Making Crap Laws Work for You: Religious Freedom

So D. Trump just signed yet another executive order.

This one is "guaranteeing religious freedom" and allowing people to opt out of government rules based on "closely held religious beliefs." 

Of course, this is going to be used by some Americans to treat other Americans like dogshit, and that is completely unacceptable. The rule needs to be overturned, and hopefully, the 9th circuit gets on that soon, but in the meantime, how can we make this order work for us so we can benefit from the fuckery going on?

Guys, I came up with the perfect idea. I may be an atheist, but I was raised Jewish, so I have a pretty good grasp of the old testament... and I totally hold this passage in particular pretty close to my heart, what with the whole perpetually broke thing.

Deuteronomy 15:1-2

1 At the end of every seven years you shall grant a remission of debts. 2 This is the manner of remission: every creditor shall release what he has loaned to his neighbor; he shall not exact it of his neighbor and his brother, because the LORD'S remission has been proclaimed.

You know what that means?

Goodbye, federal student loan debt! After 7 years, you shouldn't have to pay that shit anymore.

According to Trump's order:

 "It shall be the policy of the executive branch to vigorously enforce Federal law’s robust protections for religious freedom. The Founders envisioned a Nation in which religious voices and views were integral to a vibrant public square, and in which religious people and institutions were free to practice their faith without fear of discrimination or retaliation by the Federal Government. For that reason, the United States Constitution enshrines and protects the fundamental right to religious liberty as Americans’ first freedom. Federal law protects the freedom of Americans and their organizations to exercise religion and participate fully in civic life without undue interference by the Federal Government. The executive branch will honor and enforce those protections."

I say we practice the hell out of the Judeo-Christian religion by demanding that the Federal Government forgive all loans after a period of 7 years. If people can keep other people from taking birth control, or can control what we can or can't do with our own bodies, surely we can demand to have our loans forgiven as GOD proclaims!

Clearly, I don't have a law degree. But if shit's gonna be unreasonable, I say we at least try find ways to make it work for us.

A Tale of IC

So, awhile ago, I wrote about my jerk faced bladder. After all kinds of horrific bladder-related tests, including the one where they put me under general anesthetic to fill up my bladder like a big festive balloon until it cracked, I was diagnosed with Interstitial Cystitis.

Interstitial Cystitis or IC, is basically punishment from Satan in the form of the feelings of a UTI (urinary tract infection) because your bladder lining is faulty, with none of the therapeutic possibilities of things like antibiotics or cranberry juice.  In fact, cranberry juice is one of the things that makes it worse.

When I first started feeling the effects of IC, I was guzzling cranberry juice like a person desperate not to have yet another UTI, which only made my bladder angrier and angrier.

And then, like a misunderstood teenager, it began to self-injure

Once I figured out that I probably had IC, two years before it was finally diagnosed, I immediately started an IC diet to try to appease the angsty beast that was living in my groin, and it worked pretty okay, though it was (and is) inconvenient.

Basically nothing with acid, sourness, caffeine or deliciousness.

But, I also found that certain medicines that I had been prescribed for other issues also tore the hell out of my bladder. At 4:45 on a Friday about a year ago, I found myself on the phone, pleading with my urologist's office to give me something to stop the bladder pain before I found a bridge to jump off during the weekend.

What I got worked well enough that I did not have to go out searching for appropriately tall bridges. It is a handy dandy pill that I dissolve under my tongue made from the root of the mandrake. Mandrake or mandragora, if you remember from Harry Potter, is a powerful restorative.  It is used to return people who have been transfigured or cursed, to their original state.

 Actually, wait, no, it is an antispasmodic drug that soothes the muscles, so, I guess it would work to unpetrify someone who had been petrified by a basilisk (spoilers, sorry), as well as someone who has ridiculous cramps in their bladder that makes them feel like they have to pee every 2 seconds.

I was also introduced to the "Bladder Cocktail" which is likely not as fancy as it sounds at all.

Basically, it is the most wonderful thing ever invented, surely sent from any god that might exist who doesn't like punishing people for having a bladder. It's a mixture of lidocaine and heparin that coats your bladder and numbs the crap out of your bladder wall.

Now, you are likely wondering, like I was when this was first described to me... so... you just pee on yourself? Somehow, this magical concoction from heaven doesn't affect your ability to feel a full bladder, it just stops all the pain associated with having pee in your bladder, which is part of the actual problem with Interstitial Cystitis.

Now, there is a drug to coat your bladder with magic that is on the market called Elmiron, and it works pretty nicely, but it does have side effects.  In my case, along with a bunch of other drugs, it beat the hell out of my liver and I ended up in the ER thinking I was dying of liver failure where I was advised to maybe stop taking pills that were killing my liver. It also beats up your stomach really badly because it is housed in a capsule made of pure evil, but switching it into a generic gelatin pill capsule is enough to combat that... but not if your liver isn't working.

