Stabby!

You guys! I've found THE perfect craft for me!

If you've been paying attention thus far, you might have noted that my two go-to emotional responses to negative things are stabbing or setting on fire. Some people are face-punchers, some people are poop-flingers, I am a stabber, and/or fire-starter.

Not that I have actually ever stabbed or set anything on fire (that wasn't supposed to be on fire)... but when I am JROSE SMASH angry, the first thing that comes to my mind is stabbing and/or igniting things into a fiery blaze.

So yesterday, seeing as I am on my yearly birthday trip to a city that is actually near things (things being places that everyone else in the non-rural country has access to regularly), I went to Michael's craft explosion store, and I bought a Needle Felting Kit.

Some of you know what needle felting is (because you are awesome, and presumably a crafter), but for those who don't know, it is a craft wherein you take gobs of wool and then stab them repeatedly with a really sharp barbed needle until said wool turns into a thick felt lump of whatever it is you are trying to make.

See artist's rendering below:

I was making a penguin, because it is going towards the Ornament-o-Rama project, and because penguins are pretty freaking awesome and cute. I should probably get some sort of protection when felting to avoid looking like my fingers are heroin addicts, but I am totally enamored with this new kind of art! Now I just need to find a craft where I set things on fire and yell at them!





And here is Sir Wooly Waddlesworth the 3rd, my new penguin friend (as named by my friend Kimberly C.), with an important announcement about the Cheeseblarg Takes Paris contest:

So Naomi, send me an email with your address and I will send a package out to you in the next couple weeks!

On the internet, no one knows you're JRose!

I shared this gif with my friend Tracey last night,

and the following ensued.

Yes. We chat on old IBM mainframe computers.

It's Thanksgiving!

So I have heard many people complaining that Christmas music starts playing everywhere immediately after Halloween and that this is, apparently, a problem.

I shit you not, I almost cried in a grocery story today after hearing a little kid caroling everyone as her mother pushed her along.  Actually, maybe it was her aunt, because mom's get embarrassed easier than aunts and try to shut things like that down.

Anyway, I digress, I know a lot of people who are Grinchier than I am, and I'm a Jew, so maybe the novelty just hasn't worn off for me yet, but yeah, apparently Christmas songs in November is incredibly stressing to some of you guys.

I figured out why this is. Not why it bothers people, but why it starts right after Halloween. There is NO popular Thanksgiving music. I was telling Dr. Pants this the other day, suggesting that they crank out some awesome turkey tunes, but someone else beat them to it.

Remember everyone's favorite FUN FUN FUN FUN song.
The maker of "Friday" (the song, not the movie), has a new song for Thanksgiving... because no one else did it first. And to that, I say SHAME ON YOU, musicians, shame on all of you...

And also, I want someone to bring ribs to my house for Thanksgiving now.

there's a video here, RSS feeders

It is somehow LEAGUES worse than "Friday" and it prompted me to write my own Thanksgiving song, which I think is only 45% as annoying and way more endearing. It is also titled "It's Thanksgiving!"

there is also a video here... come to the site to watch it!

The Bloggess Paper Dolls

So I was taking a shower, thinking like I do while in the shower when I run out of choruses from songs I don't really know. I had just been tooling around on Twitter and there was a stream of tweets from The Bloggess about "The Traveling Red Dress," at which time I went and looked at pictures of Jenny in the Traveling Red Dress and shortly after, my shower thoughts went to how I adore the many dress up pictures of The Bloggess. I wasn't looking at twitter in the shower, in case that was unclear. Though, my weasels, I would love to own a waterproof electronic internet-ready device so that I could interface with Skynet at all times... but I digress.
I thought, you know what would be awesome... uh, Bloggess Paper Dolls. Because, I mega heart paper dolls (as we should know from my many dress up games) and I really wanted to draw Wolf Blitzer as a paper doll outfit. And while I usually would make a flash game, I thought it would bring people more joy to do it old school with the added happy of getting to color the outfits. Coloring + Paper Dolls is almost as good as bacon and frosting (but not together... bacon and then a while later, frosting).

