New Things I Learned This Week- Episode 3

I haven't learned all that much this week because I am doing the vacationing thing, but I have made quite a few observations, like this ad I found in the back of a health food store's wellness magazine:

The disturbing part here is the wine offering. As I tweeted:

I did learn, however a terrible terrible lesson last night, while getting up in the middle of the night at my friend's house to pee:

Honestly, electrical plugs are like the bachelor's Lego. I feel it is my duty to warn everyone now. DON'T STEP ON THEM.  It is highly unpleasant. 

And finally, a culinary observation: 

Pintester Movement - Cheese Porn

So, Sonja Foust, over at Pintester.com has started The Pintester Movement, which is a concerted effort to try Pinterest Pins and post about them, and I figured I would use it as an excuse to try some pins that I have on my Pinterest "Nom Nom *Chomp*" board, because it was something to do, and I always find myself putting off making things that I really want to eat because it takes effort.

The problem is, I am too awesome for this project. Or else I only pin things that are well within my scope of abilities. Notice there are no pins of things that require dipping or patience, ala How Not to Make Cake Pops. I know that making cake pops (which I just typoed cakepoops, clearly a Freudian slip, because we all know how I feel about those asshole treats), will make me want to stab people, so I chose something amazingly easy, and excelled at doing as little as possible, as the recipe demanded.

Recently, I found the food blog "Oh Bite It!" It is like my foodie spirit animal. Every post has bacon, or fried, or some sort of combination of butter and sugar, and that really speaks to me, in an OMG PUT THE FOOD IN MY MOUTH, sort of way. At this point, I have stopped pinning all the things I want to make from that website because my entire food board would be filled with her recipes.

The pin I chose to test for the Pintester Movement maiden voyage into the waters of possible fail, was "Oh Bite It"'s Grilled Cheese Pull-Apart Rolls, mostly because I miss grilled cheese so much, and any promise that something will taste like grilled cheese, while not causing my insides to try to kill me is something I am going to want in my mouth. I also thought it was kind of appropriate for da Cheeseblarg.

So I followed the directions, which are basically, open a can of biscuits without having a heart attack (almost failed on that one), flatten canned biscuit, stuff that motherfucker with velveeta cheese, pincha-pincha-pincha, drown in butter, and bake.

I made half the recipe because there were only two people eating it and I was also making pizza soup to go with it, because half a pound of cheese in bread is apparently not a full meal.

Only the rolls took 40 minutes more to cook through than the instructions lead me to believe, and when I tasted them finally, they tasted like canned biscuits stuffed with velveeta cheese, and not so much like grilled cheese. I was slightly disappointed, even though they were really easy to make. But then, the next night, having the leftovers, because I could only eat one roll the night before, reheated in the microwave, they tasted exactly like a grilled cheese sandwich, and all was redeemed.

That means I will be making these again, and I have complete faith that I will enjoy anything that Oh Bite It comes up with.

This image makes no sense, I just wanted to draw myself in a cute polka dotted bathing suit.

The biscuits' identities have been hidden for their safety.

Why I Should Not Be Given Comment Boxes.

I went to order delicious chicken wings last night because I am a fan of chicken wings because they are delicious, and I had the option to order online, which is like HEAVEN for someone who is socially awkward and hates talking on the phone, which would accurately describe me. The ordering form, however, was broken into three different pages, only, I had no idea it was broken into three different pages, hence my comment on the first page, but then each page had its own comment section. This is what the order ended up looking like:

This is not something I did to make a funny blarg post about how weird I am. This is how I am. It is an unfortunate way to be when people don't take it well, but thankfully the cashier assured me ("JRose, with all the comments"), that they heartily enjoyed laughing at my social ineptitude, which works for me (since I detected no spit in my meal at all).

And if you have a Wing Stop near you, I highly recommend the Garlic Parmesan wings. They are totally worth the money. Even though, apparently, chicken wings are one of the rarest food parts of all time for how much places charge for them.

When Fruit Cups Attack

So I got these delicious sounding Del Monte cinnamon peach fruit cups on clearance. I was going to eat one while laying in bed watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer (up to season 5, whew hew), and I know they have a tendency to burble over some when you open them because of the vacuum seal, so I set myself up with a towel over my chest/neck, and slowly peeled the plastic lid off the cup.

 Apparently, this cup was SUPER vacuum-sealed because I was treated to a powerful nasal douche of cinnamon peach juice to my sinuses. I was amused, but also quite uncomfortable nasally. It was delicious (since I ate the cup after cleaning up the incident, the post nasal drip was a little off putting though), however I wish they opened without exploding and/or squirting long distances. Especially since they are for kids, or for adults who eat fruit cups in bed while watching supernatural shows made for kids.

 Also, I've passed this on to Del Monte and asked them if I could send them my doctor's bills  if I get a sinus infection from the peach cinnamon sugar water still lingering inside my face, but they are staunchly ignoring me, just like all the boys I ever loved...


Most hilarious comment when I posted about it on Facebook:

Just proves that no matter how well you prepare for a known eventuality, the universe is just going to shoot cinnamon peach juice up your nose anyway. - Lora-Lee

The Mellowcreme Dilemma.

Brach's Assorted Halloween Mellowcremes candy makes me happy and reminds me of crunchy leaves, and cool winds, and corduroy pants, and the late 70s. It also reminds me that, although it is really cute and I love buying it, I don't like the way it tastes, at all.

That's why you gotta drink 'em fast Harry, trust me!

While slurpees, slushies, freezes, frappacrappos, and other drinks made primarily of crushed ice and flavoring are friggen delicious and wonderful for a hot day, or for when you have a fever, I think they are indicative of how idiotic humans, as a species, can be.

 I would write more on this, and it would be really profound and brilliant, probably earning me some sort of award or book deal, but I cannot form full coherent thoughts currently because I am suffering brain freeze from drinking a delicious new Pina Colada Freeze from Taco Bell way faster than I should have, and my brain hurts.

Awesome Things Friday!

It's Friday. I have things for you, but they have no real stories, other than the fact that they are awesome things. So today is:

AWESOME THINGS FRIDAY!

(just imagine that flashing obnoxiously)

DANCING GOAT!

High-five little goat!

JOEY RAMONE!

and by association, Rock N Roll High School.

SHOWTIME ROTISSERIE!

As enjoyable to watch as it is to eat sausages from it!

BACON AND PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICHES! 

I don't have a picture but they are awesome.

That's all.  Feel free to share some of your awesome things with me!

I'm not really lovin' it.

I went to Muh Donna's last night to get dinner because I was literally starving and wanted to get some calories in me for fairly cheap that I wouldn't feel bad about losing if my food poisoning/stomach flu symptoms continue, as they have been for the past few days.

Being without sustenance for a couple days made me stupidly optimistic, it would seem, because I looked at their menu and saw "OOOH! Fancy strawberry shake! That must be made of the freshest strawberries and organic whole cream ice cream! That sounds great!"

Somewhat unsurprisingly, their new strawberry shake tastes really bad and the faux strawberry syrup with extra red food coloring makes my mouth feel like it is being stung by scorpions.

It does have a cherry on top though.

No wait, the cherry was gross too.