I'm A Meat Popsicle.

I prefer to shower at night, or in the afternoon. That way I can put off sitting around with my head damp and freezing for as long as possible. During the winter, in this little house we've moved into, I have found that showering at night is a problem. The fan in our bathroom that's activated by our light switch is a conduit directly to outside, so turning the switch on means I am pumping fast moving sub-arctic air into a room where a fine mist of water is supposed to be warming me up (and cleaning me, yadda yadda). So until I get fed up and buy a lamp for the bathroom, my solution currently is just showering in the dark. My husband thought I did this because I'm a goth or something. I really have no idea what he thinks I'm doing half the time because he never asks, really, he just dutifully turns off the light for me and goes away, probably wondering why the hell he married such a weirdo.

And, in other news, the brand new computer I bought... it died... two weeks after getting it. The hard drive has been replaced after much complaining and flailing. They kindly sent out an awesome nerd tech named Nic who talked to me about fun nerd topics while we waited for it to actually install.

And I am working hard on a new novel, writing at least an hour every day. It deals with current affairs and is an R rated vigilante thriller. Becoming a patron on patreon with the button below can get you access to excerpts weekly with a pledge of just 3 dollars a post (with no more than 4 posts a month- so a minimum of 12 bucks a month maximum! Wait, that was confusing. it could be 3-12 bucks for access to good stuff). There are also art bonuses for higher levels of patronage.

Cheeseblarg Does Makeup: Twin Peaks Eyelook (and bonus Aurora Borealis)

If you've watched Twin Peaks, you should be familiar with the inspiration for my newest makeup look. If not, it will just look weird and really, welcome to Twin Peaks.

This video is not so much funny as it is nerdy (it's a little funny), and I think that is really the direction I want to go with my new makeup tutorial channel. There is Nerdy Nummies, for cooking nerd themed food and Super-Fan Builds (that starred my good friend Tim for a while there) for building nerd themed things, so I think I will probably gravitate towards nerd themed makeup looks. Mostly because I have naturally sort of started out that way with videos relating to Clockwork Orange and Astronomy and Cult TV Shows because those are the things that interest and inspire me (and I have an order of makeup on its way that my cat got me for Mother's Day that all happen to be Harry Potter colors, so a house colors video should be coming out eventually).

Anyway, if you enjoy makeup and nerdy things, please subscribe to my channel and go there and thumbs up my videos and encourage me with comments and shares! Or at least don't mail me dead animals as punishment for making them.

And a bonus video - Colorful Skies on you Eyelids! (with a fair amount of NSFW language)

Cheeseblarg's 2016 Nerd-Out

In addition to reading a bunch of books, last year (but incidentally not finishing the reading challenge... after Tracey's coma, I got a little distracted, to say the least-- but I did finish most of it), I also found a whole bunch of new nerd things to be obsessed with.

It's amazing when you are spending every day in bed, in pain, how much nerdy joy can bloom in your heart.

SUPERNATURAL

I basically started watching this so I could understand the million memes that show up on my Tumblr and Facebook timelines, and I highly recommend it if you are into monster and demon folklore... or if you're into hot guys. It works for that, too.
Supernatural is the story of two brothers who hunt monsters of lore (you know, werewolves, vampires, ghosts, chupacabras, etc), crossing the country on various quests in a Chevy Impala, with a bitchin' old rock soundtrack. Seriously, I think they spend at least as much on song rights as they do on production quality, which is pretty good. There is way more to the plot than that, and it gets quite interesting (though there is a lull in the beginning of season 6... just push on through, it really is worth it, I think). The greatest thing about it is that the show nods to so many of my favorite nerd things. There are Ghostbusters references galore, and all sorts of 80s references, which are so much fun, and there are some good jump scares to boot.