So I (we, because she did the kick ass border), give you:

Seriously, click to embiggen, print it out, color all the outfits, cut them out, take pictures of them being played with. Share them with the both of us. Make Copernicus choke the hell out of her (not because we don't like her, but well... read the post and you will understand I mean her no ill will).

If you can afford it, please go buy an official version from her store.  All profits go to charity, and charity is awesome!

And secret fact:  My earlier draft had a "Beyonce the Metal Chicken" costume for The Bloggess to wear, but it was too clunky and she just looked like she worked at El Pollo Tropical, so I switched to a stalking Beyonce instead.

Also, some of the tabs are completely useless and are there to amuse me. Just fold them out of the way.

I also cannot be sure I washed my hair while I was taking that shower because I was really lost in thought. I think I did, but what does it really matter.


--Edited to add--

Want your own paper doll? 

For the first 10 people, I will draw your figure (colored) and two fashion pieces and two accessories (not colored) like The Bloggess Paper Dolls  for $30.  After that it would be $45 for the same. If you want something different (or more) let me know by emailing me cheeseblarg at live dot com, and I will figure out a reasonable fee. I'll just need photos of the figure you want drawn and clothing/accessory idea photos. Half payment is due upfront to hold your place. Doll shall be delivered by email within 2 weeks (and often way sooner).

Nominate J Rose for a social media award in the Shorty Awards

Cheeseblarg Takes Manhattan- Narwhal of Liberty

I've finished another from the Cheeseblarg Takes Manhattan series just last night and started on the last planned piece. Here it is. And remember, Cheeseblarg Merchandise makes great Holiday Gifts!

Narwhal of Liberty by cheeseblarg
Posters for sale on Zazzle

Macy's Day Parade Postcards for sale on Etsy
or get one for a bit less, perhaps on ebay.
I have two being auctioned.
(click here to see them)

As a bonus, there is a piece for sale in my Etsy store (that is fairly NSFW) from the time my work was on Regretsy.

The Conan Commentary

The commentary for Coco Llama is finally up.  You can go listen by clicking the link below.
And can I tell you how exciting it is to hear Conan O'Brien say my name?

Very.  It is very exciting.



Now, go here and listen:  NYC Coco MoCA Audio Commentary on "Coco Llama"

(not entirely child-friendly... unless you want to have a discussion with your kids about inter-species erotica)

October Sticker Spooktacular!

Two LIMITED EDITION stickers this month, because Halloween is my favorite (other than my birthday, which is TOMORROW)!

Handmade, sent by standard post, 31 of each is available until Oct. 31st, at which point they will be gone, gone, gonesky.

RSS viewers, stickers and art are available for purchase on the actual blarg page.

No longer for sale, sorry!

No longer for sale, sorry!

Each sticker is approximately 4"x3".  Hand cut.  Please remember to choose a payment option before clicking "buy me!"- International buyers, please choose international shipping for the first sticker and US pricing for any additional stickers.


And special extra items, again, because Halloween is REALLY my favorite:

$15.50

Dracullama- Original Hand Drawn and Painted, ACEO in protective plastic sleeve. 3.5" x 2.5"

$12.50

SOLD

Candy Corn Trick or Treat- Original Hand Drawn and Painted, ACEO in protective plastic sleeve. 3.5" x 2.5"

$14.50

Zed- Original hand drawn and inked, ACEO in protective plastic sleeve. 3.5" x 2.5"

$9.50

Pumpkin Pie on Maple Leaves- Original hand drawn and painted, ACEO in protective plastic sleeve. 3.5" x 2.5"

What is an ACEO?
ACEO stands for "Art Card- Editions and Originals."  All of the ACEOs I am offering here are originals and there is only one of each.  They are the size of a standard trading card.  Are made of cold pressed 150# watercolor paper and are each hand made by me and are stored in a protective acid free plastic pouch to keep them safe.  They will be sent in a standard envelope by first class post which is included in the price.

How to survive a plane crash.

