Cheeseblarg 1400 Subscribers Pizza Party!

Sometime earlier this year, I promised on Twitter that there would be a Cheeseblarg Pizza Party to celebrate when we got to 1400 subscribers and yesterday, thanks to me becoming part of  Oh Noa's "League of Funny Bitches," we exceeded that amount... so, YAY! Pizza party!

Unfortunately, I can't eat tomato sauce any more, or pizza dough, so, CREATIVITY!

I started with frozen biscuit that I thawed and rolled out to work as crusts... looked through my fridge and realized I also had no mozzarella. EVEN MORE CREATIVITY!

So I made a Llama Ham and Swiss (with honey mustard as sauce), a Mushroom Llama with Carrot Alfredo sauce, and a Bacon Mushroom Narwhal (also with carrot alfredo sauce, which is a great addition to alfredo sauce when trying to get more veggies into your belly).

What I end up with was the following:

Good, hammy, thumbs up.

Uh, that llama looks a little ill...

Total Narwhal Annihilation.

I'm telling you, narwhals always have to be complete assholes. 

I'm eating his face first.

International TYFNKP Day

We seriously need a MAJOR holiday for people who do computer phone support, internet phone support, phone support for anything technological AT ALL. They need parades, and large cash prizes, and pretty much anything they want that is not totally illegal.

I come to this conclusion after trying to help my mom, over the phone for an hour and a half, to download and transfer two files. At this point, I want to destroy planets, take up smoking, and find an orphanage so I can kick some really unfortunate children.

The fact that technological phone support people have not killed us all is a testament to their patience, kindness and over-all awesomeness. Thank you, IT support. For not killing people. You're the best!

And on a completely unrelated note:

So, last year I won Blog of Note from Blogger. I found out a couple days ago that this year, I won Voice of the Year 2012 from BlogHer.*

Actually, I won it in Visuals, so I guess I kinda won Visionary of the Year. Doesn't that sound more impressive than "Voice of the Year for Something You Look At?" The piece that won me this honor was "Occupy the Holidays" which you are all welcome to go look at again (or for the first time, perhaps).

*My "sponsor" aka the people who put those ads on my blog and promote my work and provide my income of 20 bucks every 3-6 months

Thank you BlogHer, for choosing me as someone worth listening to, or looking at, or something. I am very honored and I love it when you guys tell me I am awesome (and send me money*). <3

*Nope, didn't win any money, just thanking them for paying me every 3-6 months.

First Secret Cupid Round-Up!

I am super proud and happy to officially report that our first ever Cheeseblarg exchange was a great success. I tried to plan in case of every eventuality, and there was only one (point five) emergencies to deal with, that I had already figured for, so taking care of it was pretty simple. I used a very simple method to chose partners- each person got the person directly under them in the sign up list, as long as they were from the same country AND from a different state. Texas was our most popular state so I moved people around to make sure that each match had someone who wasn't in their area, but otherwise, it just went down the line. The last person got the first person to sign up, which was me.

There were 34 participants in total, and I am fairly certain that no one died in the process (which is a measure I use to ascertain  the success of any venture I partake in... someone dies, it is a failure, but otherwise WIN! I suppose it is clear that I have yet to put together any human hunting teams or mass suicides).

Here is the gift I got from my long time friend, sometimes reader, and awesome exchange participant, Eric R., who is one of the funniest guys I know, and whose intellectual stick figure comics many years ago gave me an inkling that maybe I could do this too (he also was the only male in the exchange).

Peanut butter, honey and sea salt truffles from Compartes Chocolatier in Hollywood, CA. So tasty!

And here are some gifts and experiences of your fellow Cheeseblargians:

Had so much fun creating for this swap. I got spoiled rotten by my partner who sent me an amazing disproving chicken card and all the amazing supplies I received! The chocolates...didn't last long after the picture.                                         -Brandy Davis

I had a great time with the Secret Cupid exchange.

Husband and I have been together since high school (11 years), and we have only ever celebrated one Valentine’s Day – the first one.

