PAY ATTENTION TO ME!

There’s this weird thing that people do that baffles me. As an artist, it has happened to me but it clearly isn't just confined to art, but the puzzling phenomenon of people taking credit for things that they obviously didn't do.

That is not to say that I don’t get the general idea of lying to get attention...

But the chances of it backfiring and looking like a total jackhole when you are figured out totally skews the risk vs. reward ratio way too far into the TOO RISKY category for me and I think, most reasonable people. So much so that I have never actually considered such a ridiculous idea.

Part of the real confusion I experience with this is this "flying to close to the sun" urge that seems to come with the urge to lie about your achievements. Instead of lying in a small way that might give a small boost, it seems to be a huge ridiculous lie that is just so obvious it's kind of insulting. *cough Trump cough*

But there is another way.

For all the flack that millennials get, there’s this beautiful thing I have seen happening in the current generation that would totally satiate these low effort attention seekers without resulting in them needing to delete their Facebook account when their artist friends call out the fact that they have claimed to paint a picture that was painted by a really well-known artist…

It’s called… ASKING FOR COMPLIMENTS.

Honestly, it is the coolest thing about people now. When you’re having a bad day, if you’re friends with leftist millennials or similarly positive nice people, you can just ask for the attention you need and (if you don’t do this on a daily basis and you’re not a total asshole) they’ll totally say nice things about you to make you happy.

This also works with asking for a gif of kittens and pictures of hybrid corgi mixes, I've found. But seriously, have you looked up corgi mixes?



Anyway, if you find yourself in need of emotional support sometimes and claiming you painted the Mona Lisa starts looking tempting, I urge you to try asking for a compliment to get the ego boost you need. Just say, "Hey friends, I'm having a hard time. Could you say something nice about me to cheer me up?"


And there’s the added bonus of knowing who to unfriend if anyone tries to make you feel bad about having emotional needs that are met by receiving external validations sometimes, 'cause you deserve to be happy and feel loved and people who try to shit on that don't deserve corgis AT ALL.

I Ain't Afraid of No Reboots!

This post has no spoilers unless you think drawings of myself and characters from the movies are spoilers, then there are spoilers, but no details of the plot of the movie itself.


So, if you've been paying attention for any amount of time, you should know that I am a gigantic Ghostbusters fan. Unlike most of the people on the tubes, I was super looking forward to the release of the new Ghostbusters reboot, which should be clear since I made a goal of going to the movie AND picking my nose in said movie (which I totally achieved):

Artist's Rendering

I even made my own shirt for the occasion, which was the most obnoxious experience ever. I mean, who makes a t-shirt transfer that CAN'T BE WASHED *glares at Horizon Group USA*

If you want one, too, you can buy one by clicking the picture, because iron-ons are a pain in the ass (There are also stickers, mini skirts, and prints available). Or pledge a dollar or more on Patreon for access to the unwatermarked version to make your own if you enjoy ass pains.

But my thoughts on the movie...

I LOVED IT!

Now my nephew, who is the kid next to me in the picture above ignoring my finger in my nose, thought it was better than the original, but I quickly corrected him, because that is verging on blasphemy. But it was just as good, I think, and its own thing. 

Of course, there are many (cheek-bustingly delightful) references to the original, which I won't elaborate on, but it really is an entirely new thing which real fans of the movie (who don't have some weird principle against a universe being expanded -- or yucky girls) should absolutely love.

Love, love, love, love, love. And so far, all the fans I know are really feeling exactly that, so it is not just because I usually keep my expectations almost as low as they can go when it comes to media. That is to say, if I am entertained, I am willing to call something entertainment, but this was more than entertainment; it was a new and expanded look at a franchise that has been dear to my heart since I was 8 years old, and I think it will bring a new generation of 8-year-olds into the fray. I can't wait for more!

In the meantime, I'll just bring everyone I know to go see it, and draw fan art, and read all I can about it and fantasize about joining the crew!

 

Pintester Movement: That's Not A Moon!

It is also not a dented flamboyant golf ball though it looks like one of those, too.

