FUTURE GIRL

I have been waiting for this day for the past 26 years, since I saw Back to the Future II in the theater with my grandma, opening weekend. Congratulations to us all, for making it to the future!

Back to Technology of the Future: Get Kickstarted!

I missed my projected deadline of October 21st for this post, by quite a bit, but there were reasons. So, let's all just get in our time travel device of choice and "pretend" that today is October 21, 2012.*

OCT. 21 2012

Oh, hello there. What a fortuitous day to make a post!

According to the documentary "Back to the Future II," in 3 short years, (or perhaps sooner) we will have hovercraft capabilities. While vehicle use is the most widely publicized utilization for hover technology (see figures 1 and 2), I am at this moment campaigning for another use that will be of much greater benefit to society: Hover Furniture.

fig. 1 (source  slashgear)

fig. 2 (source fanboy)

I came up with this idea for hover furniture after stubbing the holy bejesus out of three of my toes on a piece of furniture that I walk by on a daily basis.

With hover furniture, each piece could be plugged into the wall, or wired in to a home's electrical system, and thanks to stabilization algorithms, would happily hum, a foot off the ground assuring that you never stubbed your toes, ever again. I know what you're thinking, "WHAT ABOUT MY SHINS!?" Have no worry, floating furniture comes with the extra feature of "nudge orientation" which allows the furnishings to move slightly to lessen the impact when hit, after which, it reorientates itself smoothly back to its original position, which is marked on the floor with nearly undetectable bearing pins. This nudge orientation will not effect the object when a part of it is pulled out, or a door opened, but only when approached from non-functional angles, so you don't have to worry about those knick-knacks on the top of your bureau jostling around every time you open a drawer to get out a pair of socks.

But what about my hover bed? I am afraid I might get seasick if things get amorous!

Objects that are made to take human weight are all designed with a button that allows for complete stabilization while occupied. Of course, it can be disengaged and you can lull yourself to sleep on gentle waves, or turn your favorite chair into a rocker. And the quiet hum of the bed is GREAT for insomnia.

Hover Furniture. It is your future, just three years away.

* Does time traveling get you down? Never know what to wear or how many pairs of underwear to pack? Well, we have a solution for that too!







And THIS is why this post wasn't ready on time.  I have started a Kickstarter to actually manufacture these underwear sets. Check it out HERE [link redacted] and share it with everyone you know who loves Dr. Who and/or Back to the Future. If the project gets fully funded, I will be giving away two sets of undies here to two lucky readers as a way to celebrate!


 Early entries are available by sharing a link to my kickstart project on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, or on your blog, and sending me a link to where you shared it, here or on Cheeseblarg's message function on facebook (early entries will be meticulously record, because that's what I do). No spamming though, please! Only 4 early entries possible.

Now Make Like a Tree and Get Out of Here.

I don't know what kind of internet shitbowl thinks it is awesome to try to trick people into thinking that TODAY is the day that Marty McFly time traveled into the future.

I've covered this before in my ranty Back to the Future post entitled "Great Scott" but I'll say it again:

Marty McFly visited October 21, 2015.

I told someone that today when he claimed that today, my 13th wedding anniversary is the day "Marty Went To." In response to my correction, he linked me to this:

• First of all, that is a picture of Marty McFly in 1955.
• Second of all, YOU'RE A STUPID ASSHOLE. I just TOLD YOU what day Marty McFly went to. I even doubled checked by going to a Back to the Future Wiki because you shouldn't correct people when you are not right. 
• Lastly, you need to have your internets taken away permanently, because you don't know how they work.

The point is, I could likely make that time circuit readout read "YOUR MOM" and it wouldn't mean that Marty McFly traveled to your mom. It means that people on the internet are shit strainers and like to trick people into making me angry.

This image is photoshopped. Marty McFly never went to your mom.

Rush's Bain Conspiracy Goes Deeper!

It was reported that Rush Limbaugh made the claim that the character Bane (who was featured in the 1993 DC Batman Comics) was created to be the villain in "The Dark Knight Rises" to conjure thoughts of Bain Capital, which was designed to undermine Mitt Romney's presidential bid.

This unearthed woodcut comic from the 1500s shows that it goes way deeper than that.

Introducing SST!

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Narwhal Dress-Up!

My friend asked me to tell her how to make a dress-up game for her blog this afternoon, and in order to do that, I had to walk myself through the process again, so, OMG! You guys get another dress-up game from me.  Remember, you can share your creations by pressing the print screen (or prt sc) key on your keyboard and then pasting into a paint program. Just upload them to the Facebook Fan Page (or you own host) to share them with me and the other Cheeseblargians (that is what you are called, by the way... now you know, and knowing is have the battle! GO JOE!).

