He's An Orphan.

It was much sweeter than I expected.

Hanukkah 2013: 6th Night- Meth, Just Meth.

On the sixth night of Hanukkah, your Cheeseblarg gives to you:

A bag of meth from Heisenberg 

It is damned near impossible to make rock candy in Montana... or maybe it's just my house, which seems to have been partially built on top of an Indian Burial Ground. One of the bedrooms and the kitchen are always about 20 degrees cooler than the rest of the house (which obviously means it is haunted, right?). Rock candy making doesn't do well when it is 50 degrees. Not much evaporation happening at that temperature. I don't know how all the meth makers here do it!

I actually tried twice to make it (rock candy, not meth), carefully following directions each time. The first time, I got a thick blue syrup that did nothing (until this Thursday when I moved it out of the kitchen so I could cook for Thanksgiving). The other try started out as a blue syrup but then turned into a glass of semi solid sugar in a couple hours. I have no idea what the hell that was about, again, since I carefully followed directions. It is still sitting on a shelf in our hallway. I have no idea what to do with it, and frankly, I am a bit scared of it. I'm still contemplating taking pictures/videos of it to share on the facebook fan page.

Today, my husband finally bought me some rock candy from a store and suggested I paint it blue because I have been freaking out about my rock candy not forming for about a month. Since finally moving it to a shelf right above a heat registered worked, I now get to eat a quarter pound of store bought rock candy. Yea! It's a Hanukkah miracle!

J-san Learns Japanese

I am learning Kana while hanging out with my friend for my annual birthday trip.  Kana, for those of you who are not the sort of person who has all the written languages of the world memorized, is what part of the Japanese written language is called.  It breaks down to Hirigana and Katakana, both of which I am currently trying to learn.

As usual, I end up sounding like I have Tourrette's while attempting to read out loud.

I went to Japan when I was 3.  I don't remember much but toys and big silver and glass buildings, and lots of neon.  My mother informs me that I threw up in my father's pocket while in a Teppanyaki restaurant, before I freaked out screaming, terrified of knife throwing ninja chefs. I can't be sure that the same wouldn't happen if I manage to get back there, but I would love to go!

Stuffed

Zelda III: A Link to the Peeps

It's time to turn in your peep dioramas. You have until midnight. Here is my last diorama.

-GAME SPOILER-

In the game, The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past, there is a part where you travel through a magic mirror to the dark world and it turns you into a bunny.  I make up fancy songs when I am enjoying myself, and so the people around me were treated to a rousing chorus of "I'm a bunny, I'm a bunny!" that went along to the tune of the dark world theme the majority of the time that I was playing in the dark world.

Also, I cheat, because I knew I was having this contest and so after Valentine's day, I bought heart shaped peeps just to use in my dioramas.  I think next year's theme will be CARTOONS so now you can cheat too... if I continue with contests, that is, as these things are only fun if people play along. Otherwise, it is just stressful, and I prefer not to manufacture stress for myself.

So yeah, turn in your PEEPS Dioramas over at https://www.facebook.com/cheeseblarg and check out the cool work that has been turned in already. 

2nd Annual Cheeseblarg Peeps Diorama Challenge- VIDEO GAMES!

Last year was our first Annual Peeps Diorama Challenge here at da Cheeseblarg.  Unlike normal Peeps contests, this one is judged well AFTER Easter so that we can all take advantage of half-priced candy, which is a long-held Jewish tradition (in my household, at least).

This year, we continue that tradition with:

Your challenge, should you choose to accept it (and you should), is to create a diorama (aka a miniature scene) depicting the VIDEO GAME of your choice utilizing Marshmallow Peeps (of any sort). Upload your creation to Cheeseblarg's facebook page or send it to me on twitter OR place a link to your blog (with your entry) in the comments. 

You have until April 22nd at which time, the AWESOME nerd band from Oklahoma,  Dr. Pants (as seen in The Bloggess' bathroom), will be judging your entries and picking the winner.

