Back to Technology of the Future: Get Kickstarted!

I missed my projected deadline of October 21st for this post, by quite a bit, but there were reasons. So, let's all just get in our time travel device of choice and "pretend" that today is October 21, 2012.*

OCT. 21 2012

Oh, hello there. What a fortuitous day to make a post!

According to the documentary "Back to the Future II," in 3 short years, (or perhaps sooner) we will have hovercraft capabilities. While vehicle use is the most widely publicized utilization for hover technology (see figures 1 and 2), I am at this moment campaigning for another use that will be of much greater benefit to society: Hover Furniture.

fig. 1 (source  slashgear)

fig. 2 (source fanboy)

I came up with this idea for hover furniture after stubbing the holy bejesus out of three of my toes on a piece of furniture that I walk by on a daily basis.

With hover furniture, each piece could be plugged into the wall, or wired in to a home's electrical system, and thanks to stabilization algorithms, would happily hum, a foot off the ground assuring that you never stubbed your toes, ever again. I know what you're thinking, "WHAT ABOUT MY SHINS!?" Have no worry, floating furniture comes with the extra feature of "nudge orientation" which allows the furnishings to move slightly to lessen the impact when hit, after which, it reorientates itself smoothly back to its original position, which is marked on the floor with nearly undetectable bearing pins. This nudge orientation will not effect the object when a part of it is pulled out, or a door opened, but only when approached from non-functional angles, so you don't have to worry about those knick-knacks on the top of your bureau jostling around every time you open a drawer to get out a pair of socks.

But what about my hover bed? I am afraid I might get seasick if things get amorous!

Objects that are made to take human weight are all designed with a button that allows for complete stabilization while occupied. Of course, it can be disengaged and you can lull yourself to sleep on gentle waves, or turn your favorite chair into a rocker. And the quiet hum of the bed is GREAT for insomnia.

Hover Furniture. It is your future, just three years away.

* Does time traveling get you down? Never know what to wear or how many pairs of underwear to pack? Well, we have a solution for that too!







And THIS is why this post wasn't ready on time.  I have started a Kickstarter to actually manufacture these underwear sets. Check it out HERE [link redacted] and share it with everyone you know who loves Dr. Who and/or Back to the Future. If the project gets fully funded, I will be giving away two sets of undies here to two lucky readers as a way to celebrate!


 Early entries are available by sharing a link to my kickstart project on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, or on your blog, and sending me a link to where you shared it, here or on Cheeseblarg's message function on facebook (early entries will be meticulously record, because that's what I do). No spamming though, please! Only 4 early entries possible.

How I learned not to jump at solid objects.

Today's post is guest illustrated by my darling friend Vez, who is also (or actually) my darling friend Rhea, who has a link to her Etsy shop featured on the side of the blarg.  Check out her art blog here! And now to our regularly scheduled program!

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In middle school, my logic centers were not nearly as strong as they are now. This is best illustrated by the time I went to my friend, Marie Silva's, house one summer afternoon to go play in her pool.  They had a giant pool in a screened in area and it was awesome because it had a diving board AND mosquitoes couldn't eat you.  So, we were all playing in the water and taking turns jumping off the diving board, merrily as can be.  It was her little brother and sister and the two of us, and playing in the pool turned from just jumping off the board, to a frenzied race to be first off the diving board, up the ladder, around the pool, and back over to the diving board. So we jumped, and swam, and ran, soaking the pool deck, scrambling back on to the board to jump off again, quicker and quicker. After a few turns of this, I got it into my head that the best way to get out of the pool faster was to jump closer to the ladder.  Unfortunately, there was some sort of mathematical failure in my head (I probably forgot to carry the one, somewhere).

In fact, my brilliant idea of jumping towards the ladder did not work out as I had planned at all and actually turned into gracefully smashing my face into the metal ladder, biting nearly clear through my lip, and almost knocking myself out, as my chin hit the step.

This is also the day where I learned the lesson that other people's parents don't want to take you to the emergency room, as I was ushered into Ms. Silva's car and driven across Miami, past at least three hospitals, where I was unceremoniously dumped on my doorstep so my own mother could take me to the ER.

 Once there, we waited for a several hours, with a sock full of ice on my face, so they could tell me that I didn’t need stitches because I failed at biting through my lip all the way, and I just needed a butterfly bandage and a better respect for the laws of physics.