Monday, June 27, 2011

Use our MRI or DIE!

I went today for an MRI on my brain to prove, once and for all, that I do not have either tumors, or a woodsman in my brain causing my headaches.

When I met my technician I didn't catch his name, but let's call him Chip, he looked like a Chip. I told him, as we walked to the MRI room, "I'm gonna try not to freak out, but I cannot promise anything." Chip assured me that he would do his best to hurry and was super nice about explaining to me what would happen, though I knew because I can't go into a situation without researching it thoroughly, especially when it might tell me I have a woodsman in my head. Plus, I watch a lot of House. I was then told I could listen to music while they did the procedure. I, of course, chose the 80s music channel and Chip offered to turn the music way up so it would drown out the sound of the machine. Thanks for the thought Chip; it totally didn't work.

And then, and I had considered this, it played a song by Van Halen that my stupid idiot jerk boyfriend from high school used to cry through because "It was SO meaningful and deep." No, idiot, "When It's Love" is not deep, you're just a tool. Plus, seriously, Sammy Hagar sucks, I mean compared to David Lee Roth... He was alright on his own, but Van Halen totally fell apart when they replaced David Lee Roth. I wish they had played Panama, or Ice Cream Man, or anything that didn't remind me that I dated a stupid jerk for way too long, but it was amusing, being stuck in a tube with sub-par Van Halen and my memories.
Then they played "Centerfold" by the J. Geils Band which I loved, clearly, because if you don't love that song, you suck*, or haven't heard it. And then "Tenderness" by... who the heck sings that song... General Public? Who knew... probably people who really like General Public.

Part way through "When It's Love," Chip called into me to make sure I was okay and then told me there were only 6 minutes left. He didn't, however, tell me that those were the six loudest, most terrifying minutes of the procedure. Towards the end, the machine started shaking and beeping like there was a nuclear melt down happening. It crossed my mind that the Yellowstone Caldera had finally blown and that Chip had fled for his life and I was going to die wedged in a tiny tube.

But, I have already gotten the results back and my brain is, apparently, completely normal. I think that their definition of "normal" may be a bit skewed but my headaches are just headaches and I can finally say for sure:


*sorry for telling you you suck if you hate this song. I've just been through something traumatic, you'll have to forgive me.


  1. Hooray!!! No axe-wielding psychos for you!

    I think we should all have a Chip or two in our lives.

    Think stress is causing it? There's a lot to stress about. Zombie apocalypse for one.

  2. Nope, they are just migraines. I read somewhere, recently, that there is a gene for migraines, and I seem to have it. Whee!

  3. Congrats on not having a tumor. I think you should have an "It's not a tumor" party :)

    You've just reminded me that I think I'll ask for the "I can't deal with this, I need a standing MRI" next time. I doubt I could do one of those again. Yeah, "again." -Like I'm anticipating having another one someday. Hey, you never know. (FYI, I never had a tumor either. Ooooh! We can have a party together!)

  4. MRIs freak me out and I've never even had one. The closest I've gotten is a CT scan with radioactive contrast. The last one I had the tech told me that I should ask my doctor for a sedative if I needed another one. I guess they took exception to my spastic shaking and crying. And also, the vomit. Fun Times!

    Also, I'm glad that it's not a tumor.

    Also, also, I second the "It's Not a Tumor" party.

  5. I wish I had a nickel for every time I've heard the words "being stuck in a tube with sub-par Van Halen". It happens more often than you think, but usually involves a submarine.

  6. I bet you had a fun time with the MRI and Mr.Chip! Glad to hear that you have no tumors!

  7. Is your hair really long? I used to get headaches like this when my hair was down to my waist. They stopped after I got about 8 inches of it cut off. Just a thought.

    Third on the "It's Not A Tumor" Party!

  8. Very happy to here we will not have a serial killer within our blogging circle.. Not to say we don't already have one.. Or even two maybe.. MRI's totally freak me out and they don't offer music up here, they offer drugs and I'll take that over "When It's Love." In fact, I think that song caused me to USE drugs!

  9. Even if you don't have an actual "It's Not a Tumor" party, could you maybe draw a picture of the party and post it for us? (Then you could invite llamas.)

  10. I am a long time sufferer of the migraines (year 16) and a 3 time MRI survivor - but I did not get Chip or sub-par Van Halen so now I feel cheated on the MRI front! Over the years I have learned that hydration is a huge key to keeping them away. If I get even the slightest bit dehydrated I get a migraine. This is something they never told me it was a process of elimination discovery. There have been a few other little things that have helped me cut back on the frequency that may be of help if you aren't tired of everyone sharing all their ideas with you. Let me know and I'll share what I know and maybe one morsel will help...

    In the mean-time I will have an "its not a tumor party" at my desk for you today.


  11. It could have been worse? At least it was a tumor free MRI! Woot....wish we all had those. I always pick the jazz, I'll have to try the 80s mix next time.

  12. Honestly, I like "When It's Love" because Dad made us a mixed tape when he had to live across the country. So, that song has special meaning to me, but in reality, no, it's not very deep. (And yes, David Lee Roth WAS better.)


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