What does the winner get?! Well, at this point, they get a used DVD copy of Pinata: Survival Island and some dryer lint, but I have and will continue to look for better prizes.* BUT beyond that, you also get your artistry judged by awesome people and all entries will be displayed here on the blarg and on Pinterest.

Examples from last year's contest:

by Kimberly Bowers

By Rhea Blackthorne

by Me!

*If you have any video game related prizes or gift cards that you are willing and able to donate to the cause, please let me know. I will plug the hell out of you for helping. Thanks!

First Secret Cupid Round-Up!

I am super proud and happy to officially report that our first ever Cheeseblarg exchange was a great success. I tried to plan in case of every eventuality, and there was only one (point five) emergencies to deal with, that I had already figured for, so taking care of it was pretty simple. I used a very simple method to chose partners- each person got the person directly under them in the sign up list, as long as they were from the same country AND from a different state. Texas was our most popular state so I moved people around to make sure that each match had someone who wasn't in their area, but otherwise, it just went down the line. The last person got the first person to sign up, which was me.

There were 34 participants in total, and I am fairly certain that no one died in the process (which is a measure I use to ascertain  the success of any venture I partake in... someone dies, it is a failure, but otherwise WIN! I suppose it is clear that I have yet to put together any human hunting teams or mass suicides).

Here is the gift I got from my long time friend, sometimes reader, and awesome exchange participant, Eric R., who is one of the funniest guys I know, and whose intellectual stick figure comics many years ago gave me an inkling that maybe I could do this too (he also was the only male in the exchange).

Peanut butter, honey and sea salt truffles from Compartes Chocolatier in Hollywood, CA. So tasty!

And here are some gifts and experiences of your fellow Cheeseblargians:

Had so much fun creating for this swap. I got spoiled rotten by my partner who sent me an amazing disproving chicken card and all the amazing supplies I received! The chocolates...didn't last long after the picture.                                         -Brandy Davis

I had a great time with the Secret Cupid exchange.

Husband and I have been together since high school (11 years), and we have only ever celebrated one Valentine’s Day – the first one.

I tend to poo-poo most holidays, I’m not a fan of Xmas, so much work and stress for so little reward, the only good thing about Easter is hot crossed buns, but I can just buy fruit loaf throughout the year, it’s almost the same thing, right? I’m Australian so Halloween is meaningless to me (I’m the lady that gives out apples if any kids come a knocking). So Valentine’s Day sits right up there with the rest. Ignored.  It was actually a lot of fun to join in the Cheeseblarg Secret Cupid.

The best part? – The grow your own Crocodile from an egg thing! BEST GIFT EVER! -Sarah H. 

I really enjoyed being part of this Secret Cupid Exchange. I got a lovely package with 4 bowls for me to use in my Bentos, as well as a map of San Antonio, and some packages of seeds. I loved the personalized pictures that my Secret Cupid drew on the bowls and the map. It really made me smile. I'd love to be included in a future exchange!    ~Kat

I'm sending a photo of what my secret cupid sent.

Unfortunately, I'm not sure who to give credit to, so maybe you could help me out on that piece. (It was Brandy up there *points* -JR)

It should be noted that I raise alpacas, which makes it even more fan-freakin-tastic that my valentine sent me a beautiful felted zipper pouch with an alpaca on it. Even better, she included a hand-drawn ACEO card with the alpaca from the pouch. I screamed and shouted, "Sweet!" when I opened my package, frightening my dogs in the process. It's so flipping cool, and I am so glad I participated.

 Really, it was exciting and fun even to be a sender of a package. It made valentine's day fun and exciting again. I haven't felt that way about it since elementary school. Would totally do this again (hint, hint).

