This is the title, bitch!

I started watching Breaking Bad on Netflix, finally, during my birthday trip last week. I admit, I was being a wiener not wanting to watch it, because shows/movies about drugs annoy me, but when I heard that everyone was super stoked with the ending (which none of you will spoil for me, under threat of needle felting urethras), I figured I should stop being such a butthole and just watch it. After one episode, I was totally hooked... like a meth head.

So, I got home and my husband wants me to wait and watch the show with him. Or rewatch... since he has seen at least 3 seasons, perhaps more, which I have not, but there are two problems:

a.) He keeps spoiling shit seconds before it happens, as in, "Oh yeah, I remember, this is where the monkey takes all the meth.*"

b.) He also suffers from TV induced narcolepsy, so he keeps falling asleep 3/4 into each episode we watch and then I can't watch 10 in a row, and it is really frustrating.**

*As far as I know, there is no monkey using meth in the series, I just tried to make up something that doesn't seem like it will happen... if I have spoiled a meth monkey plot unwittingly, I am sorry.

** Perhaps we should get him some meth so I can watch as much as I'd like in a day (That was a joke, DEA, please don't come here, I make jokes for a living).

Brilliant Idea #2 - Night Light Channel

I have another brilliant idea.

As I have discussed previously, reading makes me tired.  And as I have also discussed previously, I sometimes suffer from insomnia.  So when watching a movie while insomniacked doesn't produce the desired result of putting me to sleep, I turn to reading an actual book.
The problem is, my husband DOESN'T suffer from insomnia, and while I can get away with watching TV while he is asleep, I cannot turn on a light to read as that has the effect of waking him up and making him look at me meanly which makes me sad, which makes me less likely to get to sleep.

As it is, I often end up reading by the combined light of my laptop screen and the ambient light of the television on mute, but I am regularly thwarted by darkening scenes and rapidly flickering light levels (For the record, Saturday Night Fever, terrible to read by, as is any horror movie, ever.  Cooking shows seem best as they don't have much reason to dim the lights). But here is wherein my idea blossoms.

I think that there should be a cable channel called "The Night Light Channel" and it should just be steady bright white light.  It could support itself by having ads for books or magazines on the bottom, but they would need meet a standard that would not change the luminance much.

And of course, it does not only have to be used as a reading light, but it could be used to look for your bra while trying to quietly escape a stranger's house after a one night stand, or to light a child's room so that they can be sure there are no zombies sneaking up on them, or to check your alarm clock when you wake up at 4 am and can't be sure if you set it to 7 am or 7 pm.

Perhaps this is something that Amazon.com should look into, to go along with their Kindle, since it isn't backlit.  That way, people can use their  awesome product with ease while giving them an extra place to advertise their OTHER products.

BOOYAH!  Why have I not been hired as a supreme idea-haver extraordinaire yet?

(Because you give away all your ideas on your blarg, my husband says...)

Nerd Love- Star Wars

I just watched Star Wars this morning and I was reminded of the following:

OMG, I LOVE R2D2!

Yup, that's it. 

And yes, I did fall asleep during it...

Movie-Induced Narcolepsy

I suffer from a terrible affliction. I've found no medical evidence of it, but I have coined it "Movie-Induced Narcolepsy."  This is a condition in which watching movies in the comfort of my own home (or that of close friends) puts me, almost immediately, to sleep. It has never happened in a movie theater, not around strangers, only when relaxing and watching a private showing of a feature-length film, no matter the time of day.

There are many theories floating around as to why this happens, however I think it boils down to this:  I usually use subtitles, because I have another medically invalid condition called "What the hell did he say?" which occurs when any background noise is of a similar volume level to that of the dialog, wherein I am able to hear what is said but my brain refuses to interpret it (and I fully expect medical people who read this to now tell me that I have terminal ear cancer or a nerve deafness brought on by something that is equally terminal).

This triggers yet another issue, known as "Reading makes me tired," wherein reading... makes me tired. Yes, I know, I clearly am going to die.  But as a result of my afflictions, it took me a day and a half to finish watching Indian Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark last summer because I fell asleep every 25 minutes, and I really wanted to watch it, because all I could remember of it from when I was four years old, was being in the theater with my sister and having her cover my eyes towards the end so my face wouldn't melt on the advice of our cousin who had already seen it, but had somehow managed to escape face melting, to tell her that shielding was necessary. And of course, the part with the ball was mildly familiar from the spoof of it in UHF...

This post is not meant to poke fun at or belittle actual sufferers of Narcolepsy (or ear cancer, or terminal nerve deafness). Seriously. Don't yell at me.