So, I am back, thanks to Sonja Foust's Pintester Movement again. She really does a good job of getting me to post once a month. This time, we're all making ornaments (serious, go look at all the awesome ornaments in the links!), and I wanted to try out this awesome Star Wars Disco Death Star that I found on Pinterest.

This picture is not mine. This is what it should look like. This is awesome. 

It should be noted that there are no square sequins in all of Montana... in fact, there are hardly any sequins at all. I guess when you live in a place where eagles pick up baby deer and fling them at power lines, sequining shit is not a priority. After checking every other store in town, I finally found round silver sequins and since we are pintesting here, I figured, 'fuck it, that will do.'

Also, I don't know if this phenomenon is widespread but it seems that Montana thinks that Styrofoam is made out of unicorn spleens, because they are seriously pricey here. This tutorial was all, "under 5 dollars" and I was all, "bullshit!" So my ball is much smaller than their ball because I am cheap, and I wasn't paying over 6 dollars for a stupid ball, though I suppose it will never decompose, so maybe I'm supposed to be paying for longevity.

Anyway, once I started the project, it was pretty easy. Took me about 2 hours to finish it while not really paying attention to a football game on TV. I was kinda of tired of being covered in glue by the end of it, and of repositioning sequins that my giant clumsy fingers knocked out of place.

It doesn't look like the Death Star really because round sequins are built to reflect light everywhere, so it just looks like a gaudy silver ball really, but I am sure that if I tell everyone what it is when I put it in my tree, they will be able to see it... if they squint.

And, I don't really like sucking at things so I made another ornament to show that I really am good at things when I am given the correct supplies. This one is from the following tutorial I found on Pinterest, which I used as an inspiration, again, because I couldn't find exactly what it called for and these bitchin' hollow glass globes were on sale at our fancy craft store.

Here are their versions:

source

And here is mine:

TOO SOON!

I needle felted the landscape from polyfill fiber and various colored wool, and the T-Rex came from our local animal feed/farming store. I have no idea why they have tiny dinosaurs in the farm store, but I am glad they do, because, while it is insensitive to dinosaurs, apocalyptic dino deaths are one of my favorite art subjects. Should I find the appropriate medium before Christmas, I may even glaze the back of this with reds and orange to really drive home the "imminent death" thing.

As a reminder, if you are sending Cheeseblarg's tree an ornament (and thank you to those who already have, they are all AWESOME), they should be to me by the 21st (if it is a day or two late, I'll cope, but I do need time to get them photographed and coded). I can't wait to see all the ones that are on their way! You guys are super awesome!

And while I am showing off my needle felting, though it has absolutely nothing to do with the Pintester Movement, this is still my blarg, and I can show off why I haven't been entertaining y'all as frequently. Part of it is getting Hanukkah presents ready for you guys (Starting Thanksgiving night, there will be daily posts coming for eight whole days), but mostly, I have been stabbing things and making money doing so to replace my husband's lost unemployment.

If you are interested in buying a felt from me, I have the white and black Dalek on Etsy (the rest have been sold), and I am happy to make almost any felt sculpture that someone is willing to pay for (unless it is a human baby) as long as you are willing to wait a week or so for it to be done. Remember, these are not sewn pieces, they are all stabbed and are solid (but soft). They are art pieces, and not really suitable for playing with, because tugging can pull the wool out of place. If you're interested, I can only manage about 10 of them before it becomes too late for gifting for Christmas, so feel free to contact me at cheeseblarg at live dot com so I can get a piece done for you. Fair warning, I am working at 15 bucks an hour on these, and most take me several hours to do, but as you can see, they are pretty damned awesome.

Stabby!

You guys! I've found THE perfect craft for me!

If you've been paying attention thus far, you might have noted that my two go-to emotional responses to negative things are stabbing or setting on fire. Some people are face-punchers, some people are poop-flingers, I am a stabber, and/or fire-starter.

Not that I have actually ever stabbed or set anything on fire (that wasn't supposed to be on fire)... but when I am JROSE SMASH angry, the first thing that comes to my mind is stabbing and/or igniting things into a fiery blaze.