I'm also including a picture of some of my herd, just for fun. (OMG SO CUTE! JR) 

Thanks again for coming up with this super sweet idea. -Britta

I was spoiled! Thank you to cherriesnchecks.blogspot.com! She actually sent me a handmade tiny manatee named earl, which is my dream. Seriously cool. -Eke 

And yeah, it was super fun and only a little stressful for me, because I wanted everyone to be happy (and had to send out 68 personalized emails). I'm almost glad that I didn't go with my original idea of giving everyone my address and pretending they all got me as valentines, such lucky readers. =P 

Hopefully, the rest of the participants will link their blog posts in the comments here so you can see everyone's posts, because Cheeseblargians are some of the best readers and present givers I have met in my ENTIRE life. You can also see more gifts and interact over at Cheeseblarg on Facebook!

NaBlaPoMo, Dontcha Know!

I've decided I am going to do NaBloPoMo (or NaBlaPoMo, in my case)... however, that is going to require that I stop drowning my sorrow in leftover Halloween candy, because otherwise, I am going to be in a candy-induced Carb Coma ™ for the remainder of November, which will make posting EVERY DAY very difficult.

To update, still haven't gotten my money back from Paypal. The remainder of my money was stolen moments before midnight the night before last because for some reason, probably having to do with stupid optimism, naïveté, and a desire for a cheeseburger, my Paypal credit card was not canceled, and I was not given the option to block the hell out of iTunes until the rest of my money was gone... JRose is a little stressed.

But I will be posting every day of National Blarg Posting Month, so you should have at least something to read each day. Be here or be part and parcel of my complete and total mental breakdown!

Cheers!

The Mellowcreme Dilemma.

Brach's Assorted Halloween Mellowcremes candy makes me happy and reminds me of crunchy leaves, and cool winds, and corduroy pants, and the late 70s. It also reminds me that, although it is really cute and I love buying it, I don't like the way it tastes, at all.

The Craptacular Day

I have several obnoxious and rather icky chronic diseases, which is why I am now trying to make a living by writing funny stories and drawing silly pictures on the internet instead of working "a real job."  Sometimes these diseases all gang up on me and make me not want to do a damned thing, which includes entertaining other people.  Sometimes, I force myself to do it anyway, and sometimes, those posts aren't very amusing because my heart is not behind them.  Today is one of those days.  Not that I mean my heart isn't behind this post, I just mean, I feel like crap and this probably won't be very entertaining.  And I don't mean, my darling readers, that you should to try to guess where I wasn't feeling very well in my blarg archive and let me know, because it might just insult me when you guess that a post I loved and thought was my best was crap but you know it's only because I was sick and you were just trying to be supportive by pointing out that I am not funny, and nevermind, let's just pretend like all of my posts are fried gold.

Anyway, when I am having one of these days, distraction is the best remedy for wanting to dig a hole and never come out. It helps me not to feel so guilty for not wanting to do my job, and for not getting out of bed, except to go to the bathroom 7500 times (this may be a slight exaggeration, which is clearly a symptom of my illnesses too, both the exaggerating and the bathroom trips, that is).

These are the things that are serving as my distractors today:

MTV's Teen Wolf
Yes, I know this is a show made for teens and I am roughly twice the age of the target demographic, but as a fan of the original Teen Wolf movie, I had to check it out, and since I feel about 14 years old most of the time, it appealed to me.  It is absolutely nothing like the movie though there are nods here and there, and it is ridiculously melodramatic, and I freaking love it. There. I said it. I'm a dork. Plus, Stiles... duh.

Looking up candies
I could have sworn that Whatchamacallits had marshmallow in them once upon a time. Apparently, I am completely wrong.  But there was some candy bar when I was a kid in the early 80s that had a wafer and chocolate cream and peanuts and marshmallow in the center, and damn it, I want to know what it was, because in my nostalgic memory, that was THE most delicious confection in the entire world.

And may I say, as a collector of Pez, I am really disappointed that there are no official Harry Potter Pez Dispensers.

Movie Clips on Youtube
UHF is one of my favorite movies from my youth. Weird Al is a comic genius. This clip never fails to amuse me.