STEVEN UNIVERSE

I know it is weird since I draw comics and such, but I don't really love cartoons. It is hard for me to make myself watch them, but again, all of my good friends were obsessed with Stephen Universe, so I figured I would check it out, and then I watched all of the episodes in a few days. They are just 15 minutes each, so it is easy to fit some in when you have a moment... or a few days.
Steven is a pre-teen boy who lives in a seaside town with three alien warriors, called Crystal Gems, who have tasked themselves with protecting the Earth from anything that might threaten humans. His dad, Greg, a former small-time rock star, runs the local carwash and every once in a while checks in on his son, divulging more about his mother, Rose Quartz.
The show is different than any other kids (or adult) show I've ever seen. There are some great songs that you'll want to download (if you're anything like me), and some really poignant social commentary that doesn't feel like it is being shoved down your throat. Most excitingly, it is really inclusive. There are fat characters (who are loved and amazingly not the butt of every joke), and gay characters, and characters of all different colors and creeds.  Really, Steven and the Crystal Gems are just the kind of people that you want to be friends with.

My favorite song!

DEADPOOL

If you've seen the movie and have been paying attention to my sense of humor, you should already understand this love. If not, Deadpool is a wise-cracking, foul-mouthed anti-hero who regularly breaks the 4th wall (i,e, talks to the audience). Major crush. See the movie if you're into funny gory action movies, but don't bring your kids, please.

FUTURE GIRL

I have been waiting for this day for the past 26 years, since I saw Back to the Future II in the theater with my grandma, opening weekend. Congratulations to us all, for making it to the future!

Pintester Movement: That's Not A Moon!

It is also not a dented flamboyant golf ball though it looks like one of those, too.

So, I am back, thanks to Sonja Foust's Pintester Movement again. She really does a good job of getting me to post once a month. This time, we're all making ornaments (serious, go look at all the awesome ornaments in the links!), and I wanted to try out this awesome Star Wars Disco Death Star that I found on Pinterest.

This picture is not mine. This is what it should look like. This is awesome. 

It should be noted that there are no square sequins in all of Montana... in fact, there are hardly any sequins at all. I guess when you live in a place where eagles pick up baby deer and fling them at power lines, sequining shit is not a priority. After checking every other store in town, I finally found round silver sequins and since we are pintesting here, I figured, 'fuck it, that will do.'

Also, I don't know if this phenomenon is widespread but it seems that Montana thinks that Styrofoam is made out of unicorn spleens, because they are seriously pricey here. This tutorial was all, "under 5 dollars" and I was all, "bullshit!" So my ball is much smaller than their ball because I am cheap, and I wasn't paying over 6 dollars for a stupid ball, though I suppose it will never decompose, so maybe I'm supposed to be paying for longevity.

Anyway, once I started the project, it was pretty easy. Took me about 2 hours to finish it while not really paying attention to a football game on TV. I was kinda of tired of being covered in glue by the end of it, and of repositioning sequins that my giant clumsy fingers knocked out of place.

It doesn't look like the Death Star really because round sequins are built to reflect light everywhere, so it just looks like a gaudy silver ball really, but I am sure that if I tell everyone what it is when I put it in my tree, they will be able to see it... if they squint.

And, I don't really like sucking at things so I made another ornament to show that I really am good at things when I am given the correct supplies. This one is from the following tutorial I found on Pinterest, which I used as an inspiration, again, because I couldn't find exactly what it called for and these bitchin' hollow glass globes were on sale at our fancy craft store.

Here are their versions:

source

And here is mine:

TOO SOON!

I needle felted the landscape from polyfill fiber and various colored wool, and the T-Rex came from our local animal feed/farming store. I have no idea why they have tiny dinosaurs in the farm store, but I am glad they do, because, while it is insensitive to dinosaurs, apocalyptic dino deaths are one of my favorite art subjects. Should I find the appropriate medium before Christmas, I may even glaze the back of this with reds and orange to really drive home the "imminent death" thing.

As a reminder, if you are sending Cheeseblarg's tree an ornament (and thank you to those who already have, they are all AWESOME), they should be to me by the 21st (if it is a day or two late, I'll cope, but I do need time to get them photographed and coded). I can't wait to see all the ones that are on their way! You guys are super awesome!

And while I am showing off my needle felting, though it has absolutely nothing to do with the Pintester Movement, this is still my blarg, and I can show off why I haven't been entertaining y'all as frequently. Part of it is getting Hanukkah presents ready for you guys (Starting Thanksgiving night, there will be daily posts coming for eight whole days), but mostly, I have been stabbing things and making money doing so to replace my husband's lost unemployment.

