Twentyish by Fortyish

 I add "ish" to my bucket lists. Like 4 before 40-ish, give or take a few years.

— Jennifer 

Tomorrow I will be 39 and a ½ so following the tradition of age-related goal setting, with the all too poignant reminders I’ve had lately that life is far too short, I am coming up with a list of things I would like to do before 40, but as my twitter friend suggested, I’ll make it by 40ish, because I am chronically ill and I’m not willing to beat myself up for not reaching goals that are arbitrary to begin with. So these are things that I would like to do in my life and soon, that I am willing to put some effort towards. Also, I do stuff I want to all the time, so I’m pretty sure I’m not going to come up with 40 things I really want to do that I haven’t done before (or in a really long time), so, here’s 20ish by 40ish:

1. Go to the Grand Canyon
2. Pick my nose at the Grand Canyon

I could make them really easy related things like "Go to Grand Canyon" "Pick nose at Grand Canyon" #40by40ish

— J Rose

3. Get a book published by an actual publisher (and not just self-publishing- clearly this requires cooperation by entities other than myself which makes it so much harder)
4. Gamble in Las Vegas
5. Pick my nose while gambling in Las Vegas (also counts if it is just done in a casino)
6. Pet a llama
7. Snuggle goats (I would say pet a goat, but most of my childhood was spent petting goats apparently)

 

8. Meet internet friends in person
9. Read a new Stephen King book
10. Collect all the cats in Atsume Neko

My goodies bring all the kitties to the yard. #nekoatsume #newbie

A photo posted by JRose (@cheeseblarg) on Mar 30, 2016 at 10:24pm PDT

11. Go to a dentist despite being a complete dental phobe (extra points for not having overwhelming anxiety whilst doing so)
12. Try bone marrow
13. Vote for Bernie Sanders
14. See the new Ghostbusters movie in the theater
15. Pick my nose while watching the new Ghostbusters movie
16. Plan a surprise party for my cat

17. Write a short story
18. Purge a bunch of my belongings that I don’t need or ever think about
19. Make pasta from scratch
20. Have funny colored hair (again, my college career was a time of rainbow hair)
21. Eat an entire village
22. Eat a fruit I've never had before, for dessert, after eating an entire village

And with that said, stay tuned for this exciting project!

Coming to da blarg (with extra content at Patreon for supporters) at the end of April!

Cheeseblarg's Anti-Upskirt Undies!

I came up with the perfect solution to Massachusetts' "Upskirt" problem.

Cheeseblarg's Anti-upskirt Undies feature a copyrighted image on the crotch of your panties and comes in
many different designs. Anytime these images are uploaded to the internet, Cheeseblarg will sue the upskirt uploader on your behalf to keep your undies off the internet!

* Two Can Play At This Game can be fitted in a tiny spy cam to see who is spying on your stuff.

If your government won't protect your undies from perverts, Cheeseblarg will protect them from copyright violations!

Hanukkah 2013: 8th Night- Doctor Whonukkah- The Last

On the 8th night of Hanukkah your Cheeseblarg gives to you:

A weeping angel to creep you out.

Needle felted by me... inquire by email if you want one of your own for $75 plus shipping.

The episode "Blink" from Doctor Who is one of the greatest episodes of the series, very much so because you don't have to know much about the Whoniverse to watch the episode; it really stands alone. If you've not seen it, I highly recommend it. You can watch it on Netflix by going to Season Three- Episode 11 of the new Doctor Who series.* Again, it doesn't need much explanation, other than it helps to know that the series is about a man named The Doctor and in this season, he is played by David Tennant, so you know him when you see him.

It is almost guaranteed to make you a Whovian, so prepare yourself for great amounts of joy to come!

With that, Happy Hanukkah, and Merry Eventual Christmas! I hope your enjoyed your presents. Cheeseblarg loves you, yadda.

And since I'm not hiding things from you anymore, finally, the whole tree!

Don't forget to comment! I'll announce the winner of the Dino Ball in two days!

*There are also skeevy places to watch it on the internet in its entirety, if you're into being a criminal and whatnot.

Hanukkah 2013: 5th Night- Festive Llama

On the fifth night of Hanukkah, your Cheeseblarg gives to you:

A llama with a snowman blanket.

Cómo-se here was the second needle felting piece I ever did. He has been waiting patiently to be introduced to you all.

Blah blah...comment... win dinoball, etc. 

And remember, I am happy to make felt animals and creatures for pay, just email to inquire!

Cheeseblarg Takes Paris

CHEESEBLARG TAKES PARIS

Once again, I am in a juried art show that offers a prize for "People's Choice."  You are people, I draw cute llamas and impressive detailed structures, so how about it?

Please.

