Friday, December 9, 2011

Scrooged.


I'm having a hard time getting into the holiday spirit this year.

For the first time in. . . forever, actually, I think, I cannot afford to send gifts to my friends around the country.

Of course, they will understand, but the problem is, sending things out to people is also MY gift.

The whole process of baking fiddly things and then having to bake more because the monster version of my husband eats half the batch of cookies in the middle of the night, and packaging them up with funny labels, and dealing with the heinously rude jerk mail lady, Betty, after waiting in a giant line, sweating to death because I am wearing 2 sweaters and a fluffy coat and the post office is toasty warm, is my present to myself.
I don't get many presents, so I usually sustain myself by sending things out and being elf-like.  Not LOTR elf-like, more of the Harry Potter/Keeblerish type, and that I can't afford that right now kinda makes me one grumpy asshole.

And unfortunately, "Jesus" being "the reason for the season" doesn't really work for me, because I am Jewish and the Maccabees are the reason for the season, which doesn't ring quite as nicely, since they were an army, and long burning oil during a cleaning binge isn't terribly inspiring. So, barring some unexpected windfall,  I guess this year I'll gorge myself on latkes and Christmas cookies and then I'll go out and find some orphans to kick and maybe staple little antlers on some dormice.

As an aside, I've never understood why they make places so damned hot inside during the winter when people are dressed warmly anyway.  I mean, I don't need it to be negative degrees inside too, but it should be cool enough that people don't get heat stroke while waiting in line, buying eggnog.


15 comments:

  1. Oh, JRose, I love you so. Finding Cheeseblarg has been a gift for me this year, and I really mean that. You are immensely talented and funny and a very good person. Merry Maccabeemas.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Pickle scarf!

    I hear you on the indoor heat thing. It applies to the car too -- those heaters go way too high.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I completely agree....though I am a Christian, I don't get all excited about this time of the year. I actually chuckle at the crazies running around because...dun dun duuun... 'it's coming!!'

    ReplyDelete
  4. You're my gift! You make me laugh and I relate to the random stuff you rant about, particularly the heat thing. Fuck those fuckers. I shouldn't have to carry my goddamned heavy jacket around because you want your employees dressed in short sleeves as they stand near the doors.

    I'm in the same boat, I'm making what presents I can and just sending good thoughts to everyone else.

    ReplyDelete
  5. My christmas gifts this year consist of handmade felties and chocolate coins for people all of which my mother has supplied I just made them cos I'm a poor student!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Think of it this way... your blog posts are your gift to the world!

    I know that is kind of sappy. Please don't find me and staple antlers to my head.

    ReplyDelete
  7. It's like you guys are assuming I get any joy out of doing this. =P

    @Haley- Unless you happen to be a dormouse, I think we can just glue the antlers on. =D

    ReplyDelete
  8. You could still make things for people you love...draw them something! (I agree with previous posters...your blog always puts a smile on my face)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Don't forget to gamble all of your gelt away while playing dreidel. It's not Hannukah without the intense risk factor of losing all of your chocolate coins.

    ReplyDelete
  10. your humour is a pretty great gift ,its one thing im using in between the crying this year !

    ReplyDelete
  11. I totally relate. About A. Being poor and not having money to buy/make people the gifts you want to give them (ingredients are expensive!) and B the heat thing. I end up wearing short sleeves and skirts all winter because ITS WAY TOO EFFING HOT INSIDE. It's so frustrating. I have a handful of sweaters i NEVER get to wear.

    ReplyDelete
  12. W H A T ???? You don't dw-rink? Okay, I will take one day/night off just because you don't drink. (actually I was already planning to take a day away, so it just kinda lined up pretty like and all, its late though, almost tomorrow, no wait, it already is) Sorry I couldn't send you a cake. If you e-mail me a real mailing address I will send you a surprise! Yea! You are a blessing. Really I'm just saying all these things 'cause now I'm scared you are going to show up and staple something to me, ouch.

    ReplyDelete
  13. @esb- Email me at the address at the bottom of the page and I shall send you it.
    And nope, don't drink alcohol at all as my body is intolerant of it. It makes me super sick within a matter of minutes.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I definitely laughed at Hungry Mungry husband with his arm around you. (I revisit that post rather frequently because it makes me laugh every single time.)

    I feel your pain about gifts though. Yesterday I realised how close it was to Christmas and how little money I have and how many people I wanted to give gifts to... and then I went to bed because I didn't want to think about it anymore.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I hear you, Jodee. We've spent the last month spending all the money on our sick dog. At least a good chunk of the money...we've held some back in case she turns out worse than expected!

    Anyone stepping foot near the post office this time of year is outta their ever-loving mind. Have you seen those people waiting??? They are rabid! Step in front of someone to get a customs form and they are like to take your head off. Maybe we should take cookies?

    You will be happy to know I wear a sweater in my store. I keep the thermostat set at 65 degrees. And I still get too hot if I'm busy-busy!

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...