If you are interested in buying a felt from me, I have the white and black Dalek on Etsy (the rest have been sold), and I am happy to make almost any felt sculpture that someone is willing to pay for (unless it is a human baby) as long as you are willing to wait a week or so for it to be done. Remember, these are not sewn pieces, they are all stabbed and are solid (but soft). They are art pieces, and not really suitable for playing with, because tugging can pull the wool out of place. If you're interested, I can only manage about 10 of them before it becomes too late for gifting for Christmas, so feel free to contact me at cheeseblarg at live dot com so I can get a piece done for you. Fair warning, I am working at 15 bucks an hour on these, and most take me several hours to do, but as you can see, they are pretty damned awesome.

Cheeseblarg's Ornament-O-Rama Project

If you'll remember from my many mentions, I was raised Jewish, which means that we didn't have Christmas trees... what with the not celebrating Christmas and stuff.

But now that I am an adult, and my family either lives with me or a couple blocks away, I insist on celebrating Christmas every year. I must make clear, I am totally in it for the festivities, and not for any religious reason at all. I will seriously celebrate any holiday where I can give or get presents, and make ridiculous amounts of food.

I don't begrudge other people their faith, as long as they are not jerks about it, in which case I might say snarky things behind their backs, but I just like being nice and celebrating things, so now my family is forced to celebrate Christmas (which is actually awesome this year since Hanukkah is super early, it would be utterly disappointing to twiddle our thumbs all through December).

In the past couple years, I have made do with my paper craft Christmas tree.

It is super cute, and I love it, but I wanted a REAL (fake) Christmas tree, so when everything was discounted after the holidays last year, my mom bought me a half-priced tree friend. Since, unlike everyone else in the world who has a lifetime's worth of decorations saved up, I have... none, I got myself a few ornaments as the leftover Christmas stuff got more and more reduced. However, since I'm a nerd, I ended up with about 7 ornaments that pleased me and stayed within the ever sucking budget of a starving artist.

Quick math problem here:

LOL I can't count.

As bitchin' as my Stay Puft Marshmallow Man ornament is, I don't think it is going to carry the whole tree, so I am launching, RIGHT NOW:

The Cheeseblarg Ornament-O-Rama Project.

As you have seen from my previous posts on the subject, I am working on my own ornaments, but I was reading Sonja's blog, Pintester, and I thought it would be awesome, and likely hilarious, if she and I got together to challenge people to make ornaments for my first ever family tree, since I feel like the Cheeseblargians and my fellow Pintestes are my internet family anyway. And since she agreed, here were are!

While I would love to have nerdy ornaments that are catered to my favorite themes:

• Zombies
• Bacon
• Cats
• Dinosaurs
• Cupcakes (or sweets in general)
• Ghostbusters
• Doctor Who
• Back to the Future Trilogy
• Beetlejuice
• Star Wars and Trek
• Video Games
• Llamas
• Narwhals
• Anything I have mentioned loving on da blarg
• Absolutely not a whale under any circumstance

I will pretty much be happy with whatever I get as long as it is not particularly religious, or a dead animal that hasn't been properly taxidermied, or a live animal, or actual poop, OR a swastika ... even a really cute swastika. No matter how badly crafted it is (pin fails are awesome), I will totally put it on my tree.  Unless it is a whale... in which case I will cry and cower in a corner.

I will be making a post on Black Friday with photographs of each ornament on my tree featuring links to blogs or shops of anyone who has sent me an ornament, so that your pages receive extra traffic, and hopefully sales (if you are a seller of crafts).

So there is your challenge: Ornament me!

The Fussy Details:

• Ornaments need to be to me by November 21st. I want to have plenty of time to arrange and photograph ornaments, as well as code the subsequent post.

• Please, be sure to include your name, email address, and blog address (and/or online shop address) with your ornament so I can give you proper credit.

• Please, don't send me things that you want back. I hope to make these ornaments part of my yearly tradition.

• You don't HAVE to make your own ornament-- I will happily accept purchased ornaments, BUT I need you to include the maker in your credit information so everyone gets the traffic they deserve.

• I will also accept garlands and other things that trees traditionally wear (except toppers... I will cover that one).