Of course, this is one of those pain the butt sites that makes you sign up for shit, but ALAS, there is a way around it.  If you would go to my profile (linked above) and click VOTE on the top right, it gives you the option of creating a new account OR login as a previous user. If you pretend you have a login already, you can log in using Facebook, so it makes it really easy.

The grand prize for this is a trip to Paris and a buttload of money, which would be freaking awesome. But even if I don't win that, I do have a chance to have my art shown there, which I am willing to settle for.

So, if you would vote, and get friends to vote, and strangers, pets if you have Facebook pages for them...I would super duper appreciate it AND if you leave a note here once you vote, I will send a surprise Cheeseblarg package out to one randomly picked voter in September.

Thanks, or perhaps I should say, Merci!
JRose of da Cheeseblarg

Hanukkah 2012: 7th Night - Llamakkah

My nephew came over for Hanukkah the other night and exclaimed "YEA, THERE ARE ONLY THREE NIGHTS LEFT!"  Clearly, he gets this holiday.


Today has been a long day. I am unprepared. Your present is a stern look from a llama.  Consider it a coupon for a free post sometime when the world sucks less.

Hanukkah 2012: 5th Night -Nom Nom Nomukkah

You get a re-gift tonight, because I said so, but it is still awesome, and perfect gift for your belly on the 5th night of Hanukkah. But first, let's light the candles!

(there is a video here ^)

Potato Latkes

4 medium potatoes, peeled and cut
1/2 medium onion, quartered
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup matzo meal
2 large eggs
oil for frying
Sour cream and apple sauce

Heat about 1/4 inch of oil in a very large fry pan over medium heat.
Place cut and peeled potatoes in bowl of processor and chop finely until no large pieces remain.
Add onion and chop until uniform.
Add salt, matzo meal and eggs and pulse to mix well.  Should have the consistency of apple sauce.
Place 1/4 cup portions of uncooked latke mixture into hot oil in batches (it should sizzle when some batter is added) flatten slightly and fry until golden brown.
Flip carefully and fry other side until done.
Drain on paper towels.
Eat hot with sour cream and/or apple sauce.

Anti-Anti-E

I was asked the other day if I have a Tumblr, and I must say, I really enjoy all of the things that Tumblr has to offer--  like GIFs of Evan Peters naked or licking peanut butter off of a blow up doll. Or for blogs like my friend's "Fuck Yeah, Goatse" page (again, if you don't know what Goatse is, don't just go wantonly googling that shit, you need to be prepared for it*),

 or Tard the Grumpy Cat's blog  (holy shit, I cannot get enough of that cat!), 

or Chandler Bing Dances on Things,   

(source, there ^)

but I don't have a Tumblr account, and I won't because I won't support companies that discriminate against the letter E.



I feel the same way about Flickr, but Yahoo went ahead and set up an account with them without my permission since once upon a time, I had a Yahoo email account and I verge on being an internet hoarder, so I never unregister for sites that sign me up (seriously, still get Netlog notifications... never signed up for it, but I am there, apparently).

I want to know what exactly they have against Es.

Yes, I know the E isn't needed. We don't REALLY pronounce it. But you don't pronounce both of the Es in my name but you don't see me spelling my name Jod.

So I guess what I'm saying, is that unless someone else signs me up for Tumblr, I won't have an account there where I will be forced to waste hours of my life looking at and reblarging pictures of cats and porny gifs.



*Also on the topic of Goatse, after watching this commercial (below) over and over again, I think that Goatse would be an excellent security password picture for a Windows 8 machine.

also, as a reminder, Hanukkah starts in 4 days, and as always, there will be 8 crazy days of me posting horrible/amusing things for you guys! So be there, or one of them will be Goatse.

Llama of the Month Club

In case you missed out on Black Friday deals because you have an actual job, or like me, because you didn't want to have to put clothes on and get out of bed, I have an offer here that some of you might be interested in.

The Llama of the Month Club!

This is a club wherein, you can buy a 3 month ($45), 6 month ($80), or year ($150) subscription to receive ACEO llama art from me, shipped right to your home, or the home of your favorite llama lover.

It will all be original art, so there are only a hand full of each subscription type.  And the subscription offers a special birthday ACEO for the recipient during their birth month.

 

If you are interested, you can find the listings with more details at my Etsy store (which has some boobs in, just as a warning) 

HERE!

Cheeseblarg 1400 Subscribers Pizza Party!

Sometime earlier this year, I promised on Twitter that there would be a Cheeseblarg Pizza Party to celebrate when we got to 1400 subscribers and yesterday, thanks to me becoming part of  Oh Noa's "League of Funny Bitches," we exceeded that amount... so, YAY! Pizza party!