So yesterday, seeing as I am on my yearly birthday trip to a city that is actually near things (things being places that everyone else in the non-rural country has access to regularly), I went to Michael's craft explosion store, and I bought a Needle Felting Kit.

Some of you know what needle felting is (because you are awesome, and presumably a crafter), but for those who don't know, it is a craft wherein you take gobs of wool and then stab them repeatedly with a really sharp barbed needle until said wool turns into a thick felt lump of whatever it is you are trying to make.

See artist's rendering below:

I was making a penguin, because it is going towards the Ornament-o-Rama project, and because penguins are pretty freaking awesome and cute. I should probably get some sort of protection when felting to avoid looking like my fingers are heroin addicts, but I am totally enamored with this new kind of art! Now I just need to find a craft where I set things on fire and yell at them!





And here is Sir Wooly Waddlesworth the 3rd, my new penguin friend (as named by my friend Kimberly C.), with an important announcement about the Cheeseblarg Takes Paris contest:

So Naomi, send me an email with your address and I will send a package out to you in the next couple weeks!

Cheeseblarg Takes Paris

CHEESEBLARG TAKES PARIS

Once again, I am in a juried art show that offers a prize for "People's Choice."  You are people, I draw cute llamas and impressive detailed structures, so how about it?

Please.

Of course, this is one of those pain the butt sites that makes you sign up for shit, but ALAS, there is a way around it.  If you would go to my profile (linked above) and click VOTE on the top right, it gives you the option of creating a new account OR login as a previous user. If you pretend you have a login already, you can log in using Facebook, so it makes it really easy.

The grand prize for this is a trip to Paris and a buttload of money, which would be freaking awesome. But even if I don't win that, I do have a chance to have my art shown there, which I am willing to settle for.

So, if you would vote, and get friends to vote, and strangers, pets if you have Facebook pages for them...I would super duper appreciate it AND if you leave a note here once you vote, I will send a surprise Cheeseblarg package out to one randomly picked voter in September.

Thanks, or perhaps I should say, Merci!
JRose of da Cheeseblarg

Ezekiel 25:17

"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you."

Pulp Fiction is one of my favorite movies ever. It came out my first year of college, while I was in a class where we were tasked with making installation art pieces based on a director's movies. I did not get Quentin Tarantino, though my good friends did, and it was my introduction to his work, for which I am grateful. QT is on my list of celebrities/fellow artists that I most want to hang out with.

Tattoos... The final frontier.

I keep trying to egg my husband into getting a new tattoo.  He keeps telling me to shut up.

My husband has a lot of tattoos. I know I knew how many at one time, but he is wearing clothes and napping so I can't count for accuracy's sake, but it is somewhere around 18, one of which takes up most of his lower right arm.

The tattoo I have planned for him is, of course, for humor's sake, and also because I love Star Trek (he likes it, but gets annoyed when I watch TNG for hours on end. Pfft, doesn't change my mind. He needs this tattoo. It is the only thing that makes sense).

This is my artist's rendering- that is his actual hand. It would be on his left ring finger:

Tattoo Mock up w/o Wedding Ring

 Tattoo Mock up with Wedding Ring

Hanukkah 2012: 8th Night- CRAPTASTIC!

I hope you have enjoyed this year's Hanukkah. Mine hasn't sucked terribly, and I have actually gotten quite a few useful things (which I don't think has happened before, ever). Tonight, for the final night of Hanukkah, your present is PAGE THREE of CRAP! which actually reveals a good part of what this comic is actually about, though there are a few more surprises in store. If I get encouragement (comments, views, proposals), I will share more soon, and if not, I will share it when I feel like it. If you missed pages one and two, you can find them using this link --> I'm a link <-- because comics make more sense when you read them in order.

Click here to see it full sized for ease of reading and whatnot. 

Hanukkah 2012: 6th Night- Dr. Whonukkah

Happy 6th Night of Hanukkah!

Tonight, your present is a Dalek Menorah!

CELEBRATE! CELEBRATE! CELEBRATE! CELEBRATE! CELEBRATE! CELEBRATE!