How to survive a plane crash in 8 simple steps that anyone can follow:

1. This is the most important step, which is why it is number one-
As the plane is falling from the sky and crashing into the ground, DON'T die.
If you can't even be bothered to do that, then further advice is useless.  You have to really be committed to the "not dying on impact" directive.

2. Fashion yourself a cool headband - this will keep sweat out of your eyes AND let other survivors know that you are SERIOUS about this survival stuff. SERIOUS..LY AWESOME... Especially if you make it out of a live animal.

3. Get a reasonable distance from the airplane until it is safe.  There is nothing more tragic than making the commitment to live through smashing into the ground, only to find yourself sucked into a jet engine while staggering around in shock. Also, shrapnel from exploding planes is adverse to your objective of living.

4. Find shelter- If blankets and cushions are not available for a fort because the plane is a fiery deathtrap, dig a big hole.  It will keep you warm (or cool) and you can always cover it with sticks and leaves when you are not using it, to trick people into falling in.  Practical jokes always raise morale.

5. Look for fresh water- or quickly get used to the idea that you might be drinking your own distilled pee water soon to live.  Beware other survivors who are fine with drinking urine, right off the bat.

6. Watch lots of episodes of LOST and read teen fiction like The Hunger Games Trilogy before any plane travel.  This will make you aware of all of the experiences you are sure to encounter while navigating a survival situation. Shows such as Survivor Man and Man vs.Wild will do you no good.

7. Always wear a suit of snack foods under your clothes when traveling.  While you CAN forage for edibles, that requires that you actually know what you are doing and don’t eat things that want to kill you. It is safer to just eat your clothes. A good mix of fruit rollups, corn chips, and jerky will keep you healthy until to you can be rescued.  Chocolate is not suggested for these garments.

8. Be rescued.

VERY loosely adapted from the SAS Survival Handbook.

Winner, winner llama dinner.

I was quite pleased with the turnout on our first Scavenger Hunt, in that there was actually a turnout, and there were more than six entries.

Our top three winners, who actually left their houses to find all the items and/or interacted with other humans:


Ten Blue Stars
Kim (who inspired the hunt to begin with!)
Niamh

Lady-people, please send your mailing address to cheeseblarg at live dot com and I will get that envelope of happiness out to you by the end of the week.

And the next three, who had a mix of googling and human interaction are:


Sarah
Ms. MM
Bonnie

I loved your creative pictures and senses of humor in fulfilling my list. Thank you! Here are your personalized badges!

And to all the other people who have turned in their hunt finds, and who are still working on it, here is your badge.  It is on the honor system, but I will totally be mean to you if I find that you are using it without having  joined the llama games.

Please, go look at everyone's hunt results. They all did a great job.

As far as future scavenger hunts, I was thinking a Halloween Hunt might be lots of fun-- that is, that has to be done ON Halloween.  What do you think?

Da dun, da dun...

Shark week has been near and dear to my heart since the first time I watched it, the summer before my 11th grade year.  As I've watched it through the years, it has always reminded me of my best high school boyfriend, Alex (who reads this blarg, incidentally, hi, Alex!) because it was in his living room, on his couch, that the greatness that is a week full of terrifying shark facts was introduced to me.
And sharks are friggen awesome.  I mean I wouldn't want to hang out with one necessarily, or like... be eaten by one... though it would make a good story, being eaten by a shark in Montana, far away from places where sharks live... but still, not really up for that. So yes, I like to watch things about sharks, because they are fascinating and it gives me great information on how to avoid being eaten by them... which again, is much less of an issue now, living in Montana, than it was when I was growing up 8 blocks from the Atlantic Ocean.

My favorite shark fact: Sharks use electrical impulses to know where to bite, instead of their eyes, which are covered when they go all bitey to protect them from injury due to animals fighting back, because animals really don't like being bitten.

What's your favorite shark fact?

Narwhal Dress-Up!

