I'm A Meat Popsicle.

I prefer to shower at night, or in the afternoon. That way I can put off sitting around with my head damp and freezing for as long as possible. During the winter, in this little house we've moved into, I have found that showering at night is a problem. The fan in our bathroom that's activated by our light switch is a conduit directly to outside, so turning the switch on means I am pumping fast moving sub-arctic air into a room where a fine mist of water is supposed to be warming me up (and cleaning me, yadda yadda). So until I get fed up and buy a lamp for the bathroom, my solution currently is just showering in the dark. My husband thought I did this because I'm a goth or something. I really have no idea what he thinks I'm doing half the time because he never asks, really, he just dutifully turns off the light for me and goes away, probably wondering why the hell he married such a weirdo.

And, in other news, the brand new computer I bought... it died... two weeks after getting it. The hard drive has been replaced after much complaining and flailing. They kindly sent out an awesome nerd tech named Nic who talked to me about fun nerd topics while we waited for it to actually install.

And I am working hard on a new novel, writing at least an hour every day. It deals with current affairs and is an R rated vigilante thriller. Becoming a patron on patreon with the button below can get you access to excerpts weekly with a pledge of just 3 dollars a post (with no more than 4 posts a month- so a minimum of 12 bucks a month maximum! Wait, that was confusing. it could be 3-12 bucks for access to good stuff). There are also art bonuses for higher levels of patronage.

Cheeseblarg's Slutty Halloween Extravaganza

We all know that "sexy" Halloween costumes have totally gotten out of hand. There are tons of humor sites out there enumerating all of the ridiculous designs.  This humor site is not content to just sit back and observe the insanity. Instead, I am jumping in myself, with both feet.  I offer you, Cheeseblarg's Slutty Halloween Extravaganza.

Congress

So good news, I'm NORMAL! (says the doctor I saw today) Only not really, at all. I just was so awesome before that my normal is like slug for other people and until I get money to see someone else or become a total invalid, I can suck it.

Actually, they say I am depressed, and I think if they say that just a few more times, I may actually become depressed (which might be their goal), or I might start lighting things on fire randomly while shouting gibberish and eating good and plentys, which should tell you how much I dislike being told that I am depressed when I am not motherfucking depressed.

Now stressed? I am stressed. I wish they would give me a prescription to deal with said overwhelming stress as it would entail a large never-depleting bank account, a personal masseuse, a bacon butler ™, and lots of ME time.

The Bloggess Paper Dolls

So I was taking a shower, thinking like I do while in the shower when I run out of choruses from songs I don't really know. I had just been tooling around on Twitter and there was a stream of tweets from The Bloggess about "The Traveling Red Dress," at which time I went and looked at pictures of Jenny in the Traveling Red Dress and shortly after, my shower thoughts went to how I adore the many dress up pictures of The Bloggess. I wasn't looking at twitter in the shower, in case that was unclear. Though, my weasels, I would love to own a waterproof electronic internet-ready device so that I could interface with Skynet at all times... but I digress.
I thought, you know what would be awesome... uh, Bloggess Paper Dolls. Because, I mega heart paper dolls (as we should know from my many dress up games) and I really wanted to draw Wolf Blitzer as a paper doll outfit. And while I usually would make a flash game, I thought it would bring people more joy to do it old school with the added happy of getting to color the outfits. Coloring + Paper Dolls is almost as good as bacon and frosting (but not together... bacon and then a while later, frosting).

So I (we, because she did the kick ass border), give you:

Seriously, click to embiggen, print it out, color all the outfits, cut them out, take pictures of them being played with. Share them with the both of us. Make Copernicus choke the hell out of her (not because we don't like her, but well... read the post and you will understand I mean her no ill will).

If you can afford it, please go buy an official version from her store.  All profits go to charity, and charity is awesome!

And secret fact:  My earlier draft had a "Beyonce the Metal Chicken" costume for The Bloggess to wear, but it was too clunky and she just looked like she worked at El Pollo Tropical, so I switched to a stalking Beyonce instead.

Also, some of the tabs are completely useless and are there to amuse me. Just fold them out of the way.

I also cannot be sure I washed my hair while I was taking that shower because I was really lost in thought. I think I did, but what does it really matter.


--Edited to add--

Want your own paper doll? 

For the first 10 people, I will draw your figure (colored) and two fashion pieces and two accessories (not colored) like The Bloggess Paper Dolls  for $30.  After that it would be $45 for the same. If you want something different (or more) let me know by emailing me cheeseblarg at live dot com, and I will figure out a reasonable fee. I'll just need photos of the figure you want drawn and clothing/accessory idea photos. Half payment is due upfront to hold your place. Doll shall be delivered by email within 2 weeks (and often way sooner).

Nominate J Rose for a social media award in the Shorty Awards

Happy Talk Like A Pirate Day, Ya Salty Curs!

Arr!

There be play sets ahead! 

Modeled here by Sarah's mug, from A Blogful of Boredom