Showing posts with label writing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label writing. Show all posts

Saturday, April 7, 2018

It's not me, it's you, @Dell!

I have been a loyal Dell consumer since 2003. My first Dell computer was a desktop named Lola.


This is what I imagined she would look like as a person. 

I killed Lola in only a few months by accidentally pouring a ginger ale in the back of her while trying to fix my router. That was totally my fault. I immediately purchased a replacement Dell, a standard tower, no frills, and I salvaged what I could from Lola and pieced together my new computer, Frankenlola.


Personification of Frankenlola. I was doing a lot of pinups at the time. 

Frankenlola lasted for many years with no incidents. I eventually passed her down to my husband and bought my first Dell laptop for $1400 with money I earned as a research assistant at the University of Florida in 2005. Her name was Lucille. I played a lot of Sims 2 on Lucille, and when I replaced her in 2009, she was literally falling apart. Unfortunately, Lucille’s replacement, whose name I can’t recall, likely because of the trouble I had with her, was the beginning of a downward trend. On November 16, 2010, less than a year old, the hard drive on that laptop died.



http://cheeseblarg.blogspot.com/2010/11/ill-be-back.html 

After much arguing and complaining, Dell honored their warranty and replaced the hard drive in their depot.

A few months later, to treat my husband, since Frankenlola was getting mighty slow, I bought him a new Dell desktop (he doesn’t bother to name his possessions).

After the fight I had then with getting the hard drive replaced (because it was close to the end of the warranty period), the computer only lasted 2.5 years, until July 5, 2013.

On Feb, 8th, 2014, I bought yet another Dell laptop. This one was named the S.S. Lil’ Mare after my friend Mary who worked at Dell and helped me pick out the system.


In May of 2017, I bought another Dell (this time refurbished) for my husband when the hard drive on his desktop failed right before finals, and 2 months later we had to replace the replacement, when its hard drive also failed. Thankfully, the seller of that computer on Amazon happily refunded the price and another Dell desktop was purchased for an additional fee. When the Lil’ Mare died on July 11th of last year, having had to buy 2 computers for my husband, leaving us no extra funds, I saved up until November to buy my current computer, Ernestine, on Thanksgiving morning. My saga with Ernestine has been so horrific that I really never want to deal with Dell, ever again.

When Ernestine broke two weeks into my ownership, I asked Dell to replace it. They insisted on trying to fix it. Fixing it was a whole ordeal. I asked them, please, I’ve only had this for two weeks, just replace the computer. At one point, as I waited with no word from the repairman, they agreed to replace the computer over the phone, but were only willing to offer a refurbished unit. For some reason, they didn’t think I deserved a new one. Desperate, I agreed. Moments later they rescinded, saying the repairman would be there shortly.

The hard drive was replaced on my kitchen table as my cat looked on and it worked poorly for January and February, and then died again, with a catastrophic hard drive failure yet again on March 8th. I asked them to replace the computer once again. They insisted it be repaired and sent a repairman to my home again when I refused to send it in to their depot. Being a writer by trade, I am not pleased with losing my computer for weeks at a time and wanted it done in a timely manner. Forty-five minutes after the repairman left, the computer broke again, this time shutting itself off moments after booting it, repeatedly. After complaining bitterly on Twitter, Dell called me and attempted the third repair, which did, to use a colorful turn of phrase, fuck all.

As a person with processing issues from a chronic illness, talking on the phone is difficult. I can hear but I can’t process speech in real time, often times. I watch TV with subtitles because my brain can’t keep up with the sounds I hear. Having to follow directions from a person with a heavily accented voice in a noisy environment on a staticy phone when I was stressed to begin with was absolute torture, and I was not willing to try again when, predictably, my computer was still broken and I was told I was not eligible to have the unit replaced. After expressing my dismay on Twitter, completely distraught, they convinced me to send the computer into their depot, where it would be fixed once and for all, completely perfect and in tip top shape. I was told the turn around would be very quick. It took 5 days just to get there. And then there was a 5 day wait to get parts to fix it.

After 15 days, I was pleased as punch to have my computer back. I am in the middle of a manuscript for a novel I am excited about that I started in May of 2017, right before the S.S. Lil’ Mare died and am anxious to get back to writing, which I cannot do on my smartphone. Imagine my dismay, reading the documentation that came with my computer explaining that my computer had been carefully fixed and tested, when my newly “repaired” computer, shut itself off within 2 minutes of booting the system to Windows.