CELEBRATE! CELEBRATE! CELEBRATE!CELEBRATE! CELEBRATE! 

CELEBRATE! CELEBRATE! CELEBRATE!

Hanukkah 2012: 2nd Night: CRAP!

Now, usually when you get crap for Hanukkah, it is something you totally don't want, but I am hoping this is crap you will enjoy. For tonight, you one get one page of "Crap!" but if you are complimentary, you might get much more in the coming days. Or you might get a stale Panattone. There is really no way of knowing.

Click here to biggify for ease of reading since blogger wants to be a dick and make this distorted at whatever size I make it.. 

*sigh*

Anyway, Happy Hanukkah, the second. Come back tomorrow for more presents.

Anti-Anti-E

I was asked the other day if I have a Tumblr, and I must say, I really enjoy all of the things that Tumblr has to offer--  like GIFs of Evan Peters naked or licking peanut butter off of a blow up doll. Or for blogs like my friend's "Fuck Yeah, Goatse" page (again, if you don't know what Goatse is, don't just go wantonly googling that shit, you need to be prepared for it*),

 or Tard the Grumpy Cat's blog  (holy shit, I cannot get enough of that cat!), 

or Chandler Bing Dances on Things,   

(source, there ^)

but I don't have a Tumblr account, and I won't because I won't support companies that discriminate against the letter E.



I feel the same way about Flickr, but Yahoo went ahead and set up an account with them without my permission since once upon a time, I had a Yahoo email account and I verge on being an internet hoarder, so I never unregister for sites that sign me up (seriously, still get Netlog notifications... never signed up for it, but I am there, apparently).

I want to know what exactly they have against Es.

Yes, I know the E isn't needed. We don't REALLY pronounce it. But you don't pronounce both of the Es in my name but you don't see me spelling my name Jod.

So I guess what I'm saying, is that unless someone else signs me up for Tumblr, I won't have an account there where I will be forced to waste hours of my life looking at and reblarging pictures of cats and porny gifs.



*Also on the topic of Goatse, after watching this commercial (below) over and over again, I think that Goatse would be an excellent security password picture for a Windows 8 machine.

also, as a reminder, Hanukkah starts in 4 days, and as always, there will be 8 crazy days of me posting horrible/amusing things for you guys! So be there, or one of them will be Goatse.

Llama of the Month Club

In case you missed out on Black Friday deals because you have an actual job, or like me, because you didn't want to have to put clothes on and get out of bed, I have an offer here that some of you might be interested in.

The Llama of the Month Club!

This is a club wherein, you can buy a 3 month ($45), 6 month ($80), or year ($150) subscription to receive ACEO llama art from me, shipped right to your home, or the home of your favorite llama lover.

It will all be original art, so there are only a hand full of each subscription type.  And the subscription offers a special birthday ACEO for the recipient during their birth month.

 

If you are interested, you can find the listings with more details at my Etsy store (which has some boobs in, just as a warning) 

HERE!

American Horror Story: Chibi Asylum

A new season of American Horror Story has begun, and I want it to be Wednesday EVERYDAY!

I have a crush on Evan Peters, who played Tate last season, and who plays Kit this season, and I have figured out that I might be more perverted than I thought, since reading all the pre-show hype, I was most excited about seeing him being caned, and the show has not disappointed.

That face is part and parcel to my ridiculous, inappropriate crush.

Anyway, beyond me lusting after a boy who was born when I was in the 6th grade, the show is just really entertaining. So much so that I have created my own version of it, for my own entertainment and hopefully for the entertainment of others. I didn't really think of anything to say about this when I started drawing, so uh, TADA??

I encourage you to make it larger to enjoy the details, and feel free to share it. 

I also realize that if you don't watch the show, you aren't getting a damned thing out of this post (other than a hearty recommendation to watch the show), and I feel bad, so um...

Here is a failed concept that I drew.  My Little Llamas, not unlike My Little Ponies, only probably smellier, and named after snack food.

You look like a monkey and you smell like one too!

