I'm A Meat Popsicle.

I prefer to shower at night, or in the afternoon. That way I can put off sitting around with my head damp and freezing for as long as possible. During the winter, in this little house we've moved into, I have found that showering at night is a problem. The fan in our bathroom that's activated by our light switch is a conduit directly to outside, so turning the switch on means I am pumping fast moving sub-arctic air into a room where a fine mist of water is supposed to be warming me up (and cleaning me, yadda yadda). So until I get fed up and buy a lamp for the bathroom, my solution currently is just showering in the dark. My husband thought I did this because I'm a goth or something. I really have no idea what he thinks I'm doing half the time because he never asks, really, he just dutifully turns off the light for me and goes away, probably wondering why the hell he married such a weirdo.

And, in other news, the brand new computer I bought... it died... two weeks after getting it. The hard drive has been replaced after much complaining and flailing. They kindly sent out an awesome nerd tech named Nic who talked to me about fun nerd topics while we waited for it to actually install.

And I am working hard on a new novel, writing at least an hour every day. It deals with current affairs and is an R rated vigilante thriller. Becoming a patron on patreon with the button below can get you access to excerpts weekly with a pledge of just 3 dollars a post (with no more than 4 posts a month- so a minimum of 12 bucks a month maximum! Wait, that was confusing. it could be 3-12 bucks for access to good stuff). There are also art bonuses for higher levels of patronage.

Hooked on Straws

We've found that my cat's favorite toy in the entire world is a regular plastic drinking straw. On the bright side, his toys are REALLY cheap, or free, basically, if I bring extras home when I go out for fast food. He'll even fetch them if they're thrown for him, and will come back and drop them at your feet to throw again... after mauling your hand a little.

There are only two negatives... my house is full of chewed on straws. I tuck into bed at night and find them buried in my sheets. And then, there's this:

edited to add:

Rosetta Stone for Goats

click the comic to biggify

My husband was gifted a copy of Rosetta Stone during the holidays. He asked me to help him install it. My instructions were: Put the disk in the computer. Follow the instructions. Don't eat the disk.

2012 Cheesy Wrap Up

Happy New Year's Eve Eve, Cheeseblargians!

I wish you all a happy and prosperous new year, with all of the LOLs and NOMs and UNFs you could hope for. I also wish me the same because I am fairly self-centered.

I come bearing a ton of funny for the end of the year, in the form of  my comic, CRAP! which you should be reading and sharing, though most of you aren't which is a bit discouraging, but today, we reach the crux of what the comic is really about, so maybe that will be the camel straw that makes people actually respond to what I am doing so I am not just drawing this damned thing only to amuse myself (though it really really does amuse me, greatly... because I know what is going to happen). Be a hipster, like it before everyone else does!

Click the previews below to get to the comic page, which, for the unobservant, is also up in the right corner of the new navigation bar (^ that a-way)

Instead of posting them as separate posts, I'm archiving all of them here and on Tumbler, which I am now using, but as you see, I am inserting the E in there, right where it belongs. Future postings should be posted at the bottom of new posts in the same form as above.

Also, my Tard the Grumpy Cat drawing is in the I Can Has Cats t-shirt contest at We Love Fine, and if you wanted to rate that shit, that would be super awesome PLUS helping funny artists is good for your New Year karma, I've been told.

click the picture to go vote!

I also wanted to share this awesome drawing of me (the real me- I actually have a nose) done by reader Milina P. because it is friggen awesome. I love it when you guys draw me, or my characters, or llama narwhal hybrids. <3

Wonder JRose!

And this was sent to me overnight by reader Amanda E. who bought me the cake I desperately wanted that they don't sell in the Northwest. It was delicious, Amanda, thank you! You continue to RULE!  =D

And that's all. It has been a pretty cool year.  I hope next year will hold more posts, comic stories and fun exciting things, including me winning the lottery or somehow becoming independently wealthy so I can take a trip to the Grand Canyon finally, and go back to NYC so I can stalk  my College Humor crush, Emily visit my favorite city ever without getting robbed again, and maybe finally find out what the hell that smell is under Grand Central Station. 

So again, Happy New Year's! I love you guys... and I'm not even drunk!

Cheeseblarg OUT!

See you next year! 

   

Hanukkah 2012: 8th Night- CRAPTASTIC!