I am absolutely livid with Dell. The computer should have been replaced the very first time that there was a problem in the first two weeks I had it. Their bait and switch behavior feels like a scam, and it is making me physically sick. That previously mentioned chronic illness is an autoimmune disease and it is highly reactive to stress. I am currently on a month long course of steroids because my immune system was attacking my joints and internal organs to the point that the low dose chemotherapy I regularly take couldn’t do the job of suppressing it as it should, and my liver was being damaged by the attack.

Over the past day, Dell has offered to send another repairman to “fix my computer right in front of me,” as if this was some sort of treat. If they couldn’t fix it in their depot that is presumably a clean room, how in the hell were they going to fix it in my cat hair filled home? Upon asking that question, they thoughtfully offered to have me send it back to the depot if I didn’t want it fixed in my home. And for that matter, what the hell were they doing with it while it was in the depot in the first place? It was supposedly tested, and yet, Windows wasn’t reinstalled when I turned it on fresh out of the box, and it persisted in the behavior the moment it was fully booted. It seems clear that they didn’t test it and that the computer cannot be fixed.

What I would really like is to be able to buy a different brand of computer so I never have to deal with Dell again, but unfortunately, I am chronically ill and my husband and I depend upon student loans and my writing and art to survive. When I don’t have my computer, I don’t have a way to work, and his loans are solely for his education and must be carefully budgeted to get us through each semester. I would love to have an i Mac or anything, actually, reliable and sturdy enough for process intensive digital art and film making. But regardless, I honestly believe that Dell needs to make this right and that seems very far off.

As it stands, they have passed my case on to an escalation specialist. I was told they would call within 24-36 hours. They called way sooner while I was out assisting my husband with a photography project for his semester final. I was told there would be a call back number direct to the specialist should they be unable to reach me. Predictably, there wasn’t a direct line. I had to answer 20 questions to be patched through to a number where I was promptly hung up on. Mr. Christopher’s phone doesn’t have voicemail, and while he assured me he would be available until 6 pm, their system wouldn’t put the call through because it shuts down at 5 pm.

Over the past 15 years, I have been incredibly loyal to Dell. As the family computer specialist, I have instructed all of my family members to purchase Dells. I have told coworkers and students and friends. I want my computer replaced. I want a machine that works and that I can work with, with the same or better specs and I don’t want another damned platitude where I am told that being frustrated is understandable but their hands are tied. This is a shitty way to do business and it would take a monumental response to rectify the damage done to the relationship. At this point, I’m just assuming even if I am able to harangue a replacement computer out of them, I will forever be disappointed and will spend the rest of my excess energy warning people away from the brand because the treatment I have received and the difficulty I have faced is something no paying customer should ever subject themselves to.















Thursday, December 21, 2017

I'm A Meat Popsicle.

I prefer to shower at night, or in the afternoon. That way I can put off sitting around with my head damp and freezing for as long as possible. During the winter, in this little house we've moved into, I have found that showering at night is a problem. The fan in our bathroom that's activated by our light switch is a conduit directly to outside, so turning the switch on means I am pumping fast moving sub-arctic air into a room where a fine mist of water is supposed to be warming me up (and cleaning me, yadda yadda). So until I get fed up and buy a lamp for the bathroom, my solution currently is just showering in the dark. My husband thought I did this because I'm a goth or something. I really have no idea what he thinks I'm doing half the time because he never asks, really, he just dutifully turns off the light for me and goes away, probably wondering why the hell he married such a weirdo.

A comic strip titled "Winter Showers" by JRose First panel: Shows a shower curtain, a little open. A wet headed Jodee sticks out a little. She is saying "Hon, can you bring me a top hat?" Frame 2: Door to the bathroom is open a little, her husband, a bald man with a big red beard sticks his head in a little and asks, "What the hell do you need a top hat in the shower for?" Frame 3: The same shower scene but the shower curtain has been pulled back. Jodee is a snowman from the neck down, complete with coal buttons and branch arms. She has a carrot in her mouth approximating a nose and there is snow falling from the shower head. Frame 4: Close up on her head with the carrot in her mouth. The side of her husband's head is seen to the left. He's asking, "Where do you get that carrot?"