And to celebrate, here are some of my favorite things currently:

(video above)

And as much as I am amused by Gangnam Style, I love this video below even more, especially when you read the translation:

And a birthday wish from my best Harry Potter nerd friend. I once made her a chocolate cheesecake for her birthday, with the Hogwart's Coat of Arms on it, created with royal icing, and snitches made of Lindt truffles dusted in edible gold powder. This was nearly as enjoyable, though I had no idea she had an animagus.

Also, I received a new drawing tablet as a present, which I love the heck out of... mostly because it makes me draw better, and it is awesome and fancy.  

Here is a drawing of my friend's adorable pug, Ollie, that I did with it:

So yeah, happy birthday to me (as of 4:04 in the morning, October 2nd). Thank you for reading the silly things I post, and for commenting, and clicking reaction buttons for another year. <3

This is Part of a Complete Breakfast

I bought a box of FrankenBerry cereal last night. It is a compulsory Halloween Time purchase. My friend asked me what it tasted like (because apparently the pink box and "berry" in the name didn't give it away) and my response was "AWFUL. It tastes awful."

"If it tastes awful, why did you get it?"

"Uh, because it is FrankenBerry..."

"Are you going to eat it?"

"Yes!"

"But you said it tastes awful..."

"And it does... but I like some things that taste awful."

And I do.  I have a soft spot in my nom-hole for things that taste like artificial strawberry.  And cereal marshmallows.  I will eat almost anything as long as it has crispy fake marshmallows in it.

Many years ago, I created a Monster Cereal painting for an art show I was in. I tried to sell it for a whole lot of money but no one wanted to buy it, which is usually the case with my art. It is still for sale, just sayin'.

Part of a Complete Breakfast (2009)

Acrylic on canvas - about 2'x3'- $1200 obo

New News is Good News

There have been good reasons for my quietness, that is, not necessarily acceptable, but GOOD, like, I enjoyed them sort of good, you know, the opposite of unfortunate.

Some of it is news, like:

OMG, MY ART IS GOING TO BE SHOWN IN TIMES SQUARE, MOTHERFUCKERS!

Remember me begging for votes? I know, which time, right? Well, the time I was doing it asking people to click "COLLECT ME" so I could have my art shown in Times Square. That time. After one last big push, I got enough votes so that my art will be shown on a billboard in Times Square, NYC. Which art? I don't really know. They haven't told me. Will I be there? Not bloody likely. UNLESS they choose me as a finalist and I make $10k as a result, which would only happen with more votes, but nevertheless HOLY SHIT, TIMES SQUARE, MAN! June 18th. I need pictures of it if any New York City dwellers could go check it out for me.

And OMG, I AM WORKING ON MY NOVEL AGAIN! 

JRose, we were unaware you were working on a novel. Yeah, I know, that is why it is news. It's a sci-fi novel, set way in the future... on the MOON. I started it several years ago and it has been nagging at me and  so I am working on it again. And I am telling people I am working on it so they make me continue to work on it because it is an awesome premise and I am surprisingly, sometimes, a pretty damned good writer (which is an opinion I formed when I reread what I wrote 5 years ago).

Only I haven't worked on it for three days because I was feverishly reading:

11/22/63: A Novel by Stephen King, and it was my favorite book of his so far. Most likely because it revolved around time travel and time travel is my favorite plot point of all time. EVER (Surprisingly, the book I am writing has no time travel at all, because I don't think I can do it justice, and because it doesn't fit with what I need to write about, although, since it happens in the future, it is kind of my way of time traveling, but I digress...). You guys should know by now that I suck at reviews, but this book had a great balance of the usual suspense of a King novel without the choking detail that makes you want to punch yourself in the face. I stopped doing everything to read it because I needed to know what happened next. I even looked into ways to waterproof my Kindle so that I could read while bathing so I didn't have to stop. Seriously, it is awesome. And I didn't give a festering bowl of dog snot about Lee Harvey Oswald (the main topic of the book) before I read it, so you don't have to care, either, to read and enjoy it.