I tend to poo-poo most holidays, I’m not a fan of Xmas, so much work and stress for so little reward, the only good thing about Easter is hot crossed buns, but I can just buy fruit loaf throughout the year, it’s almost the same thing, right? I’m Australian so Halloween is meaningless to me (I’m the lady that gives out apples if any kids come a knocking). So Valentine’s Day sits right up there with the rest. Ignored.  It was actually a lot of fun to join in the Cheeseblarg Secret Cupid.

The best part? – The grow your own Crocodile from an egg thing! BEST GIFT EVER! -Sarah H. 

I really enjoyed being part of this Secret Cupid Exchange. I got a lovely package with 4 bowls for me to use in my Bentos, as well as a map of San Antonio, and some packages of seeds. I loved the personalized pictures that my Secret Cupid drew on the bowls and the map. It really made me smile. I'd love to be included in a future exchange!    ~Kat

I'm sending a photo of what my secret cupid sent.

Unfortunately, I'm not sure who to give credit to, so maybe you could help me out on that piece. (It was Brandy up there *points* -JR)

It should be noted that I raise alpacas, which makes it even more fan-freakin-tastic that my valentine sent me a beautiful felted zipper pouch with an alpaca on it. Even better, she included a hand-drawn ACEO card with the alpaca from the pouch. I screamed and shouted, "Sweet!" when I opened my package, frightening my dogs in the process. It's so flipping cool, and I am so glad I participated.

 Really, it was exciting and fun even to be a sender of a package. It made valentine's day fun and exciting again. I haven't felt that way about it since elementary school. Would totally do this again (hint, hint).

I'm also including a picture of some of my herd, just for fun. (OMG SO CUTE! JR) 

Thanks again for coming up with this super sweet idea. -Britta

I was spoiled! Thank you to cherriesnchecks.blogspot.com! She actually sent me a handmade tiny manatee named earl, which is my dream. Seriously cool. -Eke 

And yeah, it was super fun and only a little stressful for me, because I wanted everyone to be happy (and had to send out 68 personalized emails). I'm almost glad that I didn't go with my original idea of giving everyone my address and pretending they all got me as valentines, such lucky readers. =P 

Hopefully, the rest of the participants will link their blog posts in the comments here so you can see everyone's posts, because Cheeseblargians are some of the best readers and present givers I have met in my ENTIRE life. You can also see more gifts and interact over at Cheeseblarg on Facebook!

Cheeseblarg Takes Manhattan- Macy's Day Parade

I've not woken up earlier enough to see the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade in years.  Certainly not since I moved to Montana, as we are two hours behind the East coast and I would have to wake at 7 am to see it (and nope, no DVR either) and I only wake up that early if I am in dire pain or my bladder is being a jerk.

But what good timing, my first piece from the Cheeseblarg Takes Manhattan series is done, and as promised, I have overtaken a famous New York landmark with a well known Cheeseblarg icon.  And in case you don't wake up early enough to see the Macy's Day Parade (which is what James, the fabulous tour guide, told us real New Yorkers call it), you can just pretend this really happened.

Do feel free to biggify this to see all the details that I spent ten hours drawing 

(which is like the equivalent of 40 hours for most other artists).

Poster prints are now on sale at Zazzle in several different sizes if you are interested!

Macy's Day Parade by cheeseblarg
Browse more Macy Posters


HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Holiday Movie Review: ThanksKilling

I would like to share with you one of the most poignant films of the Thanksgiving season.  It is THE best Thanksgiving movie I have ever seen in the Comedy Horror genre.  It is also one of the only Thanksgiving movies I have ever seen in said genre, but that is beside the point, because if you have not seen the movie ThanksKilling, you are really missing out.

Some of the better points:

• Gratuitous nudity in the first seconds of the film.
• A really punny foul-mouthed murdering turkey.
• INCREDIBLY bad acting... like REALLY bad. So bad.
• Gore and lots of it.
• Hilariously funny plot- the interactions with the killer are my favorite part.
• The opening music. Gobble gobble gobble.

This movie, however, is TOTALLY not for kids and it is absolutely not for people who don't like bad words or nudity or BAD ACTING. But if you enjoy funny and gory, or can handle gory and bad acting for funny, watch this movie.  It is available for instant viewing on Netflix, and on Hulu and it can be bought on DVD finally.

Again, it is BAD... if you go into it expecting a serious, high-production, horror movie, you might well hate it, but since people who would listen to my suggestions anyway like me and my dumb humor, you should highly enjoy this movie.

And, I was going to post the trailer, but it gives away too much in my opinion, so here is a teaser trailer... that has nsfw language.

This review/suggestion is not paid and was made of my own volition. It is just a great bad movie that is perfect for an adult holiday!

Charming Thanksgiving Fun

As I said last year, I like to terrorize my Thanksgiving guests and make them DO things before they can have their dinner.  Because I use up all my creativity drawing stupid pictures and joking about horrifying genres of porn, my staple torture device is "The Hand Turkey." If you are unfamiliar with the hand turkey tradition, you are either not American, were home-schooled, or may have some sort of memory disorder.  Basically, you trace your hand, and make the tracing into a turkey. Very complicated stuff.

I tried really hard to come up with more Thanksgiving crafts, but it took way more effort than I was willing to expend and I thought googling would be cheating. If you have any, especially if they are really awful (not goatse awful, please... although... no, not goatse awful) do let me know.  In the meantime, I created an easy set of print-outs so you can share my Thanksgiving traditions with your families.

Extra llama points if  you post a hand turkey on the FB page... just so you know!

Also, PLACE CARDS!  You have to have place cards at family dinners, because, a) you certainly cannot trust people to pick their own seats, and b) actually telling people where to sit is out of the question. You are already flustered enough trying to get everything out passive-aggressively hot so Aunt Beverly doesn't bitch that the potatoes are cold again this year, and if you have to repeat yourself at all, you may just stab a ho'.

I've included one for if your family has a sense of humor, and one to keep you from being disinherited. Just print it out on card stock, carefully cut along the blue border and write your guests' name in the blank area. Or something like that...



*if you don't know what Goaste is and you look it up, it is not my fault. I'm not kidding. Curiosity/Cat/Yadda. Eye Bleach does not exist.

On Veteran's Day

I'm not going to be funny today, and I usually refrain from posting when I am not going to be funny, but I would like to say "Thank You" to all of our veterans everywhere today.  Being the child of two veterans of war, I know what a sacrifice you make, so, again:

If you would like to listen to the personal stories of how war affected my family members and my feelings on war, which again, is not funny at all and might cause facial wetness and feelings of sadness, you can watch this video I made 3 years ago on the subject. (There are a few not nice words in there, just so you know)

November Sticker Sale- Tom Llama

These stickers are only available during November. It is a limited edition sticker with only 25 available for sale. With shipping, each sticker is $2 USD. You can choose to send me more if you like, in case you are feeling generous, but of course, you don't have to.

 Each hand cut sticker is around 3.6  inches high by about 2.6 inches wide and has a matte finish. Will be sent first class mail by USPS.  For those outside the US, please choose the outside US option for the first sticker, and $2 for any additional sticker in the same order.

No longer for sale, sorry!

(for those viewing by RSS, there is a button to purchase the sticker on the actual post)








Why am I selling stickers?


Because people buy them and collecting things is fun.
Also, my husband lost his job in May. He still doesn't have a job. And, stickers are awesome, are within my skill set, and I like being able to not be stressed constantly about money.


Donation? Why would I give you a donation? Stop panhandling!


 The "donation" is just an option to pay a little bit extra, if one feels like it- for example, if you feel you have gotten extra value out of me drawing for you and making you laugh on a somewhat regular basis. One of my favorite musicians offers her albums for "60 cents or more," online and I wanted to do something similar, but I couldn't do it the way I wanted to because I needed to keep track of how many items sell, since the stickers are limited edition. No one is obligated to send me more, but it is there if you want to. 
And stop being mean, I am not panhandling... panhandling implies that I smell bad and have a sign. I have no sign.

