I am trying to write this post while sounding more funny than bitter, but I have to confess that I have been in a giant buttload of pain for the past couple days, and my pain meds aren't working, and I kinda want to fall into unconsciousness and only awaken when my body decides to stop being such a dickface. Today, however, is not the day that my body is going to be doing that, it seems.
So these are things that I have thought would make me feel better, since narcotics aren't working. If you can arrange any of these, and they do make me feel better, you will rule the entire internet.
Cuddling with goats:
Obscene amounts of bacon:
A unicorn reading to me:
Or a winning lottery ticket, which probably won't take away my pain, but certainly could buy me things that would make being in pain much more bearable, like a Bacon Butler™, and a private swimming pool with a mermaid masseuse, and a pegacorn jumbo jet.