Friday, September 2, 2011

And a pinch to grow an inch!

Hey! Hey guys!

In exactly ONE MONTH, guess what!!!

No... guess again.
. . .

Damn it, fine.


I wanted to give you advance warning so that you could all get together and plan me the best internet surprise party EVAR.  I'll go along thinking, 'they've all forgotten, no one's said a thing about it at all,' but then POW, you'll all jump out and scream "SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!" and then I will most likely have a heart attack, which would be really sad... but wouldn't you be quite startled if approximately 1200 people all jumped out at you at the same time? That shit is scary.  Don't do that!

And you really couldn't keep it a secret anyway.  I would be driven to google "Surprise party for JRose" every day, because someone will make some comment somewhere and I would KNOW, just KNOW what was going on, and my detective nature will ruin it all. I'm an asshole like that.

But other than Halloween, birthdays are my favorite holidays. What's better than a day ALL FOR ME ONE SPECIAL PERSON!?  No one in my family really made a big deal about major holidays growing up, but my parents threw my sister and me big theme birthday parties every year that were totally bitchin'. AND they let us have boy/girl sleepovers, in high school, so yeah.

 I know you are thinking to yourself now, 'You've convinced me, your birthday is super important, but what should I get you!?' because like me, you are desperate for love and attention thoughtful and generous. And to that I say, "You don't have to get me a damned thing... unless you want to..." and then I will take anything that wasn't rubbed on a dead body OR poop and that doesn't contain something that will surely cause me some sort of physical harm. No zombie viruses, no anthrax, no ground glass, and though I appreciate the thought, no bodily fluids.

That may not help, but clearly you have been reading my blarg so you should have a slight idea of things that I like.

Llamas, narwhals, goats, dinosaurs, Back to the Future, Ghostbusters, R2-D2 (and Star Wars), Data (and Star Trek), Harry Potter, Portal, zombies, bacon, candy (that doesn't taste like bacon), stickers, felt barrettes, large stacks of cash and gift cards, diamonds, unicorn shaped jumbo jets, keys to a shiny new Australia.... or a mash up of any of the above.

Here is some examples of things I think are awesome:

Interesting fact- I always draw myself mirrored. I actually wear my barrettes on the right side. 

Any of these things from my wishlist on

And Archie McPhee is always fun:

 I also collect metal lunchboxes, hand-painted plastic snowdomes, and mold-o-rama figurines and have a wishlist at

And one of my favorite birthday songs, to get us all in the mood!

p.s. You are totally expected to save birthday wishes for my actual birthday. I mean, you can give them now but they don't actually count until 4:04 am EST October 2nd.

ETA- Awesome reader Ronja has created a facebook birthday party event. I think it maybe be a surprise, but I somehow figured it out. =P


  1. Keys to a shiny new Australia...O____o DR. HORRIBLE'S SING-ALONG BLOG!!! What do I win?

    Oh, and also happy early birthday and stuff.

  2. Happy birthday. Did you ever find out why that site 'Gothise' is linking to you? I am having the same 'problem' and want to find out what is going on- it is messing with my stats.

    Thanks doll,
    The Glamorous Housewife


    Who's coming?!

  4. @ The Glamorous Housewife-- I have no idea. I imagine it is some sort of bot they have set up to draw traffic there. I figured as long as they were doing it, I might as well get actual hits. ;)

    @Ronja- *super double mega heart* I will totally be there.

  5. :D I totally made you a crappy present, even though it's not a material thing, and I'm a month early!
    (I know it sounds sketchy, but still. I couldn't wait.)

  6. U~^^v D.^+](~v T- V-,,

    (That was supposed to be the top half of the words Happy Birthday To You coming slowly up over the horizon)

  7. Um, where do we send the presents? Maybe you need to get a P.O. box for all of the b-day loot.

  8. @Alan, I have actually considered that. Shall be looked into if there is actually a need. =D

  9. I'm leaving your present on your facebook page OMFG I could just die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  10. I think its cool that you have the word "confetti" wrote on the floor of your house. I have always wanted to do that, but never had the courage.

  11. This has nothing to do w/ your birthday (tho I'll be wishing you a good one in a month) but I knew you would be interested. the MN state fair is serving up Sweet corn ice cream...with honey-butter-bacon topping. Maybe that s/b included in the festivities? :)

  12. I've already got ideas for small but fun presents for you :) :D I shall be starting them probably this week.

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  14. Why is your party guest poking you in the boob with a stick? As a fresh corpse, he wouldn't need a poking stick. It would be a prime opportunity for a free feel.


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