Have fun!

Don't get fired!

ETA: In case you're confused, you can drag and drop the different clothes and accessories onto the narwhal.
AND If you can't get enough weird animal dress-up, there is the Llama Dress-Up over here! 

I'd never avoid Bill Haverchuck!

If we could just switch over to thumb scanning payments, like in Back to the Future 2, I think that might improve my credit score. It seems it is just the time it takes to mentally process that I am about to spend actual money for something that keeps me from doing it.  See, I have really bad credit... I don't even know the number, but I know it is bad.  I don't have any credit cards anymore because a) they won't give them to me, and b) I don't want them because I can't use them properly.

I didn't mean to not pay my bills in the past, it's just... I don't like taking money out of my bank account. A lot of the time when I wasn't paying my bills at first, I actually HAD the money. It was right there, in my bank, where it looked so nice and made me feel grown up and responsible... and taking it out made me feel sad, so I just left the money in my bank, until people were threatening mean things, like turning off my utilities. Of course, paying bills also equaled not having any money in the bank, at all, afterward... if I had known that there would had been any extra left over, it might have been less painful.

The creation of automatic bill pay made my life easier. If I don't have "control" of  money coming out of my account, it's bearable, but actually writing checks for things feels like giant stabbing spears of sadness and anxiety to me.

This is all compounded by the fact that my go to defense mechanism is avoidance, so since bills make me feel bad I avoid bills.  Thankfully, now, I have arranged my life so I only have about 2 bills that I actually have to actively pay, which is just about the amount of bill paying stress I can take.

                                       Before                                                                 After 

Hey you, get your damned hands off her!

I was talking to one of my closest friends last night and she was of the opinion that my blarg is entirely too wholesome when compared to the average wholesomeness of me.  A variation of the following conversation was had:

Only she didn't call me George, because my name clearly isn't George, and I don't believe she loves Back to the Future as much as I do (I probably would have called her George if the conversation had been reversed, even though her name isn't George, either, but I'm big on quoting BTTF, apparently). 

Anyway, I think you all can handle it. Especially if you've been following my filthy mouth on twitter. 

Smoke-butt get away from that fire!

When my computer broke, I got a lot of twitter spam about getting a free computer (if I just "filled out some survey") when I complained about the death of my hard drive. I got one the other night, when tweeting about my husband getting me dinner, offering advice on how to deal with men.  Once, I mentioned my best friend from college who died tragically and how she had come to my wedding, and was sent spam for wedding favors (I assure you, they got 140 angry characters back).

And so I have (almost) learned that you cannot mention certain things on twitter without expecting messages from obnoxious spambots:
Smoke, at all... kitchen on fire? Got a new gray cat? Like LOST?
Diets... Anti-diet? Gluten-Free diet? Diet Pepsi?
Harry Potter. No, really. Learned that last night.

Of course, there are lots of bots on twitter that redeem the whole random tweets from stranger-bots thing, like Sue Ellen Crandell who responded when I said "I'm right on top of that, Rose." Or how when you mentioned roads, the (now suspended) Doc Brown bot responded "Roads? Where we're going, we don't need roads!" Totally makes spammy tweets like " Watch the new Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows movie for FREE!!! JUST CLICK THIS SKETCHY LINK!!!!" bearable.

GREAT SCOTT!

The Back to the Future series is one of my favorite movie series EVER, with Back to the Future II being my favorite.  I just love all things futuristic, especially big budget 80's futuristic.

 I've watched the 3 movies hundreds of times. I put them on when I am particularly stressed or sad.  It allows me to sleep when I experience insomnia, but I have a major gripe, A MAJOR gripe, that needs to be addressed!

This is the McFly house. 

There is something conspicuously MISSING from this house.

Let me give you a hint-- The story starts October 25, 1985.



WHERE THE HELL ARE THE HALLOWEEN DECORATIONS!?

I mean, fine, maybe the McFly's are Jehovah's Witnesses and they don't celebrate Halloween, though with that drinking that Lorraine is doing and celebrating Uncle Joey's release from prison with a cake, I would imagine not... perhaps another religious sect? Or perhaps they are just lazy? But REALLY, is EVERYONE IS HILL VALLEY RELIGIOUS OR LAZY!? Because there is not a lick of Halloween decorations ANYWHERE! Not a single pumpkin or ghost or ANYTHING to indicate that Halloween is 5-6 days away.

Obviously, it has nothing to do with the plot, but then why set it THAT close to a holiday that is known for decorations?
Again, in 2015 when they arrive 10 days from Halloween, nothing!

Here, this makes me feel better.

 Like I've always told you, you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything!