Twentyish by Fortyish

 I add "ish" to my bucket lists. Like 4 before 40-ish, give or take a few years.

— Jennifer 

Tomorrow I will be 39 and a ½ so following the tradition of age-related goal setting, with the all too poignant reminders I’ve had lately that life is far too short, I am coming up with a list of things I would like to do before 40, but as my twitter friend suggested, I’ll make it by 40ish, because I am chronically ill and I’m not willing to beat myself up for not reaching goals that are arbitrary to begin with. So these are things that I would like to do in my life and soon, that I am willing to put some effort towards. Also, I do stuff I want to all the time, so I’m pretty sure I’m not going to come up with 40 things I really want to do that I haven’t done before (or in a really long time), so, here’s 20ish by 40ish:

1. Go to the Grand Canyon
2. Pick my nose at the Grand Canyon

I could make them really easy related things like "Go to Grand Canyon" "Pick nose at Grand Canyon" #40by40ish

— J Rose

3. Get a book published by an actual publisher (and not just self-publishing- clearly this requires cooperation by entities other than myself which makes it so much harder)
4. Gamble in Las Vegas
5. Pick my nose while gambling in Las Vegas (also counts if it is just done in a casino)
6. Pet a llama
7. Snuggle goats (I would say pet a goat, but most of my childhood was spent petting goats apparently)

 

8. Meet internet friends in person
9. Read a new Stephen King book
10. Collect all the cats in Atsume Neko

My goodies bring all the kitties to the yard. #nekoatsume #newbie

A photo posted by JRose (@cheeseblarg) on Mar 30, 2016 at 10:24pm PDT

11. Go to a dentist despite being a complete dental phobe (extra points for not having overwhelming anxiety whilst doing so)
12. Try bone marrow
13. Vote for Bernie Sanders
14. See the new Ghostbusters movie in the theater
15. Pick my nose while watching the new Ghostbusters movie
16. Plan a surprise party for my cat

17. Write a short story
18. Purge a bunch of my belongings that I don’t need or ever think about
19. Make pasta from scratch
20. Have funny colored hair (again, my college career was a time of rainbow hair)
21. Eat an entire village
22. Eat a fruit I've never had before, for dessert, after eating an entire village

And with that said, stay tuned for this exciting project!

Coming to da blarg (with extra content at Patreon for supporters) at the end of April!

Rosetta Stone for Goats

click the comic to biggify

My husband was gifted a copy of Rosetta Stone during the holidays. He asked me to help him install it. My instructions were: Put the disk in the computer. Follow the instructions. Don't eat the disk.

Blech.

I am trying to write this post while sounding more funny than bitter, but I have to confess that I have been in a giant buttload of pain for the past couple days, and my pain meds aren't working, and I kinda want to fall into unconsciousness and only awaken when my body decides to stop being such a dickface. Today, however, is not the day that my body is going to be doing that, it seems.

So these are things that I have thought would make me feel better, since narcotics aren't working. If you can arrange any of these, and they do make me feel better, you will rule the entire internet. 

Cuddling with goats:

Obscene amounts of bacon:

Cheese and dough is a bonus!

A unicorn reading to me:

Or a winning lottery ticket, which probably won't take away my pain, but certainly could buy me things that would make being in pain much more bearable, like a Bacon Butler™, and a private swimming pool with a mermaid masseuse, and a pegacorn jumbo jet. 

Hanukkah 2011- 7th Night- There was a sale!

This is usually the sweet spot.  The day after Christmas sometimes can bring some AWESOME gifts that are now half-price and cheap enough to buy for people you care about. And sometimes, it can just bring a lot of cheap crap that you still don't want but OMG, there is more of it. YAY!

Guess which one you got tonight!

(see another post if you can't figure out how to open the present)

Actual Conversations- Fire and Goats

These are hilarious and inappropriate, in that order. Because me and my friends are punny. You have been warned.

Awesome Things Friday!

It's Friday. I have things for you, but they have no real stories, other than the fact that they are awesome things. So today is:

AWESOME THINGS FRIDAY!

(just imagine that flashing obnoxiously)

DANCING GOAT!

High-five little goat!

JOEY RAMONE!

and by association, Rock N Roll High School.

SHOWTIME ROTISSERIE!

As enjoyable to watch as it is to eat sausages from it!

BACON AND PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICHES! 

I don't have a picture but they are awesome.

That's all.  Feel free to share some of your awesome things with me!

Dear Valentine v.2

Okay, granted, yesterday's Valentine's cards probably are not appropriate for everyone.  Today, I have some cute ones that shouldn't get you slapped or blocked.

Confused? See IT'S A DOG!

Bah!

Sorry, my dog ate my post.

Don't forget to enter the Be My Valentine contest!

And go read the poems. They are great!

It's a DOG!

I think I would like a pet goat, but seeing as I live in the middle of the city and... in a condo, it is probably not feasible.  Of course, I could just tell people it was a dog and then get really irrational and angry with them when they tried to point out that that was not the case so they would leave it alone.

I imagine it would go something like this:

Me, happily walking along with pet goat.
Neighbor: You can't have a goat.
Me: It's not a goat, it's a dog.
Neighbor: It has horns...
Me: IT'S NOT A GOAT! IT CAN'T HELP IT HAS HORNS! YOU HAVE HORNS!!!!
Neighbor, retreats inside.
Goat and I high-five.