Dr. Pants- Watching the World End : A Review... kinda.

Approximately 2 weeks ago, some version of this conversation happened:

I also informed the awesome Dr. Pants that I am terrible at reviewing stuff and fail, often, at doing things on time, despite best intentions. However, my desire to not embarrass myself by looking like some flighty jerk outweighed my overwhelming need to not prioritize things that I am not paid to do (because I am not being paid for this review, or compensated in any way, I really am doing it because their rocking concert in The Bloggess' bathroom turned me into a fan, and because I was assured that drawing songs wasn't a cop out) so here we go... BEFORE DEADLINE, BITCHES!

Watching the World End is Dr. Pants' new EP, scheduled for release on April 28, at which time you should totally go and buy the hell out of it. The EP is the third of a four-part series entitled THE TRIP.

The album is fun and funny, a mixture of funk and nerdy rock.  It consists of 6 songs, all of which I illustrated, and all of which are worth listening to. I know that doesn't sound like much of a recommendation, but as I advised, I suck at reviewing and when I say something is worth listening to, it means it is actually enjoyable and good.  Now on to my illustrations!

Robot Spiders 

This is by far my favorite song on the album because the story it tells is so much fun. Don't even take my word for it, listen for yourself!

Collections

This song has nothing to do with cats, I don't think, as it is an instrumental. I just wanted a reason to draw cat buttholes since all the cool bloggers feature cat buttholes and it makes them famous. Also, I like the idea of a living collection, because it is awful, just awful. Unless you collect cats, in which case, I don't mean to insult you, but really... there might be something wrong with you.

No Funkies

I am reminded of the hip coffee culture in my college town of Gainesville, FL listening to this song, for some reason.  It is entirely funky and so catchy I find myself singing it randomly. "We don't want no funkies in here."

Natalie

Very reminiscent of Weezer, this song is, and again, catchy. It also reminds me of the 80s, probably because it stirs up my first feelings of unrequited love when, in 6th grade, I was sitting and in my closet talking to Jorge Herrera on my cheeseburger phone and I said "Oh Jorge, I like you so much, I would do anything for you!" and he said "Oh really, well, could you tell Susan that I like her!" Susan was my best friend. I said "Ok..." and then hung up and cried for a while. This song would have made me feel better at the time. Especially if I had sung it while punching Jorge in the face.

Dog -> Hurricane

There are times when the melodies in this song remind me of Ween, and that is a good thing in my book. It waxes philosophic on the Butterfly Effect in true nerd style, starting at the title of the song that uses mathematical notation, and it makes me smile.  Especially when picturing a villainous dog. I know, these damned descriptions will do you no good unless you hear the songs.  That is the point. LISTEN TO THE SONGS... when they are available, of course. April 28th!

I Am Yours

This is a sweet and intimate upbeat love song and I am a jackass for illustrating it as I do with Spiderman and Harry Potter (complete with Triwizard Tournament Trophy), but it should not be news that I am a jackass.

So there you go. I appreciate being given the chance by Dr. Pants to share this music with you guys, and I hope that you will listen to the album when it comes out and you will enjoy it as much as I did. Also, I'd like a Robot Spider when available, guys. You know where to reach me for shipping details.

Skynet 1.0: Abuse of the RedBox

After watching my mother try to rape the Redbox Kiosk with the movies she was returning for me, because I have my nephew's cold and didn't want to get out of the car in subfreezing temperatures, I am fairly certain that this sort of thing  is the beginning of the Skynet Incident.
They didn't show it in the Terminator movies, but clearly, the repeated abuses of these machines are going to lead to a revolt where machines start attacking and murdering humans.

At the very least, RedBox should set up hidden cameras to record and broadcast, for our amusement, the various ways in which people are unable to figure out the operations of their machines.

I do have a magnetic personality!

I have a lot of problems with those fuzzy captchas that are quite popular on website these days. It is so difficult for me to read them, every time I encounter one, I become anxious and worried that I might actually be a spam robot without being aware.

Robot dog?

When my nephew grows up, he told me, he would like a dog that makes robots for him while he is at work so that he just has to check them and make sure that they are made right when he gets home.

Stirring the Pot

This is going to be an obscenity laden rant regarding something about which I am impassioned. In not so fancy terms, OMG PISSED!

So, I had an argument this morning, it was a petty silly thing but, seriously... I have very little money. It seems that most humor blarggers are in the same rickety boat.  So, the argument happened because I became enraged when it was suggested that my household needed a Robostir. If you are unfamiliar with the Robostir, it is a "robot" that you put in a pot, and it stirs it for you.

It stirs a fucking pot... for 17-24 dollars.

But, it is not even a robot.  It doesn't have any AI.  It doesn't like, use lasers to stir. It isn't connected to Skynet.  It is just a motor, with a whisk attached to it, on 3 stupid legs that you plunk into your soup pot.  If I'm promised a robot, I want an actual gawddamned robot.

I'm so em-effing tired of gadgets that do things that people don't need help doing.  The average person is perfectly able to crack an egg without a gadget, or cut brownies into suitable squares...(if you don't like them being slightly uneven, don't eat one, asshole!)... or OMG, A BUTTER PLUNGER!?!? TWENTY TWO DOLLARS TO MAKE A RIBBON OF BUTTER! ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME!?! Sorry, I was just looking for examples at a website where you can buy all these idiotic gadgets.

And don't get me started on the Topsy Turvy. "Tired of having to bend over to pick up tomatoes that have fallen off the plant?"  Why, does the thing come equipped with an anti-gravity force field that keeps the tomatoes from falling? Because it seems to me that if you hang the plant upside down 6 feet from the ground, the tomatoes would be MORE likely to fall (that pesky potential energy and all) and, instead of being happy and whole, they would die a miserable, squashy, death.

But don't get me wrong, I am not against gadgets all together. I had a Ronco Showtime Rotisserie that I absolutely loved (made the best sausage EVAR). I just hate things that assume I'm a blathering idiot who is incapable of gross motor skills.


So, no, I don't want a Robostir because you know what else stirs a pot really well?! Your hand and a wood spoon, and that's like, virtually free. If stirring a pot is such a bloody problem, call me-- I can do it for you for $2.15.

Plus Shipping & Handling

OCD Robot

I would never make it as a robot because I cannot stand my hands smelling like metal.

I'm Killroy!

There is a group on Facebook called something like, "When I was a kid, I used to talk into the fan to hear my robot voice." I spent a lot of time doing this as a child singing Mr. Roboto by Styx.


I wonder if robots will at some point use this trick to sound human when they begin their overthrow of the human race.

Of course, because I have written this, I fully expect to be targeted first in this sort of scheme.  I'll just make sure to listen for a lack of contractions when someone knocks on the door and asks to borrow a cup of sugar.