Saturday, November 5, 2011

Happy Birthday, Cheeseblarg AKA How NOT to Make Cake Pops.

Today is da Cheeseblarg's FIRST birthday.  A year ago today, I started this here blarg to talk about my computer being a dick, which it still kinda is.  But to celebrate, I made us some cake pops! And I made us cake pops, mostly because making cake pops is one of my least favorite things to do in the ENTIRE world.

It was also to prove a point, because my mom thought that making cake balls might be a great idea for holiday gifts and having made them before (or well, cookie balls, which might actually suck more than cake balls) I wanted to show her that while we are good at A LOT of things, dipping shit just isn't in our skill set.

So here is a (partially) illustrated guide for how NOT to make cake pops:

1. Gather your ingredients. Take a picture. Forget ingredients.

2. Begin to make a cake which cues everyone else in your house to come into your very small kitchen to also cook. Get angry.

3. Mistake directions on cake box, read: mix on HIGH for 2 minutes, instead of MEDIUM and splatter entire kitchen with cake batter.

4. Fight the people in your kitchen to get to the oven to put the cake in to bake.

5. Remember to check how long you should bake the cake that is now in the oven. Take box out of garbage, consult, set timer (minus approximate amount of time it took you to remember that you should probably set a timer).

6. Wait a long damned time for cake to bake and cool. Begin writing and illustrating your hilarious blarg post on the subject in the meantime (optional).

7. Go to and read the recipe because you realize you don't really know how much of what you are really supposed to use.

8. Crumble cake and mix in half a can of frosting. Roll into balls. Ask someone else to come in and set up a pan for you because your hands are now coated in cake and frosting.

9. Clean out fridge to make space for the balls to chill.

10. Take some prescription pain pills because this is going to suck, and also because you have been standing for hours and all of your joints hurt.

11. Read the directions on the candy melts, follow directions, spend 17 minutes melting stupid candy melts. Think using a blow dryer might be faster.

12. Begin dipping cakepops. Have an argument about dipping methods. Result in cakepop that looks like this:

13. Add Crisco to candy melts because Montana weather makes them harden up in approximately 1.75 minutes.

14. Give up on cakepops, turn to cakeballs.

15. Give up on cakeballs, dipping is too hard.  Roll rest of the batch in powdered sugar and call it a day.

I hope you enjoyed this tutorial on how not to make cake balls. You should probably not follow it. But, while I knew it was going to be bad when I started, I did manage to make one cute one.


  1. OMG my birthday was yesterday and my sister got me Bakerella's Cake Pop book! It's so nice to see someone make them in the real world. Happy Blarg Birthday!

  2. Happy Birthday Blarg!!

    Why is it so hard for the pop to stay together?

  3. I have been waiting ALL DAY for this post, and it was worth the wait! I sparrkled the shit out of it on BlargHer! Happy birthday Cheeseblarg!

  4. happy birthday, cheeseblarg! sorry the cake pops didn't work out...

  5. wehehehe...don't know how many times I've taken the box out of the garbage because I forgot to read the timing on the back. Never fails.

    Happy Birthday Cheeseblarg.

  6. Happy birthday Cheeseblarg! I'm glad to call you my friend--or rather your lurker. Thanks for the laughs over the last year..and I knew I loved this blarg for more that one reason, you're a Montana girl! (me too) :)

  7. Llama cake balls rock! Happy birthday Cheeseblarg!

  8. Happy blarg-day!! We have a whole food trailer devoted to cake balls where I live, and now I have a whole new level of appreciation for what they do.

  9. Happy Blargiversary! I don't know if "9. Clean out fridge to make space for the balls to chill" was supposed to be as funny as I read it, but the concept of making space for balls to chill creates a GREAT mental image.

  10. I am quite sure that you aren't anxious to try cake pops again anytime soon, but should the fancy strike you I suggest using wilton's recipe.
    My first attempt also involved just making the durn cake and adding frosting, but something about pudding and copious amounts of egg makes it way easier. Super way. Also, when it comes to the candy melts if you put the bowl of melts into a bowl of uber hot water it keeps it melty while you dip. My apologies for such a long comment, but uh. I <3 cake pops

  11. God, cake pops are such a long-lived fad! I can't believe you wrote this post 2 years ago.

    I just found your blog through Suzy's Artsy Craftsy. You rule! Special big ups for the food porn joke.


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