• All packages can be sent to:

J Rose
[address redacted]

And finally, for my readers, please consider blogging about your ornament making experience and entering it in Pintester's "Pintester Movement," should you get inspiration for your ornament from Pinterest.



Here is a link to Cheeseblarg's Ornament-o-Rama board on Pinterest, also, in case you would like some further inspiration.

Valentine's Cards: Set Three - Nerdy but Sweet

This last set is really just a set of cards from me to myself, because they represent some of my favorite nerdiness. Hopefully they represent your favorite nerdy stuff too.

Buy them at my Zazzle shop unless they decide I can't sell them because despite painting everything from scratch they are breaking laws.

 This one is totally for the Bloggess. She should be my Valentine.

I can totally hear him saying it in Alan Rickman's voice too.

I am open to drawing more Valentines, though these are all I have planned. I feel bad for not doing a Star Trek card, but all of my ideas had already been done, so if you have a Star Trek (TNG, preferably) card in mind, let me know and I might draw it (one with Wesley Crusher gets extra points, so I can bug Wil Wheaton with it).  Also open to drawing cards (like the ones I've been posting) for pay. Just sayin'. Hit me up, Hallmark, or people who don't want to go to Hallmark because none of  their cards mention wanting to stick things in people's holes.

How Outlines are Trying to Ruin My Life.

I am extremely mad at outlines, because I am fairly certain they are the only reason why my spell checker doesn't mark lower case "I"s as incorrect.

I will now outline all the reasons that outlines should go fuck themselves.

"Why Outlines Should Go Fuck Themselves"

I. They make me look stupid when I accidentally type "i" instead of "I" when typing quickly.
     A.  I am not dumb
               i. I have a college degree.
              ii. I graduated 8th in my high school class with a grade point average of 3.919.
             iii. I use big words and stuff.

     B. I should get kudos for typing quickly, instead of looking foolish.
               i. I learned to touch type by chatting for hours on end, which makes me cool.
              ii. I use more than one finger per hand to type, and am the only person in my household to do so.
             iii. I can type in the dark and while watching reality TV shows.

II.New outlines don't even use roman numeral support lists anymore.
     A. Apparently, kids today can't handle roman numerals.
               i. They're not being forced to conform to the stupid standards that we were, which is kinda unfair.
              ii. If I had to do that shit, they should have to also.

     B. Spell Checkers are totally out of date.
              i. In addition to not marking lower case "I"s as incorrect since Arabic numbers are now the
                standard, they don't know the word Wasabi.
                   1.Or internet. . .
                        a. But they do know the word shillelagh.

III. Conclusion.
     A. Outlines and Spell Checkers are acting in collusion to screw up my ability to look like the smarty pants I am.
            i. They should go fuck themselves, as a result.

2012 Cheesy Wrap Up

Happy New Year's Eve Eve, Cheeseblargians!

I wish you all a happy and prosperous new year, with all of the LOLs and NOMs and UNFs you could hope for. I also wish me the same because I am fairly self-centered.

I come bearing a ton of funny for the end of the year, in the form of  my comic, CRAP! which you should be reading and sharing, though most of you aren't which is a bit discouraging, but today, we reach the crux of what the comic is really about, so maybe that will be the camel straw that makes people actually respond to what I am doing so I am not just drawing this damned thing only to amuse myself (though it really really does amuse me, greatly... because I know what is going to happen). Be a hipster, like it before everyone else does!

Click the previews below to get to the comic page, which, for the unobservant, is also up in the right corner of the new navigation bar (^ that a-way)

Instead of posting them as separate posts, I'm archiving all of them here and on Tumbler, which I am now using, but as you see, I am inserting the E in there, right where it belongs. Future postings should be posted at the bottom of new posts in the same form as above.

Also, my Tard the Grumpy Cat drawing is in the I Can Has Cats t-shirt contest at We Love Fine, and if you wanted to rate that shit, that would be super awesome PLUS helping funny artists is good for your New Year karma, I've been told.

click the picture to go vote!

I also wanted to share this awesome drawing of me (the real me- I actually have a nose) done by reader Milina P. because it is friggen awesome. I love it when you guys draw me, or my characters, or llama narwhal hybrids. <3

Wonder JRose!

