Brilliant Product Idea #4: The Only Riding Lawn Mower That Makes Sense

I was driving past a golf course the other day, after my husband had been bragging about our lawn (that he had just mowed) being the nicest lawn in town. He's probably not wrong. He is Mr. Green Thumbs. I kill plants by thinking of them. That is beside the point. I was imagining my adorable redheaded husband woefully being engulfed in flames if it were his job to mow an entire golf course... and then someone drove by in a golf cart and I thought, why in the hell don't riding mowers have roofs!?



They need roofs. And air conditioning. It is not like lawn mowing is a night activity, or done when the sun isn't trying to give us all skin cancer by mutating all of our cells with its evil evil brightness. How come no one has jumped on this yet?

Wait, someone has... and it costs over 100,000 dollars!!

 source

This is patently ridiculous. A car with air conditioning costs less than $20k and a riding lawnmower costs less than $2000. Surely, we can put these together for less than 100,000 dollars. It really shouldn't be that hard.

By Tuesday, I will no longer be a liar.

I've been lying to you all.  I've shamelessly misrepresented myself.
Last week, there was a mix-up and I missed an appointment to get my bangs trimmed (that is my fringe for OG English speakers).  I've needed a bang trim since before I went to NYC in fact, and instead of drawing myself as I actually look, I have continued to draw myself with cute short bangs. I'm sorry.  But there is a reason.

Now, I am cute.  I have no doubt about it, but when my  bangs get to a certain length, it causes some sort of illusion wherein I look like a frumpy cross dressing cave man.

Perhaps it is the hair in my eyes that causes this visual disturbance, but it can only be combated by wearing more makeup than I usually have the patience to wear, and since I don't draw any realistic features on my cartoon representation, it is easier to just create the same effect by making my bangs the right length.

Believe me, I did it for you... and also for me... because I'm vain and don't want to be hassled by scientists thinking they've found a missing link.

OH, and my Coco Llama,  the actual piece that was in the museum in NYC is now for sale on eBay.  Share it with everyone you know. I still need to pay for that trip!

CLICKY to go to EBAY

Brilliant Idea #2 - Night Light Channel

I have another brilliant idea.

As I have discussed previously, reading makes me tired.  And as I have also discussed previously, I sometimes suffer from insomnia.  So when watching a movie while insomniacked doesn't produce the desired result of putting me to sleep, I turn to reading an actual book.
The problem is, my husband DOESN'T suffer from insomnia, and while I can get away with watching TV while he is asleep, I cannot turn on a light to read as that has the effect of waking him up and making him look at me meanly which makes me sad, which makes me less likely to get to sleep.

As it is, I often end up reading by the combined light of my laptop screen and the ambient light of the television on mute, but I am regularly thwarted by darkening scenes and rapidly flickering light levels (For the record, Saturday Night Fever, terrible to read by, as is any horror movie, ever.  Cooking shows seem best as they don't have much reason to dim the lights). But here is wherein my idea blossoms.

I think that there should be a cable channel called "The Night Light Channel" and it should just be steady bright white light.  It could support itself by having ads for books or magazines on the bottom, but they would need meet a standard that would not change the luminance much.

And of course, it does not only have to be used as a reading light, but it could be used to look for your bra while trying to quietly escape a stranger's house after a one night stand, or to light a child's room so that they can be sure there are no zombies sneaking up on them, or to check your alarm clock when you wake up at 4 am and can't be sure if you set it to 7 am or 7 pm.

Perhaps this is something that Amazon.com should look into, to go along with their Kindle, since it isn't backlit.  That way, people can use their  awesome product with ease while giving them an extra place to advertise their OTHER products.

BOOYAH!  Why have I not been hired as a supreme idea-haver extraordinaire yet?

(Because you give away all your ideas on your blarg, my husband says...)

Thank you, Jimmy.

I have been on an epic quest for the past week or two.  I was minding my own business, reading other people's posts on Facebook, and there it was, the object of my desire, that which I need more than anything else in this world... my "precious" if you will.

Ben & Jerry's Late Night Snack Inspired by Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Yes, it is an ice cream, but not just any ice cream.  It has FUDGE COVERED POTATO CHIP CLUSTERS in it! AND a salty caramel swirl!!!!

Yes, this may sound grody to some of you... I don't want to hear it! I need this ice cream, I need it!

And today, I went to get it because I actually told two local grocery stores that I needed it more than anything else in this world (after checking every store in town twice in a week) and one of them called two days ago and said "It will be in the system on Friday." So I ventured out and sludged through a giant mud pit that is my parking area, covering myself and the interior of my car with mud, only to get there and find, OMG, no precious!

So in my regular fashion, I then resorted to grumbling quietly to myself about how it was ridiculous of said store to call and tease me with useless information when there was NO "LATE NIGHT SNACK" ICE CREAM ON THE SHELVES!!! I don't think they understand how important this is to my continued existence.

I don't want the ice cream in the system, store, I want the ice cream IN MY BELLEH! I WANT THE ICE CREAM IN MY BELLEH!!!

As long as it is not part of a shower caddy.

I need a source on waterproof paper and writing implements, or even better, a waterproof digital device of recording that I can wall mount/wear/have implanted into me, because I regularly come up with great ideas for posts in the shower and by the time I dry off, at which point I could make a note or start working on them, I have lost the idea completely.