And, in other news, the brand new computer I bought... it died... two weeks after getting it. The hard drive has been replaced after much complaining and flailing. They kindly sent out an awesome nerd tech named Nic who talked to me about fun nerd topics while we waited for it to actually install.

And I am working hard on a new novel, writing at least an hour every day. It deals with current affairs and is an R rated vigilante thriller. Becoming a patron on patreon with the button below can get you access to excerpts weekly with a pledge of just 3 dollars a post (with no more than 4 posts a month- so a minimum of 12 bucks a month maximum! Wait, that was confusing. it could be 3-12 bucks for access to good stuff). There are also art bonuses for higher levels of patronage.

patreon.com/cheeseblarg



Tuesday, May 17, 2016

The Melancholy Princess (Part 5)

We're at the end of our story. If you're just joining us, it only makes sense to start at the beginning.

(Part One)
(Part Two)
(Part Three)
(Part Four)


The Melancholy Princess (Part 5- The End)

“Hello again.”
“Ivan,” she said, surprised by the man standing amongst the trees. “Do you live in these woods or something?”
He grinned. “You could say that. Come looking for your wolf again?”
“Yes,” she said. “I am worried about him.”
“Shall we look together today?”
“Fine,” she said. ‘Company wouldn’t be bad,’ she thought to herself.

They wandered through the woods looking for the wolf, talking. Ivan told her stories of hunting and silly jokes about dwarves. She smiled.

Coming to a clearing in the trees, the princess stopped short and gasped.

On the dappled ground lain a silvery wolf pelt.
“Wolf!” She cried, dropping to her knees beside the bundle of fur. Stroking the soft, cold coat, she began to cry.
“Don’t cry,” the voice drifted down to her. She blinked up at Ivan.
“Wolf?” She whispered.
“I’ll keep you company,” he said.
The princess looked up, eyeing the man before her.
“I’ll keep you company,” he repeated again, pulling the princess towards him, softly nuzzling her hair.

“But where were you?” She said, kissing his cheek. “Why did you go?”

“I ran deep into the forest to find an enchantress to turn me into a man so I might keep you company as long as you like. 

I know what it’s like to be sad, to be scared of nothing at all and everything at once,” he said, taking her into his arms. “You were the most melancholy princess I have ever seen, but your loneliness drew me in. I was lonely too. I promised I would keep you company and I meant it, but no respectable king would let his daughter marry a wolf and I could not bear to be kept as a pet. If you’ll have me, I’d gladly be your prince. I love you, princess.”
“I love you too, wolf.”
“Ivan,” he smiled.
“Prince Ivan,” she said. And she was never lonely again, except sometimes she was, but she always had company when she wanted it.


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The moral of the story is it's okay to fall in love with a wolf/dog after a day and want them to be your companion forever. With people, it's a little weird but sometimes it works. Especially if they used to be a wolf. Want to share the whole story at once? Click The Melancholy Princess at the top of this page.

Thursday, May 12, 2016

The Melancholy Princess (Part 4)

Continuing the story of a very lonely princess- please go read the first three parts because it is unbearably silly to start a story in the middle.


Don't forget to share the story, comment, and shower me with love. It might get the next (and final) part here early.


The Melancholy Princess (Part 4)


From the woods, she heard a rustling. “Wolf?!” she said, expectantly. A young man stepped out of the trees. 




“Oh.” She said dejectedly. “Have you seen a wolf in the woods?” He shook his head and grinned at her. “What?” she said, annoyed, though he was a fairly handsome young man dressed in nice enough clothes.
“I’m Ivan,” he said.
“Okay...” she said warily.
“Why are you looking for a wolf?” he said, “Most young girls look to avoid nasty beasts in the forest.”
She eyed him. “Not all wolves are nasty beasts.”
“Sorry,” he said sheepishly. “I’m Ivan.” He reached to shake her hand.
“Yes, you said that.”
“But you are here looking for a wolf,” he laughed. “Would you like me to help you find him?”
“No,” she said quickly. “But thank you,” she said remembering her manners. It really was nice of him to offer but she didn’t know him and she had things to do.
“Well, see you, then,” he said, smiling at her.