And this was sent to me overnight by reader Amanda E. who bought me the cake I desperately wanted that they don't sell in the Northwest. It was delicious, Amanda, thank you! You continue to RULE!  =D

And that's all. It has been a pretty cool year.  I hope next year will hold more posts, comic stories and fun exciting things, including me winning the lottery or somehow becoming independently wealthy so I can take a trip to the Grand Canyon finally, and go back to NYC so I can stalk  my College Humor crush, Emily visit my favorite city ever without getting robbed again, and maybe finally find out what the hell that smell is under Grand Central Station. 

So again, Happy New Year's! I love you guys... and I'm not even drunk!

Cheeseblarg OUT!

See you next year! 

   

Hanukkah 2012: 6th Night- Dr. Whonukkah

Happy 6th Night of Hanukkah!

Tonight, your present is a Dalek Menorah!

CELEBRATE! CELEBRATE! CELEBRATE! CELEBRATE! CELEBRATE! CELEBRATE!

CELEBRATE! CELEBRATE! CELEBRATE!CELEBRATE! CELEBRATE! 

CELEBRATE! CELEBRATE! CELEBRATE!

Back to Technology of the Future: Get Kickstarted!

I missed my projected deadline of October 21st for this post, by quite a bit, but there were reasons. So, let's all just get in our time travel device of choice and "pretend" that today is October 21, 2012.*

OCT. 21 2012

Oh, hello there. What a fortuitous day to make a post!

According to the documentary "Back to the Future II," in 3 short years, (or perhaps sooner) we will have hovercraft capabilities. While vehicle use is the most widely publicized utilization for hover technology (see figures 1 and 2), I am at this moment campaigning for another use that will be of much greater benefit to society: Hover Furniture.

fig. 1 (source  slashgear)

fig. 2 (source fanboy)

I came up with this idea for hover furniture after stubbing the holy bejesus out of three of my toes on a piece of furniture that I walk by on a daily basis.

With hover furniture, each piece could be plugged into the wall, or wired in to a home's electrical system, and thanks to stabilization algorithms, would happily hum, a foot off the ground assuring that you never stubbed your toes, ever again. I know what you're thinking, "WHAT ABOUT MY SHINS!?" Have no worry, floating furniture comes with the extra feature of "nudge orientation" which allows the furnishings to move slightly to lessen the impact when hit, after which, it reorientates itself smoothly back to its original position, which is marked on the floor with nearly undetectable bearing pins. This nudge orientation will not effect the object when a part of it is pulled out, or a door opened, but only when approached from non-functional angles, so you don't have to worry about those knick-knacks on the top of your bureau jostling around every time you open a drawer to get out a pair of socks.

But what about my hover bed? I am afraid I might get seasick if things get amorous!

Objects that are made to take human weight are all designed with a button that allows for complete stabilization while occupied. Of course, it can be disengaged and you can lull yourself to sleep on gentle waves, or turn your favorite chair into a rocker. And the quiet hum of the bed is GREAT for insomnia.

Hover Furniture. It is your future, just three years away.

* Does time traveling get you down? Never know what to wear or how many pairs of underwear to pack? Well, we have a solution for that too!







And THIS is why this post wasn't ready on time.  I have started a Kickstarter to actually manufacture these underwear sets. Check it out HERE [link redacted] and share it with everyone you know who loves Dr. Who and/or Back to the Future. If the project gets fully funded, I will be giving away two sets of undies here to two lucky readers as a way to celebrate!


 Early entries are available by sharing a link to my kickstart project on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, or on your blog, and sending me a link to where you shared it, here or on Cheeseblarg's message function on facebook (early entries will be meticulously record, because that's what I do). No spamming though, please! Only 4 early entries possible.

The PEEPS are a lie!

If you guessed that this is the video game that I was going to dioramacize for the CHEESEBLARG PEEPS CHALLENGE, it is probably because you are SUPER SMART and also because you have been paying attention. Congratulations!

Remember, you still have until SUNDAY to turn in your dioramas, and mine are not eligible for prizes*, because even that is a bit too narcissistic for me. Imagine how hilarious that would be though, if I made contests for you guys and declared myself the winner every time.