So... I have a crappy bladder disease, and I am managing it with mandrake pills and emergency bladder cocktails when the disease flares beyond what I can control with diet, because I can't handle the pill that would make my life normal, which is part of why I decided to write this post; because right this very moment, my disease is flaring and my mandrake doesn't seem to be working so I called my doctor's office for my "you can come in any time, immediately, no problem, emergency bladder cocktail" and immediately, in this case, translates to "in 11 days." ELEVEN DAYS!!!!

So, I figured you should know what happened, just in case I can't find relief and need to find a suitably tall bridge before I can make it to next Thursday.

You look like a monkey and you smell like one too!

And to celebrate, here are some of my favorite things currently:

(video above)

And as much as I am amused by Gangnam Style, I love this video below even more, especially when you read the translation:

And a birthday wish from my best Harry Potter nerd friend. I once made her a chocolate cheesecake for her birthday, with the Hogwart's Coat of Arms on it, created with royal icing, and snitches made of Lindt truffles dusted in edible gold powder. This was nearly as enjoyable, though I had no idea she had an animagus.

Also, I received a new drawing tablet as a present, which I love the heck out of... mostly because it makes me draw better, and it is awesome and fancy.  

Here is a drawing of my friend's adorable pug, Ollie, that I did with it:

So yeah, happy birthday to me (as of 4:04 in the morning, October 2nd). Thank you for reading the silly things I post, and for commenting, and clicking reaction buttons for another year. <3

Dr. Pants- Watching the World End : A Review... kinda.

Approximately 2 weeks ago, some version of this conversation happened:

I also informed the awesome Dr. Pants that I am terrible at reviewing stuff and fail, often, at doing things on time, despite best intentions. However, my desire to not embarrass myself by looking like some flighty jerk outweighed my overwhelming need to not prioritize things that I am not paid to do (because I am not being paid for this review, or compensated in any way, I really am doing it because their rocking concert in The Bloggess' bathroom turned me into a fan, and because I was assured that drawing songs wasn't a cop out) so here we go... BEFORE DEADLINE, BITCHES!

Watching the World End is Dr. Pants' new EP, scheduled for release on April 28, at which time you should totally go and buy the hell out of it. The EP is the third of a four-part series entitled THE TRIP.

The album is fun and funny, a mixture of funk and nerdy rock.  It consists of 6 songs, all of which I illustrated, and all of which are worth listening to. I know that doesn't sound like much of a recommendation, but as I advised, I suck at reviewing and when I say something is worth listening to, it means it is actually enjoyable and good.  Now on to my illustrations!

Robot Spiders 

This is by far my favorite song on the album because the story it tells is so much fun. Don't even take my word for it, listen for yourself!

Collections

This song has nothing to do with cats, I don't think, as it is an instrumental. I just wanted a reason to draw cat buttholes since all the cool bloggers feature cat buttholes and it makes them famous. Also, I like the idea of a living collection, because it is awful, just awful. Unless you collect cats, in which case, I don't mean to insult you, but really... there might be something wrong with you.

No Funkies

I am reminded of the hip coffee culture in my college town of Gainesville, FL listening to this song, for some reason.  It is entirely funky and so catchy I find myself singing it randomly. "We don't want no funkies in here."

Natalie

Very reminiscent of Weezer, this song is, and again, catchy. It also reminds me of the 80s, probably because it stirs up my first feelings of unrequited love when, in 6th grade, I was sitting and in my closet talking to Jorge Herrera on my cheeseburger phone and I said "Oh Jorge, I like you so much, I would do anything for you!" and he said "Oh really, well, could you tell Susan that I like her!" Susan was my best friend. I said "Ok..." and then hung up and cried for a while. This song would have made me feel better at the time. Especially if I had sung it while punching Jorge in the face.

Dog -> Hurricane

There are times when the melodies in this song remind me of Ween, and that is a good thing in my book. It waxes philosophic on the Butterfly Effect in true nerd style, starting at the title of the song that uses mathematical notation, and it makes me smile.  Especially when picturing a villainous dog. I know, these damned descriptions will do you no good unless you hear the songs.  That is the point. LISTEN TO THE SONGS... when they are available, of course. April 28th!

I Am Yours

This is a sweet and intimate upbeat love song and I am a jackass for illustrating it as I do with Spiderman and Harry Potter (complete with Triwizard Tournament Trophy), but it should not be news that I am a jackass.

So there you go. I appreciate being given the chance by Dr. Pants to share this music with you guys, and I hope that you will listen to the album when it comes out and you will enjoy it as much as I did. Also, I'd like a Robot Spider when available, guys. You know where to reach me for shipping details.

Mischief Managed!

I made this to wear for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 2. I figured others might like their own.