“Okay,” she said dismissively with a shake of her head and headed back towards the castle. 

That night, nestled in her warm luxurious bed, she had dreams of wolves and hunters and delicate pink and blue flowers. She awoke determined that she would go into the woods once more to find her wolf.

Thursday, May 5, 2016

The Melancholy Princess (Part 3)

Part three of five of my illustrated fairy tale. Read the first part here (Part one) and the second part here (part two). We'll wait.


The Melancholy Princess (Part Three)

They talked for a long time, about being a princess and being a wolf. They shared stories and laughed. It began to get late. Suddenly a noise came from the distant forest. The wolf jumped up, alert. The princess looked around. 



“They must have sent someone to look for me.” She said in a hush. “Can I meet you here again?” 
The wolf agreed and darted off into the woods.

The next day the princess woke in a much better mood. She dressed quickly and went to the kitchen to pack a basket of food for her walk. Since she had denied the wolf quite a breakfast in her, with her surly attitude the day before, she figured it was only fair. 



After her basket was full of delicious meats and cheeses and fresh cool water, she began her walk into the forest to meet with her new friend. She scanned all along the trees, looking for the wolf as she went. ‘I think this is where I was yesterday,’ she thought to herself, ‘perhaps wolves are not good with directions.’ She waited a long time but the wolf did not show up. Sadly, after a long while, she got up, leaving the basket, and walked back towards the castle.




The next morning she did not bother to get out of bed. Her father, the king, came in to check on her and she sent him away. Her stepmother, as all self-respecting princesses have stepmothers, came in next. She insisted that the princess get up and go for a walk to refresh herself. Begrudgingly, the princess got up, dressed and went dutifully for a walk. ‘Maybe,’ she thought to herself, “he didn’t really mean to stand me up.’ She walked on. ‘But what does a wolf have to do that he can’t meet up with a princess?’ She frowned.



Next part is up on Thursday morning, though you can get a sneak peek on Sundays at http://patreon.com/cheeseblarg with a pledge of just $4 a month (on months where I post 4 times) to support the blarg. Recently, pledges went to replacing my tablet pen so I can continue to illustrate posts.

Thursday, April 28, 2016

The Melancholy Princess (Part 2)

Here is the second part of my story, a fairy tale written for lonely princesses. If you missed the first part, you should go read it here, because... wait... why do I have to explain this? Things go in order for a reason. Go read it, we'll wait. Okay, ready? Let's go.



The Melancholy Princess (Part Two)


She sat for a long time, crying and whining and being generally pathetic. From the trees behind her, she heard a low growl. She turned mildly, blinking slowly. A great silvery wolf was poised amongst the trees peering at her. 




“Oh,” she said blandly. “Come to eat me, have you? Well, go ahead. It’s not as if I have anything to live for anyway.”
The wolf sat down and considered her carefully. “Not really the reaction I usually get, you know?” He said. 
“Yes,” said the princess, “but I imagine that you usually eat princess who have much more going for them.”




The wolf, in an act of great effort, rolled his eyes at her. “Well, really, your attitude makes this so much less satisfying. Nevermind.” He got up and began to leave.
“Right, of course,” she said angrily. “A stupid wolf won’t even eat me!” She began to sob again.
“Now stop that!” He said coming closer to her. 
“Go away!” She shouted, turning towards him sourly.
“If I might ask, what about your life is so terrible that you would be fine with becoming my breakfast?” The wolf sat down beside her.
“Everything!” she said pitifully.
“Come now, you are a princess, right? Your father is the king. You are rich and famous and beautiful…”
She sniffled. “You think I’m beautiful?”
“Well, yes,” the wolf said honestly, as contrary to belief, wolves are really quite honest. She reached over and stroked his gray fur. He looked at her warily but allowed her touch. “So, really, what is so terribly awful that you are wallowing alone in a forest?” The wolf asked.
“I am lonely,” she said, “No one loves me.”
“Oh, that,” he said. She whimpered and nuzzled against his warm fur. “Don’t cry,” he said. “I’ll keep you company.”




Come back next Thursday morning for the next installment!


or for at least a dollar a post, you can see the next installment a few days earlier!