How I learned not to pack pick axes.

What with my trip tomorrow, I have been perusing the TSA website for potential lulz, and by potential lulz, I mean for lists of things that sane people would probably NOT try to bring on a plane.

As a collector of snow globes and meat cleavers, I can't tell you how disappointing this is.


*FYI, pre-purchase of art from the "Cheeseblarg Takes Manhattan" project through the donation link on "The Good, the Bad, and the Cheeseblarg Takes Manhattan" is available until October 29th.  After that, art will be available for sale on Cheeseblarg's Etsy site at retail prices.

Cheeseblarg Takes Manhattan- An Update

I would like to announce that my friend and great patron Kelly L. is friggen amazing. 

While I still need to raise quite a bit of money (we've gotten up to 28 percent), thanks to Kelly and her frequent flyer miles, my plane ticket to NYC is now covered. Booked actually. 

I'm trying to get as much coverage on this as I can. There are only 5 days left and I think we really can meet this goal.  I need to get the word out, though, because now I have a ticket and I don't think that sleeping on the streets of NYC is legal or advisable for tourists.  So again, even a dollar can help (and has a prize) and all sharing of my project can make a difference.... as can coming up with awesome ideas like Kelly's that cost no extra money but get me where I need to be.

I can't even express how amazing it is that my plans seem to actually be working for once, and I am hoping against hopes that this is not part of the Experiment. 

Want more information on this post? See Cheeseblarg Takes Manhattan!  Go, and make sure to watch the videos.  And remember, I don't get any money, at all, unless my goal amount is reached.  This is not a donation, but an investment in art and da Cheeseblarg. I get NO money unless I get enough pledges.

Winner, winner llama dinner.

I was quite pleased with the turnout on our first Scavenger Hunt, in that there was actually a turnout, and there were more than six entries.

Our top three winners, who actually left their houses to find all the items and/or interacted with other humans:


Ten Blue Stars
Kim (who inspired the hunt to begin with!)
Niamh

Lady-people, please send your mailing address to cheeseblarg at live dot com and I will get that envelope of happiness out to you by the end of the week.

And the next three, who had a mix of googling and human interaction are:


Sarah
Ms. MM
Bonnie

I loved your creative pictures and senses of humor in fulfilling my list. Thank you! Here are your personalized badges!

And to all the other people who have turned in their hunt finds, and who are still working on it, here is your badge.  It is on the honor system, but I will totally be mean to you if I find that you are using it without having  joined the llama games.

Please, go look at everyone's hunt results. They all did a great job.

As far as future scavenger hunts, I was thinking a Halloween Hunt might be lots of fun-- that is, that has to be done ON Halloween.  What do you think?

Life in a Vacuum.

My husband is vacuuming in our bedroom, where I am, and while I appreciate that there will be less debris on the floor from my favorite blanket that likes to unravel itself, leaving strings everywhere, I really hate the vacuum cleaner.  See, our room is not all that big and there are times that he has to pick up the vacuum, to get to other parts of the room, which he does while it is still on, and it makes one of the worst sounds I have ever heard, like a garbage truck falling off the empire state building.

The vacuum itself is from the 1960s and I don't think a single part of it has ever been oiled since it was made, by the amount of squeaking coming from it. It also has its own transmission, since it weighs a ton, and you have to be careful not to get pulled under it... which is part of the reason that I refuse to vacuum.  As well as the fact that loud sounds startle me and it is very hard to vacuum whilst curled up in the fetal position with your hands over your ears.

And I must admit, my cat like reaction to the vacuum cleaner might have possibly been influenced by the movie "Mr. Mom", which is about an evil vacuum cleaner that likes to eat woobies.  That is what it's about, right? Well, that's what I took away from it. Vacuums are bad and have evil intentions, always.