Anyway, without further ado, I give you:

PEEPS PORTAL

2nd Annual Cheeseblarg Peeps Diorama Challenge- VIDEO GAMES!

Last year was our first Annual Peeps Diorama Challenge here at da Cheeseblarg.  Unlike normal Peeps contests, this one is judged well AFTER Easter so that we can all take advantage of half-priced candy, which is a long-held Jewish tradition (in my household, at least).

This year, we continue that tradition with:

Your challenge, should you choose to accept it (and you should), is to create a diorama (aka a miniature scene) depicting the VIDEO GAME of your choice utilizing Marshmallow Peeps (of any sort). Upload your creation to Cheeseblarg's facebook page or send it to me on twitter OR place a link to your blog (with your entry) in the comments. 

You have until April 22nd at which time, the AWESOME nerd band from Oklahoma,  Dr. Pants (as seen in The Bloggess' bathroom), will be judging your entries and picking the winner.

What does the winner get?! Well, at this point, they get a used DVD copy of Pinata: Survival Island and some dryer lint, but I have and will continue to look for better prizes.* BUT beyond that, you also get your artistry judged by awesome people and all entries will be displayed here on the blarg and on Pinterest.

Examples from last year's contest:

by Kimberly Bowers

By Rhea Blackthorne

by Me!

*If you have any video game related prizes or gift cards that you are willing and able to donate to the cause, please let me know. I will plug the hell out of you for helping. Thanks!

Arizona HB2625, amirite!?

I really ought to get to the Grand Canyon before I am too disgusted to ever step foot in Arizona again.

You know, this is really not a political blarg, and I am really not a political person, until it comes to my lady bits... so again... if you hate politics, feel free to skip to the second picture.

But after reading about the latest bill coming out of Arizona, I felt the need to share one of my medically necessary reasons for birth control.

Think it would pass legislative muster? 

AND, because I am a nerd and cannot ignore it.

Queen of the Nerds

I'm supposed to be writing a Secret Cupid Valentine Exchange Round-up because it went really well, but unfortunately, I received The Big Bang Theory on DVD for Valentine's day from my friend Vez, so I have no desire to do anything but fall in love with fictional nerds who will also ignore me and, on occasion, make me cry.  It is like single life all over again.
I must say, I'm proud of myself for understanding so many of the jokes (and not just laughing because they said something I didn't understand at all, which is what I imagine a lot of people do). I am disappointed that they referred to giving electric shocks as "negative reinforcement" when talking about operant conditioning. Any psychology nerds out there will understand my ire. Everyone else will just continue to call me nit-picky and say that I am too serious, but what the hell is the purpose of giving things names if we are just going to call psychological techniques anything we damned well please?!  Also, unrelated to the show, don't get me started on schizophrenia being stupidly and incorrectly mistaken for multiple personality disorders in popular culture. Seriously, cringe-worthy.



So, I'm going to do the round up tomorrow, most likely, and in the meantime, back to my imaginary nerd harem.

It was taking way too long, attempting to draw convincing comic versions of the cast. I don't have the patience while I am jonesing to watch more.

What Nerds Think: About Attractive People

I saw someone today with one of the most symmetrical faces I have ever seen. 

Some things, not so helpful.

I'm a smart ass.

 Beyond that, I tend to think very literally sometimes, which is fairly apparent in my humor stylings.

As a result, I have a hard time not being a psychic jerk to people who stand on the side of the roads panhandling, when they have stupid signs. By psychic jerk, I mean I don't actually antagonize real people, but I fantasize about it, because being a jerk in real life sucks but in your imagination, it is awesome.

The sign that bothers me most is the "ANYTHING HELPS!" sign.

I think you really need to be specific about what ACTUALLY helps. If I ever find myself in a situation where I need to beg for money on the side of the road, I already have my sign planned.