My friend asked me to tell her how to make a dress-up game for her blog this afternoon, and in order to do that, I had to walk myself through the process again, so, OMG! You guys get another dress-up game from me.  Remember, you can share your creations by pressing the print screen (or prt sc) key on your keyboard and then pasting into a paint program. Just upload them to the Facebook Fan Page (or you own host) to share them with me and the other Cheeseblargians (that is what you are called, by the way... now you know, and knowing is have the battle! GO JOE!).

Have fun!

Don't get fired!

ETA: In case you're confused, you can drag and drop the different clothes and accessories onto the narwhal.
AND If you can't get enough weird animal dress-up, there is the Llama Dress-Up over here! 

Mothra

Sometimes, I get the feeling that I am part moth.  I usually get this feeling when my retinas are being burned because there is an uncovered light bulb somewhere and I am repeatedly staring at it despite my desire not to do so.

Non-Famous Twitter Illustrations #2- Platypus Monocle

Now, I know I said that the purpose of NFTI is to illustrate bland posts, but this one was too good and entertaining not to illustrate. And after searching for 'platypus' and finding this, I asked the tweeter if it was original. He assured me it was and let me know that he had posted a list of other scenarios I could illustrate as well, and I might just take him up on it.

Here, from Hunter (@hsqrdcreative) :

"Ok, I get what you're saying but, what if...the platypus had a monocle? Eh?"

Llama Runway

I might be quiet for a few days, but I would love it if you would come over to Cheeseblarg on Facebook and share your dressed up llamas.

Cheeseblarg's Llama Dress Up!

Sweet weasels, I should have taped myself creating this because I probably could have won some sort of prize for yelling and cursing nonsensically at my computer. But it is done, and uploaded, and it is all for you... and it was also for me, because the parts where I was not cursing and yelling and wishing everyone in the world dead, were actually pretty fun.

For the record, this was my first time doing Flash, ever.  And I had to figure out how to use it myself, because the tutorials I found didn't use the version I was using, which is apparently completely different. But now that I know how to do it, I could probably be encouraged to do more sometime. *nudge*
Let me know how you like it, and tell a friend to come play!

GHA! Hold tight if it isn't working for you. It seems to load every other time. I am working on other hosting. ETA: Hooray! Changed hosting, working now! Thanks Luc and Caz!

Be Cool, My Llamas!

Around midnight, back in 1996, I went down to my friend, Norweiner's, single room in the basement of our dorm at the University of Florida.  After hanging out for a little while, she told me she had to turn on the TV, which was strange since Norweiner was the non-tv-watching type.   I'd never heard of Conan O'Brien before that night, but watching a giant wagon full of whiny business men being dragged through the studio and around 30 Rockefeller was enough to get me hooked. I've been watching him since.

As so, I pay him the highest honor I can bestow upon someone.  I give you, Conan O'Brien as a llama (with doodley background):

You can't see it but he it totally wearing jeggings.

Llama Theatre: Weird Llamas

It's Friday night again, date night. I hear people go to movies and things like that on dates. Here is a scene from one of the greatest 80s movies in a new series I call "Llama Theatre." *whispers* I spell it fancy to make it more special.
Now I can pretend like we are out on a date.
Too creepy?

Original can be purchased at Etsy

Happy New Year!

It's been brought to my attention that saying "See you next year!" when parting with someone over the New Year's weekend is utterly uncool. To that I say thanks for reading and:

Tag, You're It!

More holiday tags.  Some fantastically inappropriate and some wholesome and useful for people with a deficit  of humor.  I found some sticker paper last night and printed out tags for all of the goodies I made. I figure that if they didn't like the cookies, at least they can laugh at the tag.

 
 

Holiday Tags for You!

I've spent the last couple days baking and making treats.  I still have quite a bit more to do, including packaging up treats and sending them out.  I always forget to actually tell the recipients what it is I have sent them, so this year, I figured I would draw some tags to label everything, since I am including some new treats that my friends won't recognize from previous years of guessing.


And then I thought, gee, I haven't written a blarg post in a couple days.  So TADA! Gift tags for you (and me) to use!

Standard Llama Reindeer

Creepy Candy Cane

There may well be more when I am done with all of my baking!