Pintester Movement: That's Not A Moon!

It is also not a dented flamboyant golf ball though it looks like one of those, too.

So, I am back, thanks to Sonja Foust's Pintester Movement again. She really does a good job of getting me to post once a month. This time, we're all making ornaments (serious, go look at all the awesome ornaments in the links!), and I wanted to try out this awesome Star Wars Disco Death Star that I found on Pinterest.

This picture is not mine. This is what it should look like. This is awesome. 

It should be noted that there are no square sequins in all of Montana... in fact, there are hardly any sequins at all. I guess when you live in a place where eagles pick up baby deer and fling them at power lines, sequining shit is not a priority. After checking every other store in town, I finally found round silver sequins and since we are pintesting here, I figured, 'fuck it, that will do.'

Also, I don't know if this phenomenon is widespread but it seems that Montana thinks that Styrofoam is made out of unicorn spleens, because they are seriously pricey here. This tutorial was all, "under 5 dollars" and I was all, "bullshit!" So my ball is much smaller than their ball because I am cheap, and I wasn't paying over 6 dollars for a stupid ball, though I suppose it will never decompose, so maybe I'm supposed to be paying for longevity.

Anyway, once I started the project, it was pretty easy. Took me about 2 hours to finish it while not really paying attention to a football game on TV. I was kinda of tired of being covered in glue by the end of it, and of repositioning sequins that my giant clumsy fingers knocked out of place.

It doesn't look like the Death Star really because round sequins are built to reflect light everywhere, so it just looks like a gaudy silver ball really, but I am sure that if I tell everyone what it is when I put it in my tree, they will be able to see it... if they squint.

And, I don't really like sucking at things so I made another ornament to show that I really am good at things when I am given the correct supplies. This one is from the following tutorial I found on Pinterest, which I used as an inspiration, again, because I couldn't find exactly what it called for and these bitchin' hollow glass globes were on sale at our fancy craft store.

Here are their versions:

source

And here is mine:

TOO SOON!

I needle felted the landscape from polyfill fiber and various colored wool, and the T-Rex came from our local animal feed/farming store. I have no idea why they have tiny dinosaurs in the farm store, but I am glad they do, because, while it is insensitive to dinosaurs, apocalyptic dino deaths are one of my favorite art subjects. Should I find the appropriate medium before Christmas, I may even glaze the back of this with reds and orange to really drive home the "imminent death" thing.

As a reminder, if you are sending Cheeseblarg's tree an ornament (and thank you to those who already have, they are all AWESOME), they should be to me by the 21st (if it is a day or two late, I'll cope, but I do need time to get them photographed and coded). I can't wait to see all the ones that are on their way! You guys are super awesome!

And while I am showing off my needle felting, though it has absolutely nothing to do with the Pintester Movement, this is still my blarg, and I can show off why I haven't been entertaining y'all as frequently. Part of it is getting Hanukkah presents ready for you guys (Starting Thanksgiving night, there will be daily posts coming for eight whole days), but mostly, I have been stabbing things and making money doing so to replace my husband's lost unemployment.

If you are interested in buying a felt from me, I have the white and black Dalek on Etsy (the rest have been sold), and I am happy to make almost any felt sculpture that someone is willing to pay for (unless it is a human baby) as long as you are willing to wait a week or so for it to be done. Remember, these are not sewn pieces, they are all stabbed and are solid (but soft). They are art pieces, and not really suitable for playing with, because tugging can pull the wool out of place. If you're interested, I can only manage about 10 of them before it becomes too late for gifting for Christmas, so feel free to contact me at cheeseblarg at live dot com so I can get a piece done for you. Fair warning, I am working at 15 bucks an hour on these, and most take me several hours to do, but as you can see, they are pretty damned awesome.

Valentine's Cards: Set Two- From Your Unromantic Boyfriend

My next set of Valentines are what you would get if your boyfriend/husband could really get you the card he wanted to... that was based on an action movie. Or the ones that I would get you, because I like classic action movies, despite having a vagina.

And again, some available in my Zazzle shop if they haven't been taken down.

You are awarded THREE random facts about me!

Accepting a lovely award from Gweenbrick- the "I dig your blog" award:

Which apparently we are illustrating in a Halloween theme because I can't thing "digging" without grave robbing.... and who puts dead bodies in graves without coffins? Nazi, and me, apparently.

And of course, three random fact about me.

I'm supposed to choose other people but I am not going to.  So there. It's not that I don't dig any blogs... it is that I can't be arsed to figure out who to pick who hasn't already been picked. But hey, go look at my blog roll and see who I read. I like them all or I wouldn't be reading them.

Why we laugh- with kittens.

It bothers me, as a humor writer and funny person, that people, for the most part, seem to have absolutely no clue why we, as humans, laugh.

People will often say "HE WAS LAUGHING AT IT, HE OBVIOUSLY THINKS IT ISN'T SERIOUS OR IMPORTANT," which is often the case in jokes about rape or cancer.  And to that I think... you're dumb. People don't laugh at things that they like or advocate, ever... or mostly ever.  People laugh because they are taken by surprise and/or made uncomfortable. That is why knock knock jokes are almost entirely unfunny. We laugh at things that break a regular pattern that we are used to, which is why what is funny to me may not be funny to you. This is also probably why people unsubscribe from me every time I make a new post, but that is besides the point.

In order for something to be funny, it has to be unexpected... and generally negative/dangerous/scary/wrong.

For example:

A fuzzy gray kitten.

Not funny at all. 

A kitten that looks like Hitler. 

Fairly funny.  

Jedi Kittens

... hilarious.

Happy Star Wars Day!

I am old enough that I actually saw some of the original Star Wars movies in the theater, first run.  I remember standing in line outside the theater in San Diego, California, in 1980 waiting to see "The Empire Strikes Back." My little nerd heart was overjoyed at the wintry landscape of Hoth, and the AT-ATs and the "Pew! Pew!"

I even learned my first lesson that some people are total jackasses and don't understand the concept of spoilers, thanks to Star Wars.  

Sometime, around June of 1983, my family was somewhere, I remember it as Las Vegas, that had a pool with a bar next to it. My parents were somewhere else, though, again, kinda fuzzy, maybe it was all the drinking I was doing at the bar (which is a joke, because I was 6 at the time). 

My sister and I sat at the bar by the pool in our adorable matching sun dresses (my grandma was big on buying us matching clothes, perhaps she though we were twins, though there was a three year difference in our ages),  and while the cute bartender girl made us Shirley Temples (I was a sucker for Shirley Temples, still am, actually. I'll drink almost anything that is pink and sparkly that I am reasonably sure won't kill me), she made small talk.

"Do you like Star Wars?" she asked, and we enthusiastically said we did.

"Have you seen Return of the Jedi yet?" No, not yet!

"Who's your favorite Star Wars character?" and we told her, and then she heartlessly said, "Oh, it's so terrible that he DIES IN THIS MOVIE!"

At which, I might have started crying while being all "WTF LADY! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!? I'M A CHILD! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!!??" in my sweet little child head. And then I was ruined, forever, to the joy of not understanding what a spoiler was... So, former poolside bartender, I hope making a small child cry through your stupid thoughtless actions still haunts you to this day, because I was really cute and you made me really sad, enough that 28 years later, I still want to punch you in the boob every time I think of Star Wars.

And here is a Jedi Narwal to make it all better.

Nerd Love- Star Wars

I just watched Star Wars this morning and I was reminded of the following:

OMG, I LOVE R2D2!

Yup, that's it. 

And yes, I did fall asleep during it...