I hope you have enjoyed this year's Hanukkah. Mine hasn't sucked terribly, and I have actually gotten quite a few useful things (which I don't think has happened before, ever). Tonight, for the final night of Hanukkah, your present is PAGE THREE of CRAP! which actually reveals a good part of what this comic is actually about, though there are a few more surprises in store. If I get encouragement (comments, views, proposals), I will share more soon, and if not, I will share it when I feel like it. If you missed pages one and two, you can find them using this link --> I'm a link <-- because comics make more sense when you read them in order.

Click here to see it full sized for ease of reading and whatnot. 

Hanukkah 2012: 3rd Night- CRAP! (page 2)

It seems some of you guys really like my "CRAP!" So tonight, you get more of it. Page 2 of CRAP! is here for your reading pleasure.

Oh, and last night for Hanukkah, I got a "That's What She Said" shirt... from my mom.

Click here to biggify for reading and not all friggen blurry. Grr.

And unless you are an insider who has been listening to my long running ramblings about this comic (while it was in its inception phase), I'm gonna guess that you will not be able to guess what happens next. Though you are welcome to try...

And I'll be back tomorrow night with some more Hanukkah giftery!

Hanukkah 2012: 2nd Night: CRAP!

Now, usually when you get crap for Hanukkah, it is something you totally don't want, but I am hoping this is crap you will enjoy. For tonight, you one get one page of "Crap!" but if you are complimentary, you might get much more in the coming days. Or you might get a stale Panattone. There is really no way of knowing.

Click here to biggify for ease of reading since blogger wants to be a dick and make this distorted at whatever size I make it.. 

*sigh*

Anyway, Happy Hanukkah, the second. Come back tomorrow for more presents.

From Russia with Love

When I was in college, I took Russian to fulfill my foreign language requirement.  In fact, my college transcripts say that I attended "МГУ" (pronounced "Em- Gay- Oo"), which would stand for Moscow State University.

background source

I did not go to Moscow State University.

I wanted to go to МГУ, but alas, I missed a lot of class and my teacher wouldn't give me the recommendation to be an exchange student, and I graduated as a surprise that semester anyway, which was kind of fine with me because I learned that I had to get an assload of vaccinations and stuff to go, and that was a point in my life where my fear of needles overpowered good sense. Little did I know that many years later, I would be allowing doctors to stick needles in my face.

Anyway, my choice of Russian, instead of a standard foreign language, like Spanish or French, was on account of the book "A Clockwork Orange," and also because the challenge of having to learn  a new alphabet appealed to me. I had tried to teach myself Russian my senior year of high school, but I was reading from a book and it had no pronunciation guide, so I didn't learn much.

Despite having taken about 2 solid years of Russian (over many semesters), while I can still read cyrillic, I can only remember how to say a few phrases/words and none of them are very helpful, unless I ever find myself writing bad Russian airport porn.

Here is the Russian and the phonetics for you, just in case you want to look it up yourself!
здравствуйте - zdravstvuyte - Hello
Извините за беспокойства - Izvinite za bespokoystva - Sorry for the trouble (said when one calls a wrong number)
Какой большой чемодан!  - Kakoy bolʹshoy chemodan!- What a big suitcase!
Да, это очень большой!  - Da, eto ochenʹ bolʹshoy!- Yes, it is very big!
Я хочу твой большой чемодан! - Ya khochu t'voy bol'shoy chemodan!- I want your big suitcase!
четыре! chetyre!

Just as an aside, this porn script has been a running joke since I was in college, when my classmates and I, who had a crush on our teacher, would go to lunch and laugh about having to talk about his BIG suitcase repeatedly.

How to Annoy the World in 5 Simple Steps

Last night, while watching the Olympics Closing Ceremony, I came up with the best idea ever, which I have drawn up to share with you all.
This is all the more reason that I need to become rich and famous... or just rich, really.

A Poignant Comic About Hot Cocoa

Rush's Bain Conspiracy Goes Deeper!

It was reported that Rush Limbaugh made the claim that the character Bane (who was featured in the 1993 DC Batman Comics) was created to be the villain in "The Dark Knight Rises" to conjure thoughts of Bain Capital, which was designed to undermine Mitt Romney's presidential bid.

This unearthed woodcut comic from the 1500s shows that it goes way deeper than that.