Pocket in the Sea by E. Stoops

Another book by my friend who wrote Being Emelle, this book is an alternative history fiction about paranormals, and submarines, and is an interesting and enjoyable homoerotic romp. It was a little confusing in the beginning as to what exactly was happening, but as I kept reading, it all wove together and made perfect sense. 

And now, I have the house to myself for three weeks, so hopefully, I will get lots of writing done and things will happen that will spur great blarg posts, and maybe Jason Segel will agree to be my internet boyfriend/celebrity endorser.

I'm sure I can work out the details with my husband.

Cheeseblarg Peeps Challenge Winner- Peep Hunt by Rhea

We have a winner for the 2nd Annual Cheeseblarg Peeps Challenge!

Of it, Dr. Pants said: "Rhea not only succeeded in creating a faithful artistic rendering of an 8-bit classic, but actually succeeded in showing us how the game could have been BETTER. I mean, who wouldn't want to make little marshmallow chicks explode on screen?? Brilliant!!"

Rhea put a lot of work into her piece and quite deserved her win. If you'll remember, she was also the winner last year. Will anyone be able to take her down next year!?

I give you PEEP HUNT by Rhea Blackthorne

Please congratulate Rhea here, and check out her blog that shows some fantastic progress pictures of her diorama.

Remember, next year's theme is: Cartoons. Be prepared!

Zelda III: A Link to the Peeps

It's time to turn in your peep dioramas. You have until midnight. Here is my last diorama.

-GAME SPOILER-

In the game, The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past, there is a part where you travel through a magic mirror to the dark world and it turns you into a bunny.  I make up fancy songs when I am enjoying myself, and so the people around me were treated to a rousing chorus of "I'm a bunny, I'm a bunny!" that went along to the tune of the dark world theme the majority of the time that I was playing in the dark world.

Also, I cheat, because I knew I was having this contest and so after Valentine's day, I bought heart shaped peeps just to use in my dioramas.  I think next year's theme will be CARTOONS so now you can cheat too... if I continue with contests, that is, as these things are only fun if people play along. Otherwise, it is just stressful, and I prefer not to manufacture stress for myself.

So yeah, turn in your PEEPS Dioramas over at https://www.facebook.com/cheeseblarg and check out the cool work that has been turned in already. 

The PEEPS are a lie!

If you guessed that this is the video game that I was going to dioramacize for the CHEESEBLARG PEEPS CHALLENGE, it is probably because you are SUPER SMART and also because you have been paying attention. Congratulations!

Remember, you still have until SUNDAY to turn in your dioramas, and mine are not eligible for prizes*, because even that is a bit too narcissistic for me. Imagine how hilarious that would be though, if I made contests for you guys and declared myself the winner every time.

Anyway, without further ado, I give you:

PEEPS PORTAL

2nd Annual Cheeseblarg Peeps Diorama Challenge- VIDEO GAMES!

Last year was our first Annual Peeps Diorama Challenge here at da Cheeseblarg.  Unlike normal Peeps contests, this one is judged well AFTER Easter so that we can all take advantage of half-priced candy, which is a long-held Jewish tradition (in my household, at least).

This year, we continue that tradition with:

Your challenge, should you choose to accept it (and you should), is to create a diorama (aka a miniature scene) depicting the VIDEO GAME of your choice utilizing Marshmallow Peeps (of any sort). Upload your creation to Cheeseblarg's facebook page or send it to me on twitter OR place a link to your blog (with your entry) in the comments. 

You have until April 22nd at which time, the AWESOME nerd band from Oklahoma,  Dr. Pants (as seen in The Bloggess' bathroom), will be judging your entries and picking the winner.

What does the winner get?! Well, at this point, they get a used DVD copy of Pinata: Survival Island and some dryer lint, but I have and will continue to look for better prizes.* BUT beyond that, you also get your artistry judged by awesome people and all entries will be displayed here on the blarg and on Pinterest.

Examples from last year's contest:

by Kimberly Bowers

By Rhea Blackthorne

by Me!

*If you have any video game related prizes or gift cards that you are willing and able to donate to the cause, please let me know. I will plug the hell out of you for helping. Thanks!