perpetually broke and can't afford fanciful things, even if they are on a list of things I want to do. And I'm still afraid of dentists.

THINGS I DID

1. Go to the Grand Canyon
2. Pick my nose at the Grand Canyon

In April, we (being my husband, my mother, and I) took a road trip o'er this way too damned big country to FINALLY go see the Grand Canyon, with a detour through Las Vegas. I'm still not terribly thrilled to be in a car almost 7 months later. 

In true Cheeseblarg fashion, "The Experiment" was in full swing and my mother, who is physically incapable of throwing up, contracted The Worst Stomach Flu Ever Known To Man™ and spent two days pooping her way through Utah and Nevada. I, of course, waited to get this flu from hell until we got to Arizona, at which point I became the sickest and saddest fountain of puke and poop, ever.

We had planned to be in town for two days because I was set to complete task 8, "Meet an internet friend in person" but work stuff made it so she couldn't make the drive from New Mexico, and I literally felt like I was dying. I knew I'd be back the next day, so my first moments of seeing the Grand Canyon were staggering out of our car, which was parked right along the edge of the canyon on a cold windy day and thinking, "Great, it's a huge fucking hole, can we go home now?"

Then I sat in the car and cried while my mom expressed 40 years worth of displeasure with me and my husband enjoyed exploring with his family who had driven up to meet us there. It was just as The Experiment would have had it.

The next day, I was dying just a little bit less and it was at least 42% more enjoyable. I still wanted to go home, but I did have the energy that day to pick my nose.

I had that flu for 5 days. Apparently, me and the Grand Canyon were just really not meant to be.

3. Gamble in Las Vegas
4. Pick my nose while gambling in Las Vegas

Before I became deathly ill, I actually had a really great time in Las Vegas. I managed to win 5 dollars on a cheeseburger themed slot machine, and then I lost 20ish dollars in quarters the rest of the time there. And I picked my nose.

I also ate a lot at the Bacchanal Buffet at Caeser's Palace, which you could see from our hotel room. We also had a bitchin' view of the Bellagio's fountains from our room so I could watch the fancy water show without having to be around humans I didn't know.

 I chose the Bacchanal Buffet, in part, because research told me it had the best desserts of all the buffets in Las Vegas. If I had had more money at my disposal, I would have wanted to do my own research, but I did make sure to get one of every dessert I could eat (keeping my allergies in mind) and tried all of them*. The best was actually a Thai rice pudding with a delicate coffee perfume that I still pine for.

(Starting at the top and going clockwise-ish) Fudge, cherry clafouti, chocolate lava
cake, lemon tart, red velvet brownie, toffee chocolate mousse pop, pecan pie.

(starting at the top going clockwise) Thai rice pudding, guava strawberry sorbet, 
tropical pineapple compote, flan, coconut tapioca pudding, creme brulee, 
oreo dome cake

*My mom and I shared them, 'cause even though most of them were small, I totally can't eat 14 desserts all by myself  (especially after eating Lobster Benedict) and I am too Jewish to waste so much food, just taking a bite of each.

5. Read a new Stephen King book

Finishing out the Bill Hodges trilogy, I actually got this book in the mail from an otherwise anonymous woman named Becky, because it was a book I requested from The Bloggess's booksgiving, earlier this year. I look forward to more mystery/crime type novels from Stephen King. 

6. Collect all the cats in Neko Atsume 

I managed this one on my actual birthday. I've been trying all this time but all the fancy cats decided to visit me to wish me a happy birthday. I'm certain of it.

7. Vote for Bernie Sanders

While I didn't get to vote for him for President (because I'm not throwing away my shot vote), I totally did my primary duty. I wanted to take a picture to share, but I found out it was illegal in my state, so here is an artist's rendering:

8. See the new Ghostbusters movie in the theater
9. Pick my nose while watching the new Ghostbusters movie

I did, see this post: I Ain't Afraid of no Reboots!

10. Write a short story

If you didn't see it, you haven't been paying attention: The Melancholy Princess

11. Eat a fruit I've never had before

I started with Dragon Fruit and the image below is a summary of my feelings on this incredibly cool looking fruit.

For the most part, I'm pretty sure I've tasted all the best fruits (though I am holding out hope for mangosteen, which is incredibly hard to come by when you live in rural Montana). Moreover, there's a reason Dragon Fruit isn't as popular as apples and I don't think it's because it's tropical (see: Pineapples. Don't grow everywhere, still super popular because they are amazingly delicious.). I'm, of course, still open to new fruits. I had some awesome cotton candy grapes (that I had to peel to eat without a reaction), and the lychee was tasty but a little perfumey, but I'm totally giving up on Dragon Fruit. I just can't be down with a fruit that tastes like peppery water to me because pepper and I are not friends.