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

The Melancholy Princess (Part 1)

I have a story to tell you, it even has pictures. It's about a princess who I think a lot of us can relate to. I'll try to have another installment ready by next Thursday, so if you enjoyed this, please let me know  (or share it) and be sure to check back for more!


The Melancholy Princess

 Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess who just wanted to be loved. She had read many fairy tales and had all sorts of silly ideas on how to find the perfect prince. She would wake early in the morning and scour the royal bogs for comely young frogs.



 She kissed them all, it seemed, but none ever became a prince. She took dancing lessons and went to all the balls. She always left a shoe behind but no prince ever came looking for the owner.



She even took to sleeping in silly places like forests and tall towers in hopes that a dashing young prince would happen by and kiss her awake, but none ever came.
She was devastated and lonely. ‘If only I had a fairy godmother,' she thought. But fairy godmothers were just the stuff of stories. She was on her own.
One morning she awoke, lonely as ever and decided to go for a walk. She moped slowly along beside the royal stream absent-mindedly picking pink and blue flowers.



She plucked their petals muttering sadly to herself, “He loves me not, he loves me not, he loves me not.” Suddenly, she broke into sobs and slumped to the ground feeling terribly sorry for herself.





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Friday, April 1, 2016

Twentyish by Fortyish

Tomorrow I will be 39 and a ½ so following the tradition of age-related goal setting, with the all too poignant reminders I’ve had lately that life is far too short, I am coming up with a list of things I would like to do before 40, but as my twitter friend suggested, I’ll make it by 40ish, because I am chronically ill and I’m not willing to beat myself up for not reaching goals that are arbitrary to begin with. So these are things that I would like to do in my life and soon, that I am willing to put some effort towards. Also, I do stuff I want to all the time, so I’m pretty sure I’m not going to come up with 40 things I really want to do that I haven’t done before (or in a really long time), so, here’s 20ish by 40ish:


  1. Go to the Grand Canyon
  2. Pick my nose at the Grand Canyon


  1. Get a book published by an actual publisher (and not just self-publishing- clearly this requires cooperation by entities other than myself which makes it so much harder)
  2. Gamble in Las Vegas
  3. Pick my nose while gambling in Las Vegas (also counts if it is just done in a casino)
  4. Pet a llama
  5. Snuggle goats (I would say pet a goat, but most of my childhood was spent petting goats apparently)


 
  1. Meet internet friends in person
  2. Read a new Stephen King book
  3. Collect all the cats in Atsume Neko
A photo posted by JRose (@cheeseblarg) on

  1. Go to a dentist despite being a complete dental phobe (extra points for not having overwhelming anxiety whilst doing so)
  2. Try bone marrow
  3. Vote for Bernie Sanders
  4. See the new Ghostbusters movie in the theater
  5. Pick my nose while watching the new Ghostbusters movie
  6. Plan a surprise party for my cat

  1. Write a short story
  2. Purge a bunch of my belongings that I don’t need or ever think about
  3. Make pasta from scratch
  4. Have funny colored hair (again, my college career was a time of rainbow hair)
  5. Eat an entire village
  6. Eat a fruit I've never had before, for dessert, after eating an entire village

And with that said, stay tuned for this exciting project!


Coming to da blarg (with extra content at Patreon for supporters) at the end of April!


Friday, January 2, 2015

Read Only

I think I am just going to spend all of 2015 reading. I am doing this challenge from PopSugar:


Of course, I intend to cheat. I just don't have the drive to read 52 books in a year, mostly because I read really slowly and the whole reading-induced narcolepsy. So, again, with the resolve to cheat, I started before 2015, and I read "The Scarlet Letter," which covers like 5-8 of the checkboxes above. It was one of the books I was supposed to read in high school but never actually read. No, not true... I started reading it my 9th grade year and got to the description of the roses beside the jail's door and stopped. Having finished it, I am not terribly forlorn that I didn't read this book sooner. It wasn't nearly as awful as I had assumed but it certainly wouldn't have enriched my teenaged life.

With this challenge, I am taking this opportunity to read books I have meant to read for a long time. Right now, I am reading "In Cold Blood" by Truman Capote, and I have "To Kill a Mockingbird" on my list, and "You" by Caroline Kepnes, and of course all the books Stephen King will have written by the time I get to them. You are more than welcome to follow my progress on Goodreads if you'd like. 