The Bloggess Paper Dolls

So I was taking a shower, thinking like I do while in the shower when I run out of choruses from songs I don't really know. I had just been tooling around on Twitter and there was a stream of tweets from The Bloggess about "The Traveling Red Dress," at which time I went and looked at pictures of Jenny in the Traveling Red Dress and shortly after, my shower thoughts went to how I adore the many dress up pictures of The Bloggess. I wasn't looking at twitter in the shower, in case that was unclear. Though, my weasels, I would love to own a waterproof electronic internet-ready device so that I could interface with Skynet at all times... but I digress.
I thought, you know what would be awesome... uh, Bloggess Paper Dolls. Because, I mega heart paper dolls (as we should know from my many dress up games) and I really wanted to draw Wolf Blitzer as a paper doll outfit. And while I usually would make a flash game, I thought it would bring people more joy to do it old school with the added happy of getting to color the outfits. Coloring + Paper Dolls is almost as good as bacon and frosting (but not together... bacon and then a while later, frosting).

So I (we, because she did the kick ass border), give you:

Seriously, click to embiggen, print it out, color all the outfits, cut them out, take pictures of them being played with. Share them with the both of us. Make Copernicus choke the hell out of her (not because we don't like her, but well... read the post and you will understand I mean her no ill will).

If you can afford it, please go buy an official version from her store.  All profits go to charity, and charity is awesome!

And secret fact:  My earlier draft had a "Beyonce the Metal Chicken" costume for The Bloggess to wear, but it was too clunky and she just looked like she worked at El Pollo Tropical, so I switched to a stalking Beyonce instead.

Also, some of the tabs are completely useless and are there to amuse me. Just fold them out of the way.

I also cannot be sure I washed my hair while I was taking that shower because I was really lost in thought. I think I did, but what does it really matter.


--Edited to add--

Want your own paper doll? 

For the first 10 people, I will draw your figure (colored) and two fashion pieces and two accessories (not colored) like The Bloggess Paper Dolls  for $30.  After that it would be $45 for the same. If you want something different (or more) let me know by emailing me cheeseblarg at live dot com, and I will figure out a reasonable fee. I'll just need photos of the figure you want drawn and clothing/accessory idea photos. Half payment is due upfront to hold your place. Doll shall be delivered by email within 2 weeks (and often way sooner).

Nominate J Rose for a social media award in the Shorty Awards

Another time I thought I had cancer.

I learned yesterday that I don't like having needles stuck into my face.  I had an inkling before that it was the sort of thing that I would not be in to, but having it done totally cemented in my mind that I REALLY don't like it. I probably like it more than the prospect of having cancer though, which is why I allowed my doctor to put a needle into my face.  If he had just been like, "You know what would be fun? Stabbing you in the face with a needle!" and then he'd come at me all:

 I would have had to use my Hamster Style on him.

But why was a doctor sticking a needle into your face, JRose?

Funny you should ask.

On Friday, my face went all Volcano-mode and the mole by my nose did a dramatic recreation of the movie 2012.

I thought, eh, pimple, whatevs, because I like to talk to myself like I am cool and hep, as the kids say. I kept screwing with it 'til it popped because if I have a giant "end of the world" sort of face sore, I cannot do anything but poke and prod until it goes away or I pass out from pain.
I am not sure what it was, I don't think it was actually a pimple, but it had its sights on my signature mole which is now gone completely because it fell off.  PART OF MY FACE FELL OFF! One of my favorite parts of my face, too. I mean, I would miss my eyelids more, but I really liked that damned mole.

Of course, by "fell off" I mean I kept messing with the little flappy part that was threatening to fall off until it ripped off, but the results are the same, a bloody gross face hole that I was pretty sure was the deadliest kind of cancer, because I always think everything is the worst thing it could ever be... and obviously, my inane expectation that I'm going to die eminently led me to the doctor's office where I allowed him to inject shots into my face to do a biopsy because while it probably isn't cancer, he says, it would super suck to be wrong.

And now I feel sorry for strangers who have to look at my post-biopsy face because I am sure they must feel uncomfortable looking at me. It kind of looks like someone put a cigarette out on my face, which should totally be my story if anyone breaks social code and asks why I am so horribly disfigured.

Where he at?

Writing everyday is actually quite hard.  I mean, being funny everyday is hard when being funny includes drawing pictures.  Thankfully, I amuse myself and my standards are lower than everyone else's. Anyway, you can thank Mary for getting this stuck in my head, and now for getting it stuck in your head too.

And if you want to make writing easier for me, you can by encouraging me with comments, likes, and sharing my posts. And thank you to everyone who does.  You're more awesome than popsicles and platypuses.