Fluffy Shirt from Zazzle.com (my shop... clearly)
It is totally customizable, so you can make any color shirt, kid's shirts, etc.
AND there is a coupon code for the time being for 15% off:  STUDYINSTYLE

Yeah, it's been taken down... but I will find a home for it if there is any interest. Or if you have a screen printing company... *wink nudge*

Oh, and Allie Brosh liked my drawing of her and "Simple Dog" Fluffy and we had this exchange:

And if you would like to add me on Google+, be my guest!

How I learned to be happy thanks to Harry Potter.

Up until 2002, I suffered from a terminal case of "cool kids disease."  This is an affliction wherein you are WAY too cool to pay attention to anything that is popular to the masses.  In fact, instead of just ignoring these things, you actively hate on them and make obnoxious comments about how stupid everyone who likes anything popular is.  It is a terrible affliction that hundreds of thousands of teens and young adults still suffer from.

I, however, found my cure in cheapness.  See, I actively avoided Harry Potter, though many of my friends and acquaintances loved it, and so when "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" came on HBO, since I was PAYING for the dumb channel anyway, I recorded it to watch when there was nothing else on. And it was in that moment, when "Eh, it's on and I am paying for the channel so I might as well watch the stupid thing" beat out, "I'm WAY too cool to watch popular things," that I learned that sometimes, thing are popular, because they are freaking AWESOME!

And so I watched the movie, and then forced my husband to watch the movie, and then watched the movie a billion more times (every time it was on, East and West Coast). And as soon as it opened, I went to the library and checked out all the books and read them in rapid succession.

At that point, the series was only up to"Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" and "The Chamber of Secrets" was just coming out in the theaters, and so I joined in on the Harry Potter mania with full gusto.  The next year, I pre-ordered "Order of the Phoenix" from a local bookstore and spent an entire family vacation worrying about whether I would make it home in time to get my copy. I attended all the midnight premiers from "Prisoner of Azkaban" on. I read the supplemental books, and re-read all the books each time a new one came out. I read Mugglenet everyday, and drew fan art, and read theories, and immersed myself completely in fandom. And I was happy. I was no longer avoiding things to be cool and missing out on things that had the potential to bring me immense joy.

So now, when some popular book, or show, or movie comes along, instead of willfully ignoring it, I investigate. I want to know for myself if this could be my next Harry Potter, or at the very least, just a moment of happiness I would have otherwise missed out on by being too cool to like things.

Never Tickle A Sleeping Dragon.

Our Harry Potter series continues!

Today, in Hogwarts' Great Hall, Jen Yates of Cakewrecks  faces a Howler from an angry reader who is disgusted by her insensitivity when discussing Cauldron Cakes.  And she didn't even start on the CCCs (Cauldron Cake Cakes... ptooey!).

Go visit Cakewrecks, but go to the bathroom first. Trust me.  You don't want to have an accident.
And if you like nerdy and awesome things, including some awesome DIY projects, visit her other blog, Epbot!

I shouldn't have said that!

Well, hello there. I continue, today, with my Harry Potter series (as I said I would. . . I totally wasn't kidding).  This is Allie Brosh, in the style of Allie Brosh, but drawn by me, who is JRose and not Allie Brosh (and if you have been paying attention, you know what the J stands for... it is like a little puzzle, and it will be on the final exam) even though I do a good likeness of her style, I would say.

"Who is this Allie Brosh?" you say. 

"Who are YOU?" I say... "Oh, you are one of my wonderful readers? Then why am I being so rude to you?"  Oh, I remember, because I double mega heart Allie Brosh, who is the fantastic and incredibly humorous writer of Hyperbole and a Half.

Here she is today soothing a "simple dog" version of Fluffy.

Now, go read her blog, but remember to come back. I post more often. 

Accio Butterbeer!

Today, from the kitchens of Hogwarts, we have Hannah Hart of youtube's "My Drunk Kitchen" making Pumpkin Pasties, to continue our Harry Potter "Cool Kids I Wish Would Pay Attention To Me" series.  

And I know that butter beer is not alcoholic to wizards, but it has the word beer in it, and she does My Drunk Kitchen, and I could have done Firewhiskey, but I want this to be accessible to all Harry Potter fans, instead of just being a book snob, and they don't really go over the harder drinks in the movies, so just go with it. Plus, so much easier to draw recognizable beer. 

Don't know Hannah Hart?  Never watched her on youtube?  Here she is making tacos.  As always, not appropriate for kids and hilariously foul language! Enjoy!

And if she wanted to be my best friend now, that would be okay.

Expecto Patronum- Wiener Dog

Building up to the release of the FINAL HARRY POTTER MOVIE, (OMG WHAA!) I am doing a small series of some of my favorite internet people using various Harry Potter themes. I'm starting with Ray William Johnson of "Equals Three" on youtube with his patronus at Hogwarts because... because I have had this planned for a long time and his patronus was easiest for me to figure out.

If you have never watched =3, Ray reviews viral videos with humorous commentary. Here is one of my favorite ones.  Be warned, they are not appropriate for kids.  They are not politically correct (though this is one of the less offensive ones), but they do make me laugh.