Last year was a terrible year for reading. I read 4 books. FOUR WHOLE BOOKS (not counting The Scarlet Letter... which doesn't count because I said so). It was "Game of Thrones" that killed my usually much higher average. Between finishing writing the first in a series of a kickass science fiction mystery thriller novels in 3 months and editing it, then trying to get an agent to represent that novel (still looking!), and having my body totally freak out where my hands didn't work for a few months (which seriously makes typing a novel difficult, let me tell you), and my liver and pancreas freaking out from all my horrible medications trying to fix my hands (most of which I am no longer on for the sake of not dying), and having my gallbladder removed, it took me SEVEN months to read the damned book. Just the first book. And it only translates into like the first 10 episodes of the series. I can't read them all. I just can't... until I run out of other things to read and write. I loved it. It was great... but holy crap. It's like the black hole of series. That's not an insult, I promise. It is just SO dense with information. It is wonderful, and I loved it... I really did, but, yeah, I'm abstaining from reading more of the series for the time being as long as I want to do other things in my life.

Thankfully now, my hands are working with just one medication and they no longer feel like they have been beaten with a hammer (as long as I remember to take my meds on time) so I can easily hold a kindle or an actual book (since Klout sent me an hard copy of "You" to read) without crying or whining or needing to train Stevie to press the side buttons on my Kindle to change the page for me.

So, if you need me, I'll be reading. 

If you want to join in on this reading challenge, I would totally be interested in hearing about the books you're reading, too!





Wednesday, May 23, 2012

New News is Good News

There have been good reasons for my quietness, that is, not necessarily acceptable, but GOOD, like, I enjoyed them sort of good, you know, the opposite of unfortunate.

Some of it is news, like:

OMG, MY ART IS GOING TO BE SHOWN IN TIMES SQUARE, MOTHERFUCKERS!


Remember me begging for votes? I know, which time, right? Well, the time I was doing it asking people to click "COLLECT ME" so I could have my art shown in Times Square. That time. After one last big push, I got enough votes so that my art will be shown on a billboard in Times Square, NYC. Which art? I don't really know. They haven't told me. Will I be there? Not bloody likely. UNLESS they choose me as a finalist and I make $10k as a result, which would only happen with more votes, but nevertheless HOLY SHIT, TIMES SQUARE, MAN! June 18th. I need pictures of it if any New York City dwellers could go check it out for me.


And OMG, I AM WORKING ON MY NOVEL AGAIN! 




JRose, we were unaware you were working on a novel. Yeah, I know, that is why it is news. It's a sci-fi novel, set way in the future... on the MOON. I started it several years ago and it has been nagging at me and  so I am working on it again. And I am telling people I am working on it so they make me continue to work on it because it is an awesome premise and I am surprisingly, sometimes, a pretty damned good writer (which is an opinion I formed when I reread what I wrote 5 years ago).

Only I haven't worked on it for three days because I was feverishly reading:




11/22/63: A Novel by Stephen King, and it was my favorite book of his so far. Most likely because it revolved around time travel and time travel is my favorite plot point of all time. EVER (Surprisingly, the book I am writing has no time travel at all, because I don't think I can do it justice, and because it doesn't fit with what I need to write about, although, since it happens in the future, it is kind of my way of time traveling, but I digress...). You guys should know by now that I suck at reviews, but this book had a great balance of the usual suspense of a King novel without the choking detail that makes you want to punch yourself in the face. I stopped doing everything to read it because I needed to know what happened next. I even looked into ways to waterproof my Kindle so that I could read while bathing so I didn't have to stop. Seriously, it is awesome. And I didn't give a festering bowl of dog snot about Lee Harvey Oswald (the main topic of the book) before I read it, so you don't have to care, either, to read and enjoy it.

Pocket in the Sea by E. Stoops
Another book by my friend who wrote Being Emelle, this book is an alternative history fiction about paranormals, and submarines, and is an interesting and enjoyable homoerotic romp. It was a little confusing in the beginning as to what exactly was happening, but as I kept reading, it all wove together and made perfect sense. 

And now, I have the house to myself for three weeks, so hopefully, I will get lots of writing done and things will happen that will spur great blarg posts, and maybe Jason Segel will agree to be my internet boyfriend/celebrity endorser.

I'm sure I can work out the details with my husband.
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