By the way, "twinkie wiener sandwiches?" They're terrible. Please believe me.  It is a horrible waste of a twinkie, a hot dog, and easy cheese.

Reading

    

I'm currently reading an actual copy of  "City of Glass- The Mortal Instruments" by Cassandra Clare and "Spiderwork- A Post Apocapunk Fantasy Romance" by LK Rigel on my kindle. I don't usually like to be engaged with two books at the same time because it feels like I am cheating on one with the other, but I was reading "Spiderwork," which is the sequel to "Space Junque," both of which I downloaded for free from Amazon and am enjoying very much, when my friend loaned me the final book of the Mortal Instrument series (I mean, I think it is the final book... I guess I could research that, but I am afraid of spoilers, so I'll just not care instead) and since it is borrowed, I have set aside the other. But reading, of course, has the added benefit of making me sleep which helps with healing so I can write actual posts and not be a grumpy asshole.

Checking my emails a billion times and crying.
(I have no emails, hence the crying)
(except my mom, she writes)
(hi mom)

And that's about it.  Have anything you think might amuse me? Wanna tell me what you do to make yourself feel better when you're having a craptacular day?  I would love the distraction.

When Food Attacks!

Many, many years ago, I stopped assigning moral value to food. Nommy noms are no longer "good" or "bad," they are just food.  Cakes aren't sinful, candy bars aren't naughty, carrot sticks aren't chaste, lettuce doesn't make me worthy of love and praise. I eat food and it is just food, and my life is infinitely happier that way.  As I always say, the only thing you should ever feel guilty about eating is babies.

Since I've chosen to surround myself with people who feel the same for so long, it is now really foreign to me when I go visit food blogs full of amazing, delicious-looking pictures like those at Willow Bird Baking or I Am Baker and people in the comments talk about how dangerous the food is.  My mind automatically pictures little cake truffle gangs, or confectioneries with bombs strapped to their bodies.

Really, the only dangers inherent to food that I am willing to acknowledge are a) allergies, b) spoilage/poisoning and/or c) inhaling it into your lungs by accident, which I tend to do way too often for my own liking.


No really, that is all I am willing to acknowledge. Humor blarg. Serious debate is prohibited. As is the "D" word...

Be My Valentine Contest (details inside)

My husband is terrible at gift-giving holidays. He is very sweet and loves me more than I ever thought a boy would, is glad to give me money to buy things for myself when we have some (though I have issues with buying things for myself, though that is another post all together), is happy to take me out to dinner on Valentine's day (if I plan it),  but has anxiety about buying presents, so I have a tradition of making my friends my Valentines. It is a win/win/win, the pressure is taken off of him, I get the attention and presents I want, and my Valentine-challenged friends have someone to dote on them.

And since you guys listen to me be silly, and even encourage me with comments, you can be brought into the fold of my super fantastic Valentine's extravaganza!

If you are chosen as my Valentine, you get the following:

A bouquet of paper forget-me-nots, a hand painted ACEO (2.5"x3.5" mini-painting) of a love-lorn llama, and a love-struck llama pendant.
Plus an assortment of candy and a handmade Valentine from me.

Details after the jump!

Gelt Trip

It's the last night of Hanukkah!   Of course, it is not the last DAY of Hanukkah, but alas... I'm not going change my counting now.  You should know how Jewish holidays work.

So what have you gotten me, huh?  I've gotten you something EVERY SINGLE NIGHT! No, it's okay, I understand. You don't have to get me anything, even though I thought of you and made sure you had something each night... I'll live.

Don't worry, you won't only get the fantastic guilt trip above, you also get this:

Hanukkah gelt! The most delicious terrible waxy chocolate of the year. I knew it never tasted very good as a kid, but I didn't care because it was chocolate and it was being given to me with no restrictions.

I know you may have been expecting something more spectacular for the last night of Hanukkah, but as I said before, this was a recreation of MY Hanukkahs, and you'll have to wait until after Christmas when everything is on sale to get anything worthwhile. =P