Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Happy Star Wars Day!

I am old enough that I actually saw some of the original Star Wars movies in the theater, first run.  I remember standing in line outside the theater in San Diego, California, in 1980 waiting to see "The Empire Strikes Back." My little nerd heart was overjoyed at the wintry landscape of Hoth, and the AT-ATs and the "Pew! Pew!"

I even learned my first lesson that some people are total jackasses and don't understand the concept of spoilers, thanks to Star Wars.  

Sometime, around June of 1983, my family was somewhere, I remember it as Las Vegas, that had a pool with a bar next to it. My parents were somewhere else, though, again, kinda fuzzy, maybe it was all the drinking I was doing at the bar (which is a joke, because I was 6 at the time). 
My sister and I sat at the bar by the pool in our adorable matching sun dresses (my grandma was big on buying us matching clothes, perhaps she though we were twins, though there was a three year difference in our ages),  and while the cute bartender girl made us Shirley Temples (I was a sucker for Shirley Temples, still am, actually. I'll drink almost anything that is pink and sparkly that I am reasonably sure won't kill me), she made small talk.

"Do you like Star Wars?" she asked, and we enthusiastically said we did.

"Have you seen Return of the Jedi yet?" No, not yet!

"Who's your favorite Star Wars character?" and we told her, and then she heartlessly said, "Oh, it's so terrible that he DIES IN THIS MOVIE!"

At which, I might have started crying while being all "WTF LADY! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!? I'M A CHILD! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!!??" in my sweet little child head. And then I was ruined, forever, to the joy of not understanding what a spoiler was... So, former poolside bartender, I hope making a small child cry through your stupid thoughtless actions still haunts you to this day, because I was really cute and you made me really sad, enough that 28 years later, I still want to punch you in the boob every time I think of Star Wars.

And here is a Jedi Narwal to make it all better.


  1. That's terrible. But it does remind me of the Simpsons episode where Homer comes out of the theater and says, "I can't believe Darth Vader is Luke's father!" and everyone in the line groans.

  2. I love it! The Jedi Narwal did make it all better.

  3. Don't worry. She is still probably a bartender, at the same pool, talking about Star Wars. And someone has probably already punched her in the boob... :) I heart Star Wars!

  4. I like Llama-Wan Kenobi.

    There's a special circle in hell for people who spoil books and movies for other folks. It's the circle that comprises Satan's asshole. And they just circle that drain forever. Buttheads.

  5. Wow Kim... that's a lot of emotion over having a movie spoiled for you. I understand the frustration (by the time I finally watched Star Wars at age seventeen I had heard EVERY SINGLE LINE elsewhere and thus found the movies really boring), but 'a special circle in hell' is just a little bit extreme.
    But that's just me.

    On the other hand: JRose, I definitely feel for you and your 'twin' sister... my grandmother did the same thing with my sister and me (two years' difference). People were convinced we were twins for a good twelve years. (My cousin, age ten, still gets us mixed up.)

  6. Star Wars FTW! I'm such a big Star Wars nerd. Have been since I was probably...8 or 9. Brilliant movies. Brilliant. And I would want to punch that lady in the boob too. Maybe even both.

  7. I've been telling people "May the Fourth be with you all" all day, but--despite my Star Wars tee shirt and cheesy grin--they say "" ...And ask if I have developed a lisp.

    May the Fourth be with you! :D Love the llama!!!

  8. And yes, my first Star Wars movie experience was spoiled by my cousin, who asked, "Is this the one where **********?" (I have blocked out his words for the good of the Star Wars late-comers...better late than never!), to which my older cousin replied, "Do you just walk into a movie theater and blurt out the ending?" I cracked up.

  9. Darth Vader is Luke's father...? Thanks for spoiling that! :S :S

  10. Nobody told me the Snowman melts after walking in the air, and I cried my little eyes out last winter! (I'm only 32, so what?)

  11. I am old enough to remember bringing my SONS to see 'Star Wars' first run!

    And even though I was a seasoned adult then, I was captivated by the movie. May the Fourth be with you, too!

    Spoilers will be with us, always. Some do it innocently - but those who don't are bullies, pure and simple.

    I don't remember Dante mentioning a "Spoiler" level, but that don't mean there ain't one!!!

    xoxoxo, cd
    (Llama-wan...funny! Jedi Narwhal...perfect!)

  12. omg lol @ Kim xDDD
    I had to laugh so hard, and I totally agree with you! xD

  13. This post totally made me smile!!! And I personally agree about the "special place in hell" business. I hate people that spoil books and movies. It's totally not cool. Just Say No, to Spoilers!

  14. Well thanks for all the support lol. It just puts me in a snit that people can't let someone get the pleasure of that revelation the same way they did.

    Makes me grumpy...and me no likey being grumpy. Makes me wanna turn all green and muscle-bound and run around saying "ME SMASH!!" and create rubble.

  15. I wish Jedi Narwhals had been in the movie with Jar Jar Binks.


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