For extra content at just 1 dollar a post.

New Things I Learned This Week - Episode 1

I wanted to share with you, each Thursday, new things I learned during the week. I thought it might be fun, and according to my long ago Facebook poll, some of you agree, but thankfully I am in charge of what gets posted here, so even if you were all, " NO WAY! That sounds boring!" I would probably still post it if it made me laugh.

So here are a few new things I learned this week:

Despite thinking I was completely useless at first person shooters, because of that one time that I turned on my roommate's Xbox to try playing Halo while he wasn't home and was shot repeatedly in the head within seconds of spawning, I learned, playing Bioshock Infinite, (because my husband was tired of me nagging him to check garbage cans while he was playing and handed over the controller) that I am actually pretty good at video games... unless there are 8 people shooting me from different directions, and one of them seems to be Fire Marshal Bill who is throwing large lava rocks at me. Then I just do a lot of yelling of "OMG STOP SHOOTING ME!" and cry while getting killed a lot.

Also, it is totally acceptable to eat cotton candy that has been in a dead man's pocket.

I highly recommend Bioshock Infinite though. It stands alone well, so you don't HAVE to have played the other two games (though they are awesome also, so you should), and it is just stunning, visually, and so much fun... though the last battle took me a million tries, since it goes from relatively easy -- on the easiest setting-- to WELL THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY in the last battle. If you utilize your many different powers correctly, it is completely doable... demonstrated by the fact that I did it, finally (after looking up helpful hints).

This is the trailer, where you can see how beautiful it is, but be warned, there is a slight amount of gore in it... and know that I chose the trailer with the least spoilery stuff in it:

On to the next thing I learned:

Spiders pee-poop. Also, spider pee, not flammable.

Also, I was reminded that without the aid of spell check, I am apparently unable to spell the word flammable.


New thing trice:

We now have to worry about an epidemic of kitten perpetrated nipple maulings. So much so that I was able to use this card I made for Jen Yates for my friend, comedian Jen Kober, only a few days later.

Feel free to use it, should you know someone who is impacted by this horrifying kitten trend.

And finally:

Despite a hidden desire to kick/punch a punching bag, which was realized when watching some stupid banking commercial, it would make me feel bad for abusing an inanimate object; this feels like it would be much more likely:

Extra points if you recognize the room I am reading to the punching bag in... extra extra points if you verify your knowledge by "shouting" quotes.

Valentine's Cards: Set Three - Nerdy but Sweet

This last set is really just a set of cards from me to myself, because they represent some of my favorite nerdiness. Hopefully they represent your favorite nerdy stuff too.

Buy them at my Zazzle shop unless they decide I can't sell them because despite painting everything from scratch they are breaking laws.

 This one is totally for the Bloggess. She should be my Valentine.

I can totally hear him saying it in Alan Rickman's voice too.

I am open to drawing more Valentines, though these are all I have planned. I feel bad for not doing a Star Trek card, but all of my ideas had already been done, so if you have a Star Trek (TNG, preferably) card in mind, let me know and I might draw it (one with Wesley Crusher gets extra points, so I can bug Wil Wheaton with it).  Also open to drawing cards (like the ones I've been posting) for pay. Just sayin'. Hit me up, Hallmark, or people who don't want to go to Hallmark because none of  their cards mention wanting to stick things in people's holes.

Cheeseblarg Peeps Challenge Winner- Peep Hunt by Rhea

We have a winner for the 2nd Annual Cheeseblarg Peeps Challenge!

Of it, Dr. Pants said: "Rhea not only succeeded in creating a faithful artistic rendering of an 8-bit classic, but actually succeeded in showing us how the game could have been BETTER. I mean, who wouldn't want to make little marshmallow chicks explode on screen?? Brilliant!!"

Rhea put a lot of work into her piece and quite deserved her win. If you'll remember, she was also the winner last year. Will anyone be able to take her down next year!?

I give you PEEP HUNT by Rhea Blackthorne

Please congratulate Rhea here, and check out her blog that shows some fantastic progress pictures of her diorama.

Remember, next year's theme is: Cartoons. Be prepared!

Zelda III: A Link to the Peeps

It's time to turn in your peep dioramas. You have until midnight. Here is my last diorama.

-GAME SPOILER-

In the game, The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past, there is a part where you travel through a magic mirror to the dark world and it turns you into a bunny.  I make up fancy songs when I am enjoying myself, and so the people around me were treated to a rousing chorus of "I'm a bunny, I'm a bunny!" that went along to the tune of the dark world theme the majority of the time that I was playing in the dark world.

Also, I cheat, because I knew I was having this contest and so after Valentine's day, I bought heart shaped peeps just to use in my dioramas.  I think next year's theme will be CARTOONS so now you can cheat too... if I continue with contests, that is, as these things are only fun if people play along. Otherwise, it is just stressful, and I prefer not to manufacture stress for myself.

So yeah, turn in your PEEPS Dioramas over at https://www.facebook.com/cheeseblarg and check out the cool work that has been turned in already. 

The PEEPS are a lie!

If you guessed that this is the video game that I was going to dioramacize for the CHEESEBLARG PEEPS CHALLENGE, it is probably because you are SUPER SMART and also because you have been paying attention. Congratulations!

Remember, you still have until SUNDAY to turn in your dioramas, and mine are not eligible for prizes*, because even that is a bit too narcissistic for me. Imagine how hilarious that would be though, if I made contests for you guys and declared myself the winner every time.

Anyway, without further ado, I give you:

PEEPS PORTAL

2nd Annual Cheeseblarg Peeps Diorama Challenge- VIDEO GAMES!

Last year was our first Annual Peeps Diorama Challenge here at da Cheeseblarg.  Unlike normal Peeps contests, this one is judged well AFTER Easter so that we can all take advantage of half-priced candy, which is a long-held Jewish tradition (in my household, at least).

This year, we continue that tradition with:

Your challenge, should you choose to accept it (and you should), is to create a diorama (aka a miniature scene) depicting the VIDEO GAME of your choice utilizing Marshmallow Peeps (of any sort). Upload your creation to Cheeseblarg's facebook page or send it to me on twitter OR place a link to your blog (with your entry) in the comments. 

You have until April 22nd at which time, the AWESOME nerd band from Oklahoma,  Dr. Pants (as seen in The Bloggess' bathroom), will be judging your entries and picking the winner.

What does the winner get?! Well, at this point, they get a used DVD copy of Pinata: Survival Island and some dryer lint, but I have and will continue to look for better prizes.* BUT beyond that, you also get your artistry judged by awesome people and all entries will be displayed here on the blarg and on Pinterest.

Examples from last year's contest:

by Kimberly Bowers

By Rhea Blackthorne

by Me!

*If you have any video game related prizes or gift cards that you are willing and able to donate to the cause, please let me know. I will plug the hell out of you for helping. Thanks!

Now You're Traumatizing with Portals!

Can't write.  Highly traumatized by the heartless slaughter of a poor defenseless companion cube.  Or, I might just be watching my friend play Portal (while anticipating Portal 2 getting here- 40% off at Amazon today, with free shipping!) and I can't be arsed to write something more substantial because video games are much more entertaining.  But let's go with highly traumatized and distraught so you don't think I'm just a lazy asshole.

These are a few more of my favorite things!

I received this award from Mollie at OK in UK a bit ago (check another off my list of goals, though, I am glad to accept many more... many more... who would like to be my award coordinator intern?)

And it was supposed to come with the caveat of listing 10 of your favorite things, but that was waved for me since I am clearly too famous and important to play by the rules (which is not at all true, but I am a bit of a bastard and the point is, I was planning on doing these anyway, and it was convenient, though it took me a couple weeks to motivate myself to actually do my illustrations... otherwise, I may have taken the out and looked like the jerk I really am... which you now know I am from reading this... shit.).

So, my 10 favorite things in the following categories:


Food:

Bacon

Color:

The color of your eyelids when you close you eyes and turn your face to the sun on a warm day.

Sound:

A tie between

Get sound effects & royalty free music at AudioMicro.

The sound of a ratchet

and 

The call of a mourning dove

Smell:

Dank Mud *scratch and sniff* 

(I kid, leave your poor monitor alone!)

Cleaning Product:

Mr. Clean Magic Eraser- still...

80's Cartoon about underwater creatures:

The Snorks

Flavor of Pudding:

Butterscotch... mmmm.

Letter to write in cursive:

That's an L.

Kind of cheese (suggested by Bonnie at the FB fanpage):

Gouda... or Butterkase, which is really plain looking and not very fun to draw.

And finally, my favorite video game:

Na na na na na na na na na na, Katamari Damacy!

And... If you wanted to answer your favorites in these categories (with illustrations) on your blog, I will happily come and look at them if you direct me to the post! 

Thanks again, Mollie... and I look forward to working with you voluntary unpaid award coordinator, whoever you might be!