 ____________________________________________________________

I entered this contest to redesign a Guylian candy box. There is a substantial cash prize I'd like to win to remedy that "no income" thing.  Half the score is likes from friends, family, whoever you can sucker into clicking, so, if you would click like to vote for mine, it would go towards possibly winning me a buttload of money that I can then use to take myself to the Grand Canyon, and I would be greatly appreciative. =D  

Click here and like over on the right, by my name, please, and then send over everyone you know!

P.S. Thanks to those who have bought stickers and donated! You helped get my husband's medicines this month so he doesn't have any more strokes!  <3

Picture pages, pictures pages, time to get your picture pages...

Aww, you guys! There are over 700 of you who actually allow yourselves to be seen in public with me now! Thank you! Without you, I would just be pathetically drawing silly pictures and writing to myself.

Here is your prize for coming on board the Cheeseblarg train. Wait, train? Wagon? No, no, this is a modern type of blarg, let's go with monorail. Yes, monorail of cheesedom.
Sorry, I'm tired, my smoke alarm went off at 4 am for no reason and I had taken a benadryl, and now I am awake this early for no reason, so... more rambly than usual.

Ah, yes, your prize.  Coloring pages! Everyone loves coloring pages, and you have 3 to choose from.  You can either post links to your colored pictures here (please make clickable links using "a href" html) or upload them over on the Facebook fan page (where I am actually much more likely to respond to people personally because the format is easier than here).  I may post some of the best/most amusing ones. Just click on the pictures below then right click to save, so that you can color them on your computer, or print them out to color by hand.

Happy coloring!

Llamapocalypse                                            Whale Wonderland                                     Unicorn Carpools

Blarg of Note

I obsessively check my stats and so, at approximately 5:13 and 45 seconds yesterday, I started typing capitalized exclamations mixed with nonsensical obscenities at my dear friend, Vez (I'm big on nonsensical obscenities. They are much funnier when the word choice/combination makes no sense),  because I noticed a huge spike in my viewers while chatting with her, and those views were being referred by blogger's BLOG OF EFFING NOTE!

Yup, I have been pestering blogger for at least a month, daily, letting them know each time I posted, because I think I am pretty awesome, and HOLY CRAP(!!!) they actually listened. And now I have a bunch more people following me expecting continued funny... which is a whole lot of pressure, but I have nothing better to do at the moment so, WHEE! 

Yes, I'm rambling. I am still totally excited.  How about I let the Cheeseblarg animals take over for the moment?

I couldn't agree more, Blue Whale!

Yes, llama, welcome to all our new friends and old! Thanks for all the comments and subscriptions!

Dammit, narwhal...

So, yes, this is my blarg. It is of note. 

For those new visitors, there are tidbits of information all around.  

To find out why I keep saying "blarg" instead of blog, click here

For an awesome lesson on algebra featuring zombies, click here

To understand why I often refer to goats as dogs, click here

Or you could just read EVERYTHING!!! That would be okay too. 

Sparkle Airlines

Thank you, to all of you who comment on and share my blarg posts. It means a whole lot to me... more than seems reasonable, actually.  For real, it makes my day... which is pretty special because I spend my day doing awesome things all the time.
Someday, when I am super famous and have my own jumbo jet, I'll remember you and let you come look at it, or maybe even take a ride in it if you have racked up enough  stalker fan points.

Stompy Love

I would like to say thank you for following me. (Thank you for following me)

Because of a single (amazing) link, I went from 15 followers to 50! I am so appreciative of every one of you and hope I can be funny enough to keep you around and maybe even make you want to share me with friend and random strangers. I plan on doing something special for each (fairly arbitrary) milestone of followers I reach.

And since I like puzzles, I made one for you of today's picture. Enjoy, unless you hate puzzles and then, sorry! Don't go! I can make it up to you! =P

provided by flash-gear.com

(Just in case it doesn't work on the page- http://five.flash-gear.com/npuz/puz.php?c=v&id=3840384&k=21203576)


(Yay, I fixed the missing piece!)