Unfortunately, I can't eat tomato sauce any more, or pizza dough, so, CREATIVITY!

I started with frozen biscuit that I thawed and rolled out to work as crusts... looked through my fridge and realized I also had no mozzarella. EVEN MORE CREATIVITY!

So I made a Llama Ham and Swiss (with honey mustard as sauce), a Mushroom Llama with Carrot Alfredo sauce, and a Bacon Mushroom Narwhal (also with carrot alfredo sauce, which is a great addition to alfredo sauce when trying to get more veggies into your belly).

What I end up with was the following:

Good, hammy, thumbs up.

Uh, that llama looks a little ill...

Total Narwhal Annihilation.

I'm telling you, narwhals always have to be complete assholes. 

I'm eating his face first.

Happy 2nd Birthday, Cheeseblarg!

Here we are again. This little blarg that I started two years ago on this date is celebrating its birthday. It's done so much in that time, and I hope it does much more in the future.

Remember the time when we won Blog of Note from Blogger? And that time that we went to NYC to hang out with our Coco Llama in Conan O'Brien's gallery with the help of you readers? And we won Voice of the Year from BlogHer? And I was published not once, but twice, with Cheeseblarg art?

Yup, we've done a lot so far, and someday, we'll get our mention from a celebrity and we'll finally buy that Unicorn Jumbo Jet we have always wished for!


Happy Birthday, Cheeseblarg, and thanks for reading again, and always! And of course, I made cake!

If you want to give Cheeseblarg a present, share your favorite post with friends and celebrities, or cash donations work to. ;)

...see more about the creation of this cake below...

American Horror Story: Chibi Asylum

A new season of American Horror Story has begun, and I want it to be Wednesday EVERYDAY!

I have a crush on Evan Peters, who played Tate last season, and who plays Kit this season, and I have figured out that I might be more perverted than I thought, since reading all the pre-show hype, I was most excited about seeing him being caned, and the show has not disappointed.

That face is part and parcel to my ridiculous, inappropriate crush.

Anyway, beyond me lusting after a boy who was born when I was in the 6th grade, the show is just really entertaining. So much so that I have created my own version of it, for my own entertainment and hopefully for the entertainment of others. I didn't really think of anything to say about this when I started drawing, so uh, TADA??

I encourage you to make it larger to enjoy the details, and feel free to share it. 

I also realize that if you don't watch the show, you aren't getting a damned thing out of this post (other than a hearty recommendation to watch the show), and I feel bad, so um...

Here is a failed concept that I drew.  My Little Llamas, not unlike My Little Ponies, only probably smellier, and named after snack food.

Regrouping and Floor Cleaning

Fuck this moping shit. This needs to be the year of the JRose. I mean, last year I also declared it the year of the JRose (actually it was the "year of winning" but then Charlie Sheen had to go and implode and take my phrase and then I felt weird using it, but damn it, you get the idea), and in reality, for all the other crap, it was pretty much, indeed, a year of winning.  My campaign of terror on @blogger over at twitter, plus my sheer awesomeness, won me Blog of Note, allowing me to meet so many of you Cheeseblargians, which is fairly coincidental that you should already be called Cheeseblargians and then you should follow a site called "da Cheeseblarg."

I also um... I... won .. um... hrm.. I got my art published in a cookbook (Nadia G's Bitchin' Kitchen: Cookin' for Trouble) that I don't have a copy of so it may not actually be in there, so I am just going to assume it is because I signed a waiver saying it could be.  AND someone contacted me wanting to use a bad painting I did of David Hasselhoff in panties for the green room of some show he was going to be on to make him uncomfortable, though I never actually heard back from them...

The really bad painting in question. It's awful. I should have painted the one with the Shar Pei puppies.

 and then Conan O'Brien had my Coco Llama in his gallery AND talked about it after saying my name and another campaign of terror got me to NYC because I was in an art show in NYC and needed to see it in person, which was a life-long goal realized. Plus, I made a bunch of kick ass art. So this year, instead of bitching about bitchy shit, I just need to be winning-er. Being super win-y will make my shit crap health issues suck less by comparison. Especially if I become not poor while winning.

So let's start with the Shorty Awards under the category of blogging, because they didn't have a category for blarging, and I am nothing if not flexible.
Just scoot on over to this link (I imagine you should have a twitter account but why not try anyway) [link redacted] and tell them why I am the best blarger that ever lived (I stress "blarger."  I'm the only one, right? Or the original, at least? It should be easy to say I am the best without feeling like you are lying).

Then I seriously need to get this friggen celebrity endorsement, even if I need to become a celebrity myself and then do my own endorsement. It doesn't work that way does it? Well, I'll figure it out.


Point is, if I want my life to not be ruled by sucky aspects, I am gonna have to take it by the flappy bits and and shake it and say "HEY LIFE, STOP SUCKING. Health is not the only thing around. There's also internet awards, and celebrities who may someday pay attention to you, and  Bacon Jerky. And there are readers who give a shit and will be okay if you can't draw all the time, and frosting, and THESE FLOORS ARE DIRTY AS HELL AND I'M NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE!" At which point I imagine people will just stare at me and crickets will chirp, because UHF is a highly underrated movie.

Hanukkah 2011- 8th Night- From Us to You!

It's the last night of Hanukkah. Despite what calendars say, it is over now. Tomorrow is the last day, but Jews don't acknowledge days. We are like the vampires of the holiday world.
It has been a wild ride. You got some crappy gifts, I did too, but it was fun. Wasn't it? Okay, it wasn't terribly painful? Maybe a little? But the fun kind? Damn it, people!

Whatever, here is your stupid jerk gift.

(unwrap it... with the link below... or scroll... wow, this has been tedious telling people how to access a webpage...)

Hanukkah 2011- 6th Night- Merry Christmas!

My family isn't even bothering with Hanukkah tonight.  We will light the candles, of course, because that is what you do, and maybe eat a leftover latke with our remaining Christmas ham, but there are no presents for tonight.  We got a buttload this morning, and as I said last year, the rest of the shopping for a Hanukkah that lasts through (or starts after) Christmas, is done at the half price sales on the 26th.

So instead of a gift tonight, I'm sharing some of the joys of my Christmas.

I made new ornaments for my paper Christmas tree. Each one relates to a major happiness from 2011.

I made a llama truffle army.  They look like they opened the Ark of the Covenant, but I've been assured they are still delicious, despite the fact that my fine motor coordination makes it look like they were made by toddlers. They are peppermint brownie truffles, for the record. This is likely my last foray into making these fucking things ever again, unless I somehow become bionic and regain said lost coordination.

And because of AMAZING AWESOME reader Sarah T., I was able to send out small packages of goodies to several of my friends, which did the trick to lift my humbug grump. Thanks, Sarah!

And my nephew is entirely adorable, which always helps. Here he is, pretending to be The Bloggess. 

Cheeseblarg Takes Manhattan- Narwhal of Liberty

I've finished another from the Cheeseblarg Takes Manhattan series just last night and started on the last planned piece. Here it is. And remember, Cheeseblarg Merchandise makes great Holiday Gifts!

Narwhal of Liberty by cheeseblarg
Posters for sale on Zazzle

Macy's Day Parade Postcards for sale on Etsy
or get one for a bit less, perhaps on ebay.
I have two being auctioned.
(click here to see them)

As a bonus, there is a piece for sale in my Etsy store (that is fairly NSFW) from the time my work was on Regretsy.

Day 29

I don't know.  I've been writing for a month straight, shy of a day.  I've run out of things to say.

 I got ice cream for lunch. 

It wasn't a cone.... or a llama... but it should have been.

Cheeseblarg Takes Manhattan- Macy's Day Parade

I've not woken up earlier enough to see the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade in years.  Certainly not since I moved to Montana, as we are two hours behind the East coast and I would have to wake at 7 am to see it (and nope, no DVR either) and I only wake up that early if I am in dire pain or my bladder is being a jerk.

But what good timing, my first piece from the Cheeseblarg Takes Manhattan series is done, and as promised, I have overtaken a famous New York landmark with a well known Cheeseblarg icon.  And in case you don't wake up early enough to see the Macy's Day Parade (which is what James, the fabulous tour guide, told us real New Yorkers call it), you can just pretend this really happened.

Do feel free to biggify this to see all the details that I spent ten hours drawing 

(which is like the equivalent of 40 hours for most other artists).

Poster prints are now on sale at Zazzle in several different sizes if you are interested!

Macy's Day Parade by cheeseblarg
Browse more Macy Posters


HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Everywhere a Llama, Llama- NYC

Since Saturdays are slow traffic days because, apparently, everyone else has a life and friends and stuff, I am going to share with you every single llama that resides within the American Museum of Natural History in New York City... because, I took pictures of ALL of them. Every single one.

To the LLAMAS!

Just read the label under it.

Those are llamas.

Also, a llama.

You guessed it, llama (and a cute spotted llama at that).

This one just wouldn't freaking stand still. I must have tried to take this picture about 30 times and this is the best of them. It was only about 2 inches high.... and is also a llama.

Boy llama.

Herd of gravy boat llamas.

I didn't see a single narwhal, but I was talked into leaving before I was done searching every room, in an attempt to get to the Bronx zoo before it closed.  We didn't get to the zoo because we started out late and had a few subway mishaps